“An acid and a base walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A chemistry version is: "An acid and a base walk into a bar. The police later arrested…
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“Free Wi-Fi! He’s been in prison too long!”
Many restaurants have signs that say "Free Wi-Fi," but that doesn't mean that someone named "Wi-Fi" is in jail. A jocular comment was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September…
“I love my computer because my friends live in it”
"I love my computer because my friends live in it" is a computer saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on Twitter on February 17, 2008. TwitterJohn Krutsch…
“Why do blondes hate M&Ms?”/“They’re too hard to peel.”
A riddle about M&Ms is: Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?A: They're too hard to peel. The joke was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on May 7, 1992. Wikipedia: M&M'sM&M's…
Shellebration (shell + celebration)
A "shellebration" (shell + celebration) is a seafood festival. "A clambake (shellebration)" was cited in print in 1959. "Eating our seafood is a shell-ebration" was a…
“I’m a magician who steals candy bars. You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve”
The Twix chocolate bar has had a few puns, such as a magician having Twix (tricks) up his sleeve. "One laugh on all of NBC's Thursday night shows: Twix up my sleeve. Ruined by being in…
“A man walks into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table…” (bar joke)
According to one popular bar joke, a man enters a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. "Nice legs!" he says. "Do you really think so?" she asks him. "Definitely.…
“What do you call a snake who makes a living building passenger airplanes?”/“A Boeing constructor.”
A pun on the name "Boeing" is: Q: What do you call a snake who makes a living building passenger airplanes?A: A Boeing constructor. The riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September…
“Parenting with fruit snacks: little bags of shut the hell up”
"Parenting with fruit snacks: little bags of shut the hell up" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Fruit snacks are a big part of my parenting strategy. Little…
“What’s the longest piece of furniture in the school?”/“The multiplication table.”
A school riddle is: Q: What's the longest piece of furniture in the school?A: The multiplication table. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1957. Google BooksThe Year-Round Party…
“My houseplants probably wouldn’t die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids”
"My houseplants probably wouldn't die so fast if they could scream for food and water like my kids do" is a jocular line that has been printed on several images. The saying probably…
“Why shouldn’t you tell secrets when a clock is around?”/“Because time will tell.”
A clock riddle is: Q: Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around? A: Because time will tell. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1976. Google BooksBiggest Riddle Book in…
“What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?”/“It stole the show!”
A joke about a flea circus is: Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?A: It stole the show! The joke has been cited in print since at least 1935, when it was credited to New York…
“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting”
"I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting" is a joke that has been printed on several images. "I watched a documentary last night that explained how they…
“In America, dogs are k-9s. But in China, dogs are e-10”
A dog joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 7, 2017: "In America, dogs are k-9s. But in China, dogs are e-10." The "E10"/"eaten" pun quickly became popular.…
“If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears, my illegal logging business is a success”
"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" is a classic question. "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then my…
“Why did the bank robber take a bath?”/“So he could make a clean getaway.”
A robbery riddle is: Q: Why did the bank robber take a bath?A: So he could make a clean getaway. "A Boston robber who shaved and dressed up to loot a residence must have wanted to make a clean…
“The only abs I have are abnormalities”
"THe only abs I have are abnormalities" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on March 19, 2014. TwitterKendall…
“Safe driving is no accident”
Entry in progress. -- B.P. Reddit -- OnelinersSafe driving is no accident (self.oneliners)submitted September 7, 2017 by YourInnerIdiot
“Why did the clown cross the road?”/“To find his rubber chicken.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"/"To get to the other side" is a classic riddle from the 19th century. A clown version is: Q: Why did the clown cross the road?A: To find…