“Knot knot.”/“Who is there?”/“Earphones.”
Earphones tend to get tied into knots. An knock-knock joke is: "Knot knot.""Who is there?""Earphones." The joke was posted on Twitter by Humourologist on September…
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“Where does seaweed go to look for a job?”/“The Kelp Wanted section.”
Many newspapers have a "help wanted" section. Kelp isn't that wanted, but there's a riddle: Q: Where does seaweed go to look for a job?A: The "Kelp Wanted" section of…
“In God we trust. All others we polygraph”
"In God we trust” was the motto of a Philadelphia regiment in 1748. Francis Scott Key’s “Star Spangled Banner” (1814) contains the words “In God is our trust.” The association of…
“There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol has on walking…”
"There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol has on walking... the result was staggering" is a jocular one-line saying that was posted on Twitter by…
“A large dog’s favorite pastry is a Great Danish”
A "Great Dane" is a dog; a "danish" is a pastry. "What do you get when you cross wonderful baking skills and a very large dog? A great danish" was posted on Twitter on…
Selfieccino (selfie + cappuccino)
A "selfieccino" (selfie + cappuccino) is a "selfie" image made on top of a cappuccino (or other coffee). "#selfieccino" was posted on Twitter on April 7, 2014. The…
“What animal can be found in the unemployment line?”/“The poorqueuepine.”
A "porcupine" (a mammal) has nothing to do with a "poor queue," but there have been puns. "A prickly tree standing in line with other trees waiting for a handout during the…
“A janitor, a waitress, and a bartender walk into a bar… (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An anti-joke version is: "A janitor, a waitress, and a bartender walk into a bar. Then…
Lechislator (lecher/lecherous + legislator); Lechislature
"Lechislator" (lecher/lecherous + legislator) and "lechislature" (lecher/lecherous + legislature) are portmanteau words that have been infrequently used. "LECHISLATOR:…
“I love how all these so-called ‘vegans’ still drink water. That’s a fish’s house!”
A saying about water was posted on Twitter by "i'm caleb" on May 25, 2016: "I love how all these so-called 'vegans' still drink water. That's a fish's house…
“That’s a nice ham you got there…” (joke)
“Nice place you got here. Be a shame if anything happened to it” is gangster talk from at least the 1920s. The speaker wants to extort money from the establishment. "That's a nice ham…
“My New Year’s revolution is to proofread more”
"Resolution" is sometimes mis-typed as "revolution." "My new year's revolution is to proofread my tweets more carefully" was posted on Twitter on December 27,…
La Grosse Pomme (Paris nightclub, 1937-1938)
American-born UK-based jazz singer and entertainer Adelaide Hall (1901-1993) and her husband, Bertram Hicks, opened a nightclub called La Grosse Pomme (French for "The Big Apple") in…
“Not bragging but I made six figures last year. At the toy factory”
To "make six figures" is to earn at least $100,000 -- unless one is, literally making six figures. "If you can say 'I made six figures last year,' you either have a well…
“I kicked some dropped ice cubes under the refrigerator. It’s now water under the fridge”
“Lazy rule: If ice falls, kick it under the refrigerator” is a rule about dropped ice cubes. Does the ice then become "water under the fridge" (a pun on "water under the…
“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper—dicing with death”
English writer and comedian Tim Vine has a frequently told one-line joke about dicing carrots: "I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper -- dicing with…
“I asked the hot girl at my gym what her new year’s resolution was” (joke)
A new year's resolution joke was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on December 12, 2016: "Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said 'fuck…
“Mary and Abby!”/“Mary and Abby who?”/“Mary Christmas and a Abby New Year!”
An end-of-year knock-knock joke is: "Knock, knock!""Who's there?""Mary and Abby!""Mary and Abby who?""Mary Christmas and Abby New Year!" The…
“What did the intergalactic cookie say to the other intergalactic cookie?”/“Beam me up biscotti.”
The Star Trek television series and movies include an engineer character named Scott (Scotty), to whom the other characters often request to "beam" them up (transport them). "Beam me…
“How can a lighthouse, rose trellis, windstorm, dune & Halloween costume make something tasty?”
The "BLT" (bacon, lettuce and tomato) is one of America's most popular sandwiches. A riddle has been cited in print since at least 1994: Q: How can you use a lighthouse, a rose…