“You’ve got to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat”
People sometimes forget to eat, but comedienne Marsha Warfield (who was plus size) said in February 1987, "I hate skinny people. They forget to eat. Now, what kind of stupid is that?" In…
“Chocolate makes your clothes shrink”
"Chocolate makes my/your clothes shrink" (or "Avoid chocolate -- it makes clothes shrink") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and…
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake”
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake" is an old joke that has been printed on many images. However, people older than teenage years usually just have…
“Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid”
"Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves (practically) nothing unsaid" is a saying that has been attributed to New York gossip columnist Walter Winchell (1897-1972).…
“Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire”
"Dancing is a perpendicular/vertical expression of a horizontal desire/idea/intent/urge" has been credited to playwright George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), playwright Oscar Wilde…
“I’m not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings; I’m a drunk, we go to parties”
"I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings; I'm a drunk, we go to parties" is a popular saying on posters. The joke refers indirectly to Alcoholics Anonymous, an…
Splash Play
A "splash play" in football is a play that makes a big splash -- that is, it makes a big impact on the game. A "splash play" might be a quarterback sack, a tackle for a loss, a…
“All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife”
"All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife" is a famous line allegedly said by American pioneer Daniel Boone (1734-1820), but it's uncertain if he ever…
“Guns don’t kill people—people kill people”
"Guns don't kill people -- people kill people" (also "Guns don't kill -- people do") is a popular saying among anti-gun control advocates. The saying has been popular…
“When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns”
"When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns" is a popular anti-gun control message. Under gun control, honest people who follow laws won't have guns, but criminals who…
“When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have in-laws”
"When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns" is a popular anti-gun control saying that has been cited in print since at least 1967. The jocular anti-proverb "When marriage…
“Always carry whiskey in case of snakebite—furthermore, always carry a small snake”
The comic actor W. C. Fields (1880-1946) was well known for his witty lines about drinking. "I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake— which I also keep handy"…
“A hangover is when you open your eyes in the morning and wish you hadn’t”
"A hangover is when you open your eyes in the morning and wish you hadn't" is a jocular saying that has been included in many quotation collections that describe hangovers. "A…
“Anarchists of the world, unite!”
"Anarchists of the world, unite!" is a jocular slogan that has been printed on T-shirts. The saying is a parody of "Workers of the world, unite!" from The Communist Manifesto…
Aporkalypse (apocalypse + pork)
The term "aporkalypse" (apocalypse + pork) became widely used in 2009, when there were fears of a deadly swine flu virus. The New York Times listed "aporkalypse" as one of its…
Wing Wednesday
"Wing Wednesday" is when an eating establishment serves chicken wings on Wednesday -- usually at a reduced price. "Wild Wing Wednesday" has been cited in print since at least…
Taco Tuesday
"Taco Tuesday" is when an eating establishment serves tacos on Tuesday -- usually at a reduced price. "Taco Tuesday" has been cited in print since at least 1971. Taco…
“Change is inevitable—except from a vending machine”
"Change is inevitable -- except from a vending machine" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as bumper stickers and T-shirts. The saying has been cited in…
Health Sinner
A "health sinner" is a person who does not conform to the current norms for proper health, such as someone who eats the wrong foods or who doesn't get enough exercise. "Health…
“Advertising helps raise the standard of living by raising the standard of longing”
"Advertising helps raise the standard of living by raising the standard of longing" is a popular saying about advertising. The saying has been cited in print since 1955, when it was…