“What do cat actors say on stage?”/“Tabby or not tabby!”
A cat riddle is: Q: What do cat actors say on stageA: "Tabby or not tabby!" This joke -- a parody of the "To be, or not to be" line from William Shakespeare's Hamlet -- has…
“Inflation is when you pay $10 for the $5 haircut you used to get for $2 when you had hair”
Franklin P. Jones (1908-1980), a public relations executive and humorist, published this jocular explanation of inflation in Quote magazine in 1974: "It's inflation when you have to pay…
“I had my parking validated—which was nice because I’d been practicing for so long”
"Parking validation" usually refers to the parking slip that one gets when on entering a car park. A person can patronize a local business (such as going to a conference at hotel) and get…
“Table’s not ready. Can you wait?”/“OK.”/“Great! Take these plates to table six, then.”
A restaurant joke -- where "waiting" can mean two different things -- was posted on Twitter by Sickipedia_Feed on March 24, 2012: In a restaurant "Hi. is my table…
“Sometimes I use big words I don’t understand so I can sound more photosynthesis”
"Sometimes I use big words I don't understand so I can sound more photosynthesis" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Origin is unknown. "I always use big…
“I’m an artist for the government. I draw unemployment”
"I'm an artist. I draw unemployment" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least 1986 and 1989. "Now he's an artist for the state. He draws unemployment" was…
“I’m an artist. I draw unemployment”
"I'm an artist. I draw unemployment" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least 1986 and 1989. "Now he's an artist for the state. He draws unemployment" was…
“Netflix is so much better than going out and pretending to like people”
"Netflix is so much better than going out and pretending to like people" is a jocular saying about watching Netflix entertainment at home that has been printed on several images.…
“Life is too short to stay broke”
"Life is too short to stay broke" is a saying that has een printed on several images. Authorship is unknown. "Life's too short to stay broke" was posted on Twitter by…
“What song do burgers sing on the job?”/“Gristle While You Work!”
A hamburger riddle is: Q: What song do burgers sing on the job?A: Gristle While You Work! The joke has been cited in print since at least 2007. Wikipedia: Whistle While You Work"Whistle While…
“When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn’t then go in through the window”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterBurton Brown Sr.@BurtonBrownWhen a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window. Anonymous #quote11:01 AM - 7 May 2018
“Your salary is the bribe they give you to forget your dreams”
"Your salary is the bribe they give you to forget your dreams" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying encourages someone to break free of an unexciting job and to…
“When prison inmates fall in love, do they finish each other’s sentences?”
A prison sentence is not the same as a sentence in the English language, but there are jokes. "Romantic inmates tend to finish each other's sentences" was posted on Twitter on March…
“Trust because you are willing to accept the risk, not because it’s safe or certain”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterDaily Life Quotes@Life__Quotes“Trust because you are willing to accept the risk, not because it’s safe or certain.” Anonymous #quote4:42 AM - 6 May 2018
“Sitting on the toilet as the clock struck midnight, I thought, ‘Same shit, different day’”
The expression "same shit, different day" is not meant to be taken literally. A joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.tasteless on September 11, 1999: "Y'know, it just occurs to…
“The first time I played chess I tried to move my castles diagonally. Classic rookie mistake”
There are two players in the game of chess (players with white pieces and black pieces), and each player has two rooks (or "castles"). A rook moves in straight lines, but not diagonally.…
“If someone has a pasta fetish, do they call it fetishinni?”
Fettuccine (a type of pasta) isn't composed of fetishes, but there are jokes. "Fetishini Alfredo #failedmenuitems" was posted on Twitter by VCTF on November 17, 2010. "Do…
“Cotton candy—like eating a clown’s ghost”
Cotton candy is a form of spun sugar that is often sold at carnivals and fairs. "Cotton Candy is like eating the ghost of sugar" was posted on Twitter by Nick Neutrality on June 5, 2015.…
“What is the left side of an apple?”/“The part that you don’t eat.”
An apple riddle is: Q: What is the left side of an apple (pie/pudding)?A: The part that you don't eat. The is, the "left side" is the part that is left over. The "apple…
“I hate the new Windows 10 update. It puts me on Edge”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Wikipedia: Microsoft EdgeMicrosoft Edge (codename "Spartan") is a web browser developed by Microsoft and included in Windows 10, Windows 10 Mobile and Xbox One,…