“A new supermarket opened near my house…” (joke)
A long joke begins that a new supermarket has opened near the speaker. The supermarket has a variety of smells and sounds -- an automatic water mister for the produce, the sound of cows mooing at…
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“Climate change happens four times a year—winter, spring, summer, fall”
"Climate change" is a term that can be misunderstood. Many people argue that the existence of four seasons shows "climate change." "climate change happens four times a…
“Why did Jesus make stir fry in the South China Sea?”/“To prove that he could wok on water.”
"Wok" sounds like "walk," and there are many jokes. "Who can forget Neil Diamond's classic, 'Wok on Water'? I think he wrote it for Emeril..." was…
“‘Climate change’ happens 4 times each year. My favorite is the ‘global warming’ in late April”
"Climate change" is a term that can be misunderstood. Many people argue that the existence of four seasons shows "climate change." "climate change happens four times a…
“Climate change happens four times a year. It’s called seasons”
"Climate change" is a term that can be misunderstood. Many people argue that the existence of four seasons shows "climate change." "climate change happens four times a…
“Weight loss goal: To be able to cut my toenails and breathe at the same time”
"Weight loss goal(s): To be able to clip/cut/paint my toenails and breathe at the same time" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My weight loss goal: To be…
“Don’t move in mysterious ways. Use your blinker”
"The Lord moves in mysterious ways, but you don’t have to. Please use your blinker" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Mysterious Ways" is a song by the Irish…
“Warning: Alcohol consumption will make you believe you’re whispering. I assure you, you are not”
"Warning: Alcohol consumption will make you believe you're whispering. I assure you, you are not" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. People who have had a lot…
“Weight loss goal: To be able to paint my toenails and breathe at the same time”
"Weight loss goal(s): To be able to clip/cut/paint my toenails and breathe at the same time" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My weight loss goal: To be…
“Male libertarians when they find out they have a prostate” (joke)
"Prostate" (a body part) should not be confused with "pro state," but there are jokes. "Libertarians when they discover they have a body part called the…
“Libertarians when they find out they have an organ named the prostate” (joke)
"Prostate" (a body part) should not be confused with "pro state," but there are jokes. "Libertarians when they discover they have a body part called the…
“Libertarians when they realize they have an organ called the prostate” (joke)
"Prostate" (a body part) should not be confused with "pro state," but there are jokes. "Libertarians when they discover they have a body part called the…
“Anarchists when they realize there’s a part of their body called the ‘prostate’” (joke)
"Prostate” (a body part) should not be confused with “pro state,” but there are jokes. "Anarchists when they realize there's a part of their body called the…
“Now that we’ve banned plastic straws, I guess I’ll just have to drink my frappucino through…”
"now that we've banned plastic straws, i guess i'll just have to drink my frappucino through this assault rifle" was posted on Twitter by Seranine Elliot on July 14, 2018. The…
“My wife and I met while studying to be opthalmologists. We were eye school sweethearts”
Some people marry after being high school sweethearts. A joke was posted on Facebook by Charles Alzamora (to Home Groan Puns) on April 23, 2023: "My wife and I met while studying to be…
“I hate people who use physically impossible metaphors. They make my blood boil”
To "make someone's blood boil" is to make someone angry or annoyed. Blood does not literally boil, however. "I hate people that use physically impossible metaphors. They make my…
“I don’t have to respect your beliefs. I’ll respect your right to hold those beliefs…”
"I don't have to respect your beliefs, I have to respect your right to hold those beliefs. The beliefs themselves command no inherent respect" and "I don't have to respect…
“Make government officials afraid again”
"Make government officials afraid again" (shown on an image of someone in the era of the American Revolution being tarred and feathered) was posted on Twitter by Trent Steele, Liberty Dad…
“Libertarians when they discover they have a body part called the ‘prostate’ [screaming]”
"Prostate" (a body part) should not be confused with "pro state," but there are jokes. "Libertarians when they discover they have a body part called the…
“You’re not a civil-rights hero if you’re begging the State to take freedoms away”
"You're not a civil-rights hero if you're begging the State to take freedoms away" (shown on an image) was posted on Twitter by Trent Steele, Liberty Dad on April 9, 2023. The…