“How do you get a parrot to talk properly?”/“Send him to polytechnic.”
A "polytechnic" is not full of parrots (Pollys, as in "Polly want a cracker?"), but there's a riddle: Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly?A: Send him to…
“Why is programming in Django hard?”/“You can only use two fingers on your left hand.”
A Django programming joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 22, 2017: Q: Why is programming in Django hard?A: You can only use two fingers on your left hand. The joke requires knowledge of…
“Why did the girl sit on her watch?”/“She wanted to be on time.”
A watch riddle is: Q: Why did the girl sit on her watch?A: She wanted to be on time. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Google BooksBiggest Riddle Book in the WorldBy Joseph…
“Your bank account is the adult version of your report card”
A adult's bank account has been compared to a student's report card. "Your bank account is your report card for your Financial intelligence" was posted on Twitter on February 9,…
“I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, ‘One day, this could be you’”
A joke about the homeless is: "I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, 'One day, this could be you.' So I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's…
“There’s no ‘I’ in denial”
"There's no 'I' in denial" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "There's no 'I' in 'denial'" was posted on Twitter on March…
“If your boat turns upside down, you can wear it on your head. It’s capsized”
A riddle was posted on Twitter on January 15, 2013: Q: When can you wear a boat on your head? A: When it's capsized. "Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if…
“Knives should be named chopsticks”
Are chopsticks properly named? "Why are they called chopsticks? They can't chop fuck all. Knives should be called chopsticks and chopsticks should be called knives" was posted on…
“So far eating hasn’t filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I’m no quitter”
A jocular one-line saying about eating is: "So far eating hasn't filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I'm no quitter." The saying was posted on Twitter by Keith on September…
“I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time”
"I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time" is a joke about addiction that has been posted on many images. "The man addicted to brake fluid said he…
“If you eat some weed, your taste buds taste buds”
"Taste buds taste bud. #weed" -- a seeming repetition of terms -- was posted on Twitter on November 5, 2012. "You smoke basic, my weed flavored, my taste buds taste bud" was…
“A thief entered a theatre. He stole the spotlight”
The theatre expression "to steal the spotlight" means to become the focus of attention. For example, a physically attractive actor can steal the spotlight from everyone else. The idiom…
“If youth is wasted on the young, then wealth is wasted on the old”
"Youth is wasted on the young" has been credited to Irish-born playwright George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950). A second line about wealth is sometimes added to this saying. “If you ask me,…
“Quiche Lorraine is just a breakfast pie”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: QuicheQuiche (/ˈkiːʃ/ KEESH) is a savoury, open pastry crust with a filling made with eggs and milk or cream with one or more of cheese, meat, seafood or…
“What do you call two witches who live together?”/“Broommates.”
A popular Halloween riddle is: Q: What do you call two witches who live together?A: Broom mates! "Broommate" and "broomate" (broom + roommate) have both been used as the…
“I tried to share a bag of potato chips with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench” (joke)
A joke about the homeless is: "I tried to share some chips with a homeless guy in the park last night. He told me to fuck off and get my own." The joke was posted on Twitter on April 10,…
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”/“To get away from the bagpipe recital.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A bagpipe version is: Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A: To get…
“What do politicians and porn stars have in common?”/“They’re experts at switching positions.”
A riddle about politics is: Q: What do politicians and porn actors have in common?A: Both are experts at switching positions in front of a camera. "@SexCigarsBooze: What do politicians &…
“What do you do when you don’t have any rubber bands?”/“See if you can find a plastic orchestra.”
A band/orchestra riddle is: Q: What do you do when you don't have any rubber bands?A: See if you can find a plastic orchestra. The joke was posted on a Laffy Taffy wrapper by at least 2005.…
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”/“To get away from the bagpipe recital.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A bagpipe version is: Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A: To get…