“I’m hungry.”/“Hi hungry. I’m Dad.”
A classic "dad joke" has been cited in print since at least 1996: CHILD: I'm hungry.DAD: Nice to meet you, Hungry. I'm Dad (or dad's name). A slightly extended version was…
“eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches”
eBay.com is an online auction and shopping website. A joke is: "eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches." The joke was first posted on Twitter…
“People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Pun.meApril 15, 201640 Best Dad Jokes which are embarrassingly awful!(...)40. People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the…
“Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you. How could that happen?”
There's a school joke about the teacher who suspects a student of cheating: Teacher: You have the same mistakes as the person next to you. How could that happen?Student: We have the same…
“What do you call a fat psychic?”/“A four-chin teller.”
A popular fat joke about double chins (and more) is: Q: What do you call a fat psychic?A: A four-chin (fortune) teller "Hey, you bastid, you been talkin' that four-chin teller?" was…
“I donut understand food puns”
"I donut (do not) understand food puns" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. "i Donut understand food puns" was posted on Twitter on January 28,…
“I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell”
"I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell" is a joke from British stand-up comedian Gary Delaney, who used it in the BBC show Mock the Week. The joke was posted to…
“Toasters were the first pop-up notification”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Reddit -- Shower ThoughtsToasters were the first pop-up notification.November 18, 2016 by henhen3000 TwitterJim Martin@DealzzOfTheDayToasters were the first pop-up…
“What’s long and thin, covered in skin, red in parts and goes in tarts?”/“Rhubarb.”
A food riddle -- with sexual innuendo -- is: Q: What's long and thin, covered in skin, red in parts, and goes in tarts?A: Rhubarb. The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1974.…
“You know what they say about cliffhangers”
A "cliffhanger ending" leaves the viewer or reader in suspense -- until the next program or page. The joke "You know what they say about cliffhangers" was posted on Twitter on…
“I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterSteve Mazepa@zepadeedoodahStairs are always up to something...10:20 PM - 4 Aug 2011 TwitterNegrito Cobblepot@tiptopstopWhy can't you trust stairs?…
“What’s the worst thing about ancient history class?”/“The teachers tend to Babylon.”
"Babylon" sounds like "babble on." "Yah, they do tend to Babylon" was posted to the newsgroup rec.humor on December 19, 1989. "Ancient orators tended to…
“I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying”
Is working in a shoe shop "sole-destroying"? "I think I'll leave the shoe shop soon and find a better paying job"/"One that's not so sole-destroying?" was…
“The rotation of the earth really makes my day”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterMichael Tucker@tichaelmuckerEarth's axial rotation period totally makes my day.3:18 PM - 19 Oct 2010 TwitterJim M.@jemappellejimboEarth's rotation…
“A pessimist’s blood type is always B-negative”
"A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted to the newsgroup alt.callahans on March 11,…
“Where do boats go when they’re sick?”/“To the dock.”
A popular boat riddle is: Q: Where do boats go when they're sick?A: To the dock (doc). The riddle has been cited in print since at least 1967. 30 October 1967, Minneapolis (MN) Star,…
“Whenever I see a sign that says ‘keep off the grass,‘I wonder how it got there”
A joke about "keep off the grass" signs is: "Whenever I see a sign saying 'keep off the grass', I often wonder how it got there." That is, someone must have walked on…
“How many dance instructors does it take to change a light bulb?”/“Five!...Six!...Seven!...Eight!”
A popular dancer "light bulb" riddle is: Q: How many dance instructors dies it take to change a light bulb?A: Five!...Six!...Seven!...Eight! The joke has been cited in print since at…
“The only way to lose weight by drinking green tea is to go to the mountain and pick it yourself”
It's sometimes said that green tea helps in weight loss. "The only way to lose weight by drinking green tea is to go to the mountain and pick it yourself" is a jocular one-line…
“Can you give me a lift?”/“Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.”
A popular joke about asking someone "for a lift" (meaning transportation) is: "So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said.…