“Today is the first day of the rest of your life”
Entry in progress -- BP Wikiquote: TodayQuotesToday is the first day of the rest of your life.. Attributed to Charles Dederich by The Washington Post (December 10, 1978), p. C5. He was the founder…
“Trust the government, said no founding father, ever”
"Trust the government, said no founding father, ever" and "We must never question the government, said no founding father, ever" are sayings that have been printed on many…
“I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone”
Many people hate mimes. "I just strangled a mime with a cordless phone" was posted on Twitter by Jason Maybe on January 22, 2011. "I just strangled a mime.... With a cordless…
“We must never question the government, said no founding father, ever”
"Trust the government, said no founding father, ever" and "We must never question the government, said no founding father, ever" are sayings that have been printed on many…
Fatdonalds (fat + McDonald’s)
Entry in progress -- BP Wikipedia: McDonald'sMcDonald's Corporation is an American fast food company, founded in 1940 as a restaurant operated by Richard and Maurice McDonald, in San…
“Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?”
"Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?" (or "Did you know 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?") is a jocular…
“Since I bought a solar-powered treadmill, I’ve been walking on sunshine”
"I'm walking on sunshine woahhhh I'm walking on sunshine woahhh wait it's a treadmill ..." was posted on Twitter by Anna Craig on April 9, 2010. The song "Walking on…
“Did you know that 10-60 minutes of yoga per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?”
"Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?" (or "Did you know 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?") is a jocular…
“What’s the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?”/“University.”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many colleges to switch to remote learning. A riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 7, 2020: Q: What is the most expensive video-streaming…
“I’m walking on a treadmill. I named it Sunshine. I’m walking on Sunshine”
"I'm walking on sunshine woahhhh I'm walking on sunshine woahhh wait it's a treadmill ..." was posted on Twitter by Anna Craig on April 9, 2010. The song "Walking on…
“Did you know that 2-3 shots of tequila per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?”
"Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?" (or "Did you know 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?") is a jocular…
“Oedipus, Aphrodite and Midas walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Greek mythology version was posted on both Reddit -- Dadjokes and Reddit -- Jokes on…
“Restaurants always use ‘crispy’ as opposed to ‘fried’ to make it sound healthier”
Does "crispy" sound healthier than "fried"? "I get the crispy chicken salad to make fried chicken sound healthier" was posted on Twitter by Wilson E on November 16,…
“Oedipus and Midas walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Greek mythology version was posted on both Reddit -- Dadjokes and Reddit -- Jokes on…
“Did you know that 6 to 8 beers per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?”
"Did you know that 2-3 glasses of wine per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?" (or "Did you know 2-3 vodkas per day can reduce your risk of giving a shit?") is a jocular…
“You usually don’t know how poorly you swept until you start mopping”
People sweep the floor, then mop -- and find that they didn't sweep well enough. "Just when you think you've swept up all the dog hair, then you start to mop..." was posted on…
“Eating at McDonald’s is like cleaning a toilet with your mouth”
Many people believe that McDonald's fast food restaurants do not serve high quality food. "Haha! // Official @WcDonaIds twitter acct: 'We’re here to remind you that eating at…
“A jellyfish’s mouth is also its anus. The politician of the sea”
Politicians have been known to talk out of their asses. "Politician of the sea! RT @UberFacts: The mouth of a jellyfish is also the anus" was posted on Twitter by Jonny Zavant on October…
“Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website, I’m uploading my bills”
"Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website, I think I should start uploading my bills" was posted on Twitter by Johnny Mota (and others) on December 10,…
“Eating McDonald’s is like cleaning a toilet with your mouth”
Many people believe that McDonald's fast food restaurants do not serve high quality food. "Haha! // Official @WcDonaIds twitter acct: 'We’re here to remind you that eating at…