“I don’t need sex because the government screws me every day”
"I don't need sex. The government fucks/screws me every day" is an anti-government saying that has been printed on many images. The saying has been put on T-shirts since at least…
“Apple farmers in upstate New York were involved in cider trading”
"In cider trading" is a pun on "insider trading." "I was thrown out of the London Stock Exchange for standing in a bucket of Scrumpy, apparently there's rules against…
New York Steamer (sandwich)
"New York Steamer" is a trademarked sub sandwich from Firehouse Subs, a Florida-based restaurant chain. The chain began in 1994, and the name was also trademarked in 1994. Firehouse Subs…
“Monday? You mean Taco Tuesday Eve!”
Monday is the tradition start of the work week and is a day dreaded by many people. Tuesday is known as "Taco Tuesday," when people can at least enjoy eating tacos. "Monday? You mean…
“Taco Tuesday Eve is why Mondays are great!”
Monday is the tradition start of the work week and is a day dreaded by many people. Tuesday is known as "Taco Tuesday," when people can at least enjoy eating tacos. "Monday? You mean…
“I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends”
"I'm going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was popular around 2012, when Mayan…
“Some people age like fine wine. Me? I aged like milk. I got sour and chunky”
"Some people age like fine wine. Me? I aged like milk. I got sour and chunky" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Women age like a fine wine, men age like…
“Golden retrievers don’t retrieve gold”
"Golden retrievers don't retrieve gold" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. A golden retriever is a medium-large gun dog that was bred to retrieve shot…
“Mondays are now ‘Taco Tuesday Eve’ until further notice”
Monday is the tradition start of the work week and is a day dreaded by many people. Tuesday is known as "Taco Tuesday," when people can at least enjoy eating tacos. "Monday? You mean…
“The longest drum solo was 10 hours, 26 minutes & was performed by the child sitting behind me…”
Children on long flights can be annoying to other air passengers. This was posted on Twitter by Fake Music Facts on April 8, 2021: "The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was…
“Monday is just Taco Tuesday Eve”
Monday is the tradition start of the work week and is a day dreaded by many people. Tuesday is known as "Taco Tuesday," when people can at least enjoy eating tacos. "Monday? You mean…
“I’ve just opened a can of worms. They just sit there, the worms. Hardly the chaos”
To "open a can of worms" is to release chaos, like opening Pandora's box. If one opens a can of worms (for fishing), it is very difficult to close the can. "Commissioner Ed…
“With a name like Texas Instruments you’d think they would’ve made guitars, banjos, fiddles…”
Texas Instruments is an American technology company headquartered in Dallas, Texas. It doesn't make musical instruments, but there are jokes. "With a name like Texas Instruments…
“Open a can of worms” (idiom)
To "open a can of worms" is to release chaos, like opening Pandora's box. If one opens a can of worms (for fishing), it is very difficult to close the can. "Commissioner Ed…
“I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like fine wine. I’m aging like milk…”
"Some people age like fine wine. Me? I aged like milk. I got sour and chunky" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Women age like a fine wine, men age like…
“Spring cleaning is usually the time of year when I’m reminded that I’m a hoarder”
"Spring cleaning is my favorite way to find out I'm a hoarder" was posted on Twitter by The Label Villain on May 9, 2019. The saying originated on this ecard. "Spring cleaning…
“Why did Jesus cross the road?”/“To get a cross (across).”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. There are several versions involving Jesus. “Why did Jesus cross…
“The only technique I’ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming”
"The only technique I’ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. The…
“Why did Jesus cross the road?”/“God knows.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. There are several versions involving Jesus. “Why did Jesus cross…
“Heaven has a wall, a gate, and a strict immigration policy. Hell has open borders”
"Heaven has a wall and strict immigration policies. Hell has open borders" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is often credited to U.S. President Donald Trump,…