“Behind every great kid is a parent who’s pretty sure they’re screwing it all up”
"Behind every great kid is a mom who's pretty sure she's screwing it all up" (or "Behind every great kid is a parent who's pretty sure they're screwing it all…
“Behind every great kid is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it all up”
"Behind every great kid is a mom who's pretty sure she's screwing it all up" (or "Behind every great kid is a parent who's pretty sure they're screwing it all…
“It’s nice to see Blood oranges and Cripps apples side-by-side in harmony in produce”
"Bloods" and "Crips" are the names of rival gangs in California. There are "blood oranges" and "Cripps Red"/"Cripps Pink" apples, and there have…
“If it weren’t for dogs, some people would never go for a walk”
Many people get exercise only when they walk their dogs. "If it weren't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk" is a saying that was printed in a 1968 book and a 1977…
“If Gladstone should fall into the Thames, that would be a misfortune…” (political joke)
A joke about the difference between an accident (or mishap or misfortune) and a calamity (or catastrophe or misfortune) appears to have been first told in France and was published in the the Leeds…
Capstone Cabal
The term "capstone cabal" was popularized by Greg Carlwood of The Highside Chats, an interview podcast show. A capstone is the top of a pyramid, and "capstone cabal" is meant to…
“What do you call a homeless woodwind?”/“A hoboe.”
An "oboe" (a woodwind instrument) should not be confused with a "hobo." "Hoboe" (hobo + oboe) was entered in the Urban Dictionary on July 21, 2006. "What is the…
“Raisins are just grape jerky”
"Raisins are grape jerky" is a food saying that has been printed on many images. "Raisins are kind of like grape jerky. I just thought of that. - Rye" was posted on the…
“Why is it called sorting out your spice rack and not thyme management?”
"Time management" is often punned as "thyme management." Does a spice rack help? "I can never find what I'm looking for in the spice rack, which is just a testament to…
“I’ll never forget where I was when I heard that JFK was shot. Eighth grade history class”
U.S. President John F. Kennedy was assassinated on November 22, 1963. People who were alive at that time usually recall where they were when they first heard the news. A joke involves people who…
“Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision”
"Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol/booze will double your vision" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Try some wine, it will double your…
“Carrots may be good for your eyes, but booze will double your vision”
"Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol/booze will double your vision" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Try some wine, it will double your…
“Set a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning”
"Set a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "Create a vision that makes you want to jump out of…
“My girlfriend said I wasn’t a true cockney, so I pushed her down the apples and oranges”
"Apples and pears" is cockney rhyming slang for "stairs." A joke was posted on Twitter by BarryNeaves on May 12, 2013: "My girlfriend said I was a rubbish cockney, so I…
“Be kind. Re-wine”
"Be kind. Re-wine" (a jocular variation of "Be kind. Rewind" about tapes) is a wine saying that has been printed on many images. "PLEASE BE KIND REWINE !!!!!!!!" was…
“Don’t be afraid of being outnumbered. Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together”
"Don't be afraid of being outnumbered. Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "Pigeons flock together...Eagles…
“He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof”
"He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof" -- non-alcoholic wine has, literally, zero proof -- is a wine joke that was posted on The Majestic Wine Blog on…
“I’m not a wino, I’m a ‘why-yes’”
"I'm not a wiNO. I'm a wineYES!" is a jocular wine saying that has been printed on many images. "I'm Not A Wino, I'm A 'Why-Yes'" by Walter Lolich…
“Do more things that make you forget to check your phone”
Many people check their phones constantly. "Do more things that make you forget to check your phone" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Be around people who make you…
“Less Monday, more summer”
"Less Monday, more summer" is an anti-work summer saying that has been 'printed on many images. "Less Monday, more Summer!" -- with an image -- was posted on Twitter by…