“People tell me that my grammar stinks. What do they expect? She’s 85!”
"Grammar" sounds a bit like "grandma." A joke was posted on Twitter by English television presenter and actor Keith Chegwin (1957-2017) on July 20, 2011: "People tell me…
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“Mall kiosk workers are the human equivalent of pop-up ads”
Computer pop-up ads are annoying, and many people find that mall kiosk workers hawking their items are also annoying in a similar way. "[Mall] kiosk people are the pop-up ads of…
“What’s the difference between a tribe of clever pygmies and a girls’ track team?” (riddle)
A not-safe-for-work riddle about a girls' track team is: Q: What's the difference between a tribe of clever pygmies and a girls' track team?A: The pygmies are cunning runts... The…
“The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte”
A joke about Apple Inc. computers and the creation story story of Adam and Eve has been printed on many images. "Oldest #computer can be traced back to #Adam & #Eve. #Guess What Its an…
“This chocolate just went past me at 120 mph!! I think it was a Ferrari Rocher”
"Ferrari Rocher" is a jocular combination of Ferrari (an Italian luxury sports car) and Ferrero Rocher (a chocolate and hazelnut confectionery). "On the motorway, a chocolate zoomed…
“Hipster ghosts are too ghoul for school”
"Too cool for school" is an old saying. "Too ghoul for school" is a popular Halloween saying from at least the 2000s. "Hipster ghosts are too ghoul for school" was…
“Where do eggs stay on vacation?”/“Hollandaise Inn.”
"Hollandaise Inn" is a jocular name for a hotel, seemingly a combination of the names of Holiday Inn and Days Inn. The name "Hollandaise Inn" was print in newspapers in 1977,…
“Run for the Orchids” (Florida Derby)
"Run for the Orchids" is the nickname of a horse race, much like the "Run for the Roses" (Kentucky Derby) and the "Run for the Carnations" (Belmont Stakes). The term…
“During his air test, a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors”
Entry in progress -- B.P. TwitterCharles White@cewtwoReplying to @MistyMontano@MistyMontano During his air test a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors.7:37 PM - 23 Jun…
Grillades
Grillades and grits is a popular breakfast combination in New Orleans. Grillades has been described as fried meat, and it's often served with gravy. A recipe for "Grillades a la…
“Make a mark, not a scar”
"Be the type of person who leaves a mark, not a scar" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "Im trying to make a mark not a scar" was posted on Twitter…
“Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher”
"Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher (via @BPDINOKC…
“The most important thing a girl wears is her confidence”
"The most important thing a girl wears is her confidence" is a motivational saying that has been printed on many images. "'The most important thing a girl wears is her…
“A nice cold drink and an ice cold drink is the same sentence with the space in different places”
Did someone say "a nice cold drink" or "an ice cold drink"? "'I had a nice, cold drink.' 'I had an ice-cold drink'" was printed in a 1915 book.…
“Being a parent means knowing how to unwrap a Snickers without making any noise”
"Being a parent means knowing how to unwrap a candy bar (Snickers) without making any noise" -- that is, having a guilty pleasure without waking the kids -- has been printed on many…
“My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore. So I sent him a card, “Get well soon’”
A "get-well card" is usually a card to encourage someone to "get well" after an illness. It's not a card encouraging someone to get a water well, but there are jokes.…
“If people were influenced by video games, the majority of Facebook users would be farmers by now”
"If people were influenced by video games, then the majority of Facebook users would be farmers by now" is a jocular saying about gaming that has been printed on many images. The joke…
“I drive like lightning. I hit trees”
A driving joke was posted on Twitter by FunnyOneLiners on April 6, 2010: "I drive like lightening." (sic)"You drive fast?" "No. I hit trees." Twitter…
Oysters Suzette
"Oysters Suzette" is a dish from New Orleans, Louisiana, consisting of oysters topped with bacon, pimento, green onion and bell pepper. The origin of the name "Suzette" is…
“Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money”
"Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money" is a saying that has been printed on an image. The saying was posted on Twitter on May 11,…