“Condoms prevent minivans”
"Condoms prevent minivans" -- that is, condoms prevent children that would necessitate a larger vehicle -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images (especially bumper…
“How do you get rid of a fat ghost in a house?”/“You exercise it.”
There are many "exercise" and "exorcise" puns. "We had a fat ghost haunting our house so I got our local gym instructor to exercise him" was posted on Twitter by Matt…
“My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub. So I’ve started smoking”
Most pubs do not allow smoking. A joke was posted on the Sickipedia website on January 30, 2012: "My doctor said I need to do something that gets me out of the pub. So I've started…
“Squirrels—Nature’s little speed bumps”
"Squirrels -- Nature's little speed bumps" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Squirrels get run over frequently by cars. "Squirrels - Nature's little…
“If driven carefully, please report stolen” (bumper sticker)
"If driven carefully, please report stolen" is a jocular bumper sticker saying on many vehicles. "Seen on back of white van: 'If driven carefully, please report as…
“Where do pianists go for vacation?”/“The Florida Keys.”
The Florida Keys aren't piano keys, but there's a riddle: Q: Where do pianists go for vacation?Q: The Florida Keys. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2005. Wikipedia:…
“If people aren’t laughing at your dreams, your dreams aren’t big enough”
"If people aren't laughing at your dreams, your dreams aren't big enough" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If people aren't laughing at your dreams,…
“I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, then don’t go. It’s a running joke”
A "running joke" was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 25, 2018: "Every morning for the past six months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I…
“Sweater weather is better weather”
"Sweater weather is better weather" is a fall saying that has been printed on many images. "Sweater weather is the better weather" was posted on Twitter by Nando Rossi on…
“Don’t eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn’t recognize as food”
"Don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food" is a saying that has been printed on many images. American author Michael Pollan said this in an interview…
“Be stronger than your strongest excuse”
"Be stronger than your strongest excuse" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "Be STRONGER than your strongest EXCUSE" was posted on Twitter by…
“Autumn came, with wind and gold”
"Autumn came. with wind and gold" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Autumn came with wind and gold" was posted on Twitter by Xena Olivia on April 5, 2013. The…
Buffalo: Spaghetti Parm (Spaghetti Parmesan)
"Italienne Spaghetti, Parmesan Cheese ... 15c." was printed in the Boston (MA) Sunday Globe on April 20, 1890. "Spaghetti Parmesan" was printed in the San Francisco (CA)…
“Excuses are like armpits. Everyone has them, and they all stink”
"Excuses are like armpits. Everyone has them, and they all stink" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "All excuses are like armpits: We all have them and they call…
“Falling down is an accident. Staying down is a choice”
"Falling down is an accident. Staying down is a choice" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. "Falling down is an accident staying down is a choice"…
“Great wine is like great jazz. It confuses me and I’m pretty sure it’s all the same”
Is great wine like great jazz? This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on March 20, 2016: "Great wine is like great jazz. It confuses me and I'm pretty sure it's all the same."…
“My wife always prefers the stairs; I take the elevator. I guess we were raised differently”
A joke about taking the stairs versus taking the elevator was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on October 29, 2018: "My wife always prefers the stairs, whereas I always like to take the elevator.…
“Great wine is like great jazz. It confuses me and I’m pretty sure it’s all the same”
Is great wine like great jazz? This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on March 20, 2016: "Great wine is like great jazz. It confuses me and I'm pretty sure it's all the same."…
Buffalo: Pizza Logs
"Pizza logs" are mozzarella cheese in an egg roll wrapper; some pizza logs also have pepperoni. "Pizza Logs" has been cited in print since 1970, when it was sold by Jeno's…
“Where do pianists go for vacation?”/“The Florida Keys.”
The Florida Keys aren't piano keys, but there's a riddle: Q: Where do pianists go for vacation?Q: The Florida Keys. The joke has been cited in print since at least 2005. Wikipedia:…