“I’m on two diets. I don’t get enough to eat on just one”
Are two diets better than one? "I went on a diet once. Wasn't getting enough to eat so I went on two diets" was posted on the newsgroup rec.skydiving on January 13, 1998. "I had…
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“I’m on a diet. Actually, I’m on 2 diets. I couldn’t get enough to eat on the first one”
Are two diets better than one? "I went on a diet once. Wasn't getting enough to eat so I went on two diets" was posted on the newsgroup rec.skydiving on January 13, 1998. "I had…
“When alcohol doesn’t count: 1. When it’s sunny 2. Your birthday 3. Friday nights 4. All weekend…”
"When alcohol doesn't count: 1. When it's sunny 2. Your birthday 3. Friday nights 4. All weekend 5. If you're already drunk" is a drinking saying (with several variations)…
“When alcohol doesn’t count: 1. When it’s sunny 2. When it’s cloudy”
"When alcohol doesn't count: 1. When it's sunny 2. Your birthday 3. Friday nights 4. All weekend 5. If you're already drunk" is a drinking saying (with several variations)…
“Someone stole my broken calculator, but I don’t know why. It just doesn’t add up”
"Add up" means to make a mathematical sum. "Doesn't add up" means that something doesn't make sense. "Someone nicked my broken calculator at work!......it just…
“When alcohol doesn’t count: 1. Friday night 2. All weekend 3. When it’s sunny 4. Birthday…”
"When alcohol doesn't count: 1. When it's sunny 2. Your birthday 3. Friday nights 4. All weekend 5. If you're already drunk" is a drinking saying (with several variations)…
“I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone & ignore them like other adults”
"I don't run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone and ignore them like all the other adults" and "I don't run from my problems. I sit on my sofa, play on…
“Honey is the tastiest of all the insect vomits we have tried so far”
Honey has been called "bee vomit." However, honey is technically not bee vomit. The honey that is made has not been digested and has never reached a bee’s intestines. "Honey is the…
“With grate power comes grate responsibility” (cheese grater pun)
"With great power comes great responsibility" is a popular line from Spider-Man in Marvel Comics. "With grate power comes grate responsibility" is a cheese grater pun.…
“You know what it doesn’t say in the Constitution? Give up your rights to appease crybaby liberals”
"You know what it doesn't say in the Constitution? Give up your rights to appease some crybaby liberals" (shown on an image with founding father Benjamin Franklin, who never said…
“I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my sofa, play on my phone and ignore them. Like an adult”
"I don't run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone and ignore them like all the other adults" and "I don't run from my problems. I sit on my sofa, play on…
“I cut myself shredding cheese. Then I remembered… With grate power comes grate responsibility”
"With great power comes great responsibility" is a popular line from Spider-Man in Marvel Comics. "With grate power comes grate responsibility" is a cheese grater pun.…
“If you want to thank a soldier, be the kind of American worth fighting for”
"If you want to thank a soldier, be the kind of American worth fighting for" (or "If you want to thank our military, be the kind of American worth fighting for") is a saying…
“If you want to thank our veterans, be the type of American worth fighting for”
"If you want to thank a soldier, be the kind of American worth fighting for" (or "If you want to thank our military, be the kind of American worth fighting for") is a saying…
“If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile, would that make it Alien vs. Predator?”
"Let's have illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship. We'll call it 'Aliens vs. Predators'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…
“I ran into a lamppost yesterday. Luckily, I only sustained light injuries”
"I ran into a lamppost. But I only have light injuries" is a pun that was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on July 18, 2020. "I ran into a lamppost yesterday. Luckily, I only sustained…
“If you want to thank our military, be the kind of American worth fighting for”
"If you want to thank a soldier, be the kind of American worth fighting for" (or "If you want to thank our military, be the kind of American worth fighting for") is a saying…
“Let’s have illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders. We’ll call it ‘Aliens vs. Predators’”
"Let's have illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship. We'll call it 'Aliens vs. Predators'" is a jocular saying that has been printed on…
“I gave up drinking on the 1st of January. It’s better for your health, and it’s only one day”
A joke at first sounds like a new year's resolution, but it isn't. "I gave up drinking on the 1st of January. It's better for your health, and it's only one day a…
“Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called ‘fun sized’...”
"Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called 'fun sized' should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment" is a saying that has been printed on many…