“Yo mama is so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a paycheck”
A popular "yo mama" insult "so ugly" joke is popular at Halloween: "Yo mama is so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application." Later…
“Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting”
Some people prefer sitting to running. A joke was posted on Twitter by Blue Moon on October 7, 2014. "Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting." TwitterBlue…
“If it weren’t for court dates, I wouldn’t be dating at all”
Having a court date isn't really "dating," but a joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on October 25, 2018: "If it weren't for court dates, I wouldn't be dating at…
“Sorry for driving so close in front of you” (bumper sticker)
"Sorry for driving so close in front of you" is a jocular saying about tailgating that has been printed on many bumper stickers. The bumper sticker saying has been cited in print since at…
“There’s no future in becoming a historian”
Historians study the past. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on October 26, 2018: "There's no future in becoming a historian." “Confucius Say—Student who study history,…
“When I was a single man, I had lots of free time. Then I started listening to whole albums”
A "single" man doesn't necessarily listen to single songs, but there are jokes. "When I was a single man, I had lots of free time. Then I started listening to whole albums, and…
“My computer has a virus and is only showing ads for American Eagle, GAP and Urban Outfitters…”
"Malware" should not be written or pronounced like "mall-wear," but there are jokes. "RT @TJSullivanLA: It's pronounced mal-ware, not 'mall-wear.' 1st virus…
“A cactus is really just an aggressive cucumber”
"A cactus is really just an aggressive cucumber" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on December 20, 2013. “A cactus is…
“Why are restaurant servers the luckiest profession?”/“Good things come to those who wait.”
"All/Good things come to those who wait" is a proverb that dates to the 1500s. The proverb wasn't about restaurant waiters, but there are jokes. "Those who say 'good things…
“Doughs before bros” (“Doughs over bros”)
"Doughs before bros" (or "Doughs over bros") is a doughnut/cookie/cake saying that has been printed on many images. "Belated blog-update. Doughs Before Bros" was…
“I just sprayed fruit scented Febreze in my bathroom. Now it smells like shitrus”
A citrus air freshener sprayed in the bathroom can wind up smelling like "shitrus" (shit + citrus). "Shitrus" was entered in the Urban Dictionary on January 23, 2008.…
“Donut worry, be happy” (“Doughnut worry, be happy”)
"Donut worry, be happy" -- a pun on "don't worry, be happy" -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Donut worry. Be happy" was posted on the…
“Donuts before bronuts”
"Donuts before bronuts" is a jocular donut saying that has been printed on many images. Donuts are preferred over men ("bronuts"). “@ReidLeighton: Donuts before bronuts.…
“Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s the caffeine”
"Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's the caffeine" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's the caffeine.…
“On the one hand, fireworks are a lot of fun. On the other hand, I have only two fingers”
"July 4th PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun. On the other hand I only have 2 fingers" was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on July 4, 2016. "On the one hand, homemade fireworks…
“Was ‘artisanal’ coined as an ‘art is anal’ joke?”
"Artisanal" food supposedly comes from "artisans." Many people do not like the term, and other have pointed out that it can be broken up to read "art is anal."…
“Judge, if you truly are what you eat, then I am an innocent man”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“Don’t be eye candy, be soul food”
"Don't be eye candy, be soul food" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Eye candy" involves pleasing looks, "soul food" involves soul-satisfying…
“Too many chiefs and not enough Indians”
"Too many chiefs and not enough Indians" means too many leaders or managers and not enough workers. The expression has been used in the military and in business. "We have enough…
“How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?” (riddle)
A riddle about bagpipes is: Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks. The joke was posted on the newsgroup…