A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006. Now a Popeyes fast food restaurant on Google Maps.

Recent entries:
“It’s coffee and I need some Tuesday. Please excuse my incoherence, it’s still early” (4/24)
“Civil engineering implies the existence of criminal engineering” (4/23)
“Dungeness crab implies the existence of Dragoness crab” (4/23)
“If you don’t understand why the Electoral College exists, you’re the reason” (4/23)
Angertainment (anger+ entertainment) (4/23)
More new entries...

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“How did Wendy die?”/“The Baconator.”

“If you steal things from bartenders, you’ll end up behind bars”

Steak de Burgo

Yaka Mein

“Watermelons are more than 90% water. To be safe, I’m never eating a kumquat again”


“Statisticians love large sample sizes. As they say, the n’s justify the means”

“The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle. It really was a vile inn”

Almond Boneless Chicken (ABC)

Knoephla (soup)


Finger Steak

“I’ve never seen a juice box, but I hear they pack a punch”

“You’re the apple to my pie”

“Apple orchards, autumn skies, hot chocolate, and pumpkin pies”

“Are you chewing gum?”/“Do I look like chewing gum to you?”

“Roast a marshmallow and party s’more”

Shortseller Enrichment Commission (Securities and Exchange Commission or SEC nickname)

“Pumpkin kisses and harvest wishes”

“Give ‘em pumpkin to talk about” (“Let’s give them pumpkin to talk about”)

“Collect moments, not things”

“I got an invite to a wedding that said ‘black tie only’” (joke)

“Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?”/“It was the pot calling the cattle back.”

“Nothing’s built in the U.S. My new tv says ‘built in antenna.’ I don’t know where that is”

“It feels really unnatural to eat a Skittle without looking at its color first”

“A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar…” (bar jokes)

“Is there baseball in heaven?” (joke)

“My friend David had his ID stolen the other day. Now we just call him Dav”

“Abortion really brings out the kid in you”

“Abortion: It really brings out your inner child”

“You said you liked month puns. Why’d July to me?”

“Hey officer, how did the hackers escape?”/“No idea, they just ransomware.”

“For a slutty Halloween costume, dress as a professor. They barely cover anything important”

“My boss just appointed me as his sexual consultant” (joke)

“A wireless bra? It was tricky enough; now I need a password?”

“What kind of bats swing upside down?”/“Acro-bats.”

Postage Stamp Consensus

“The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room”

“I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day”

“Make Margaret Atwood fiction again”

“Make Orwell fiction again”

“Caution! This vehicle makes frequent stops at your mom’s house” (bumper sticker)

“My wife got ‘romantic’ today. It’s the best Scrabble score she’s ever had”

“If farmer A sells apples, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell?”/“Medicine.”

“I bet Jesus would have used His turn signals”

“I made a belt of herbs. It wasn’t useful and ended up being a waist of thyme”

“Teacher: Open up to page 26” (joke)

“Wish you were beer”

“Autumn carries more gold in its pocket than all the other seasons”

“Red, white and booze” (“Red, white and boozed”)

“My family’s leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing. And they’re off!”

“How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to change a lightbulb?”/“To get to the other side!”

“Does this truck make my neck look red?”

“Bank account empty like my soul”

“If you can read this, I’m not impressed. Most people can read” (bumper sticker)

“Football fields are for band practice”

“I have a Supreme Court figure—no appeal”

Grand Central of Downtown (Chambers Street, Fulton Street)

“Art teachers tell you there’s no right or wrong in art, then tell you you’re wrong”

“There’s always that one pistachio that just tastes terrible”

Might Take Awhile (Metropolitan Transportation Authority or MTA nickname)

The Friendly Firehouse (Ladder Co. 159, Brooklyn)

“Happy as a witch in a broom factory” (“Happier than a witch in a broom factory”)

“Some only dream of cake. Others bake it happen”

“I used to hate eating my greens as a kid. They tasted worse than the other crayons”

“What do you call a bookworm who gets eaten by a cannibal?”/“Reader’s Digest.”

“My wife ran off with a mustard salesman. She sent me a Dijon letter”

Bag of Mystery (sausage)

“I’ve just fallen through the roof of a French bakery. I’m in a world of pain”

Milk Toast (Milquetoast)

Baloney Dollar

Milquetoast (after Caspar Milquetoast)

Baloney (nonsense)

“Paint the town red”

“They should stock ATM’s better. I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds”

“Politicians and nappies should be changed often, and for the same reason”

“Why don’t lawyers play hide-and-seek?”/“Nobody will look for them.”

“Why do cannibals eat readers, not writers?”/“Because writers cramp, but readers digest.”

“What did the cold and angry man have for dinner?”/“A BrrrrGrrrrr.”

“The cobwebs in my house just became decorations! Thanks, Halloween!”

“Even the leaves fall for you”

“Say boo and scary on”

“Witch you were here”

“When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween”

“What do drugs have in common with cheese jokes? I don’t know, I just like meth and feta memes”

“I asked the hotel receptionist for a wake-up call” (joke)

“Watch out for the idiot behind me” (bumper sticker)

“A good percentage of my friends are Nazis. That percentage is zero”

“My dad told me that I would make a great mime. I was speechless”

“Great minds drink alike”

“Imagine with all your mind. Believe with all your heart. Achieve with all your might”

“The goal is to die with memories, not dreams”

“Stop and smell the rosé”

“Cabernet? More like, caber-yay!”

“I’ve robbed banks before…and they’re never getting their pens back”

“I called the Tinnitus hotline earlier, but it just kept ringing”

“Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo”

“Bar & Bra. Same letters, different words, but both keep men waiting eagerly till they open”

“My wife thinks I’m crazy because I like sausages” (joke)

Bachelor of Fuck All (Bachelor of Fine Arts or BFA backronym)

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