“The only good time to say ‘I have diarrhea’ is during a game of Scrabble”
"The only time it's good to yell 'I have diarrhea' is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points" is a jocular saying that has been…
“The only man able to stop Michael Jordan was Dean Smith”
"The only man able to stop Michael Jordan was Dean Smith," a popular professional basketball saying goes. Dean Smith's was Michael Jordan's college coach at the University of…
“The only thing that matters in wrestling are your teeth and your testicles”
“The only thing that matters in wrestling are your teeth and your testicles. Anything else, keep wrestling, stop whining" is a wrestling saying. Big 9 Conference Hall of Fame Coach Gary…
“The only thing the prevent defense does is prevent you from winning”
The "prevent defense" is a football defense employed in the last seconds of a game (or a half); extra defensive backs are added to prevent the long touchdown throw. However, the prevent…
“The only time a fisherman ever tells the truth is when he calls another fisherman a liar”
A liar can tell the truth when he/she calls out another liar. "A contributor writes to inquire if I've heard this one: 'The only time a golfer tells the truth is when he calls…
“The only time a golfer tells the truth is when he calls another golfer a liar”
A liar can tell the truth when he/she calls out another liar. "A contributor writes to inquire if I've heard this one: 'The only time a golfer tells the truth is when he calls…
“The only time a hunter tells the truth is when he calls another hunter a liar”
A liar can tell the truth when he/she calls out another liar. "A contributor writes to inquire if I've heard this one: 'The only time a golfer tells the truth is when he calls…
“The pawns in chess are gender fluid”
In the game of chess, a pawn that reaches the eighth rank can be promoted to a knight, bishop rook or queen. In this sense, a pawn can be described as "gender-fluid." "pawns are…
“The playoffs don’t start until the home team loses a game”
"The playoffs don't start until the home team loses a game" (or "No playoff series truly begins until the road team wins a game") is an old NBA saying. NBA coach Pat Riley…
“The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that’s the way to bet”
"The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong."Ecclesiastes, Ch. 9, v. 11 New York sports writer and author Damon Runyon (1884-1946) is often credited with adding on "…
“The race to Finland isn’t over until you cross the Finnish line”
A "finish line" isn't the same as a "Finnish line," but there are jokes. "When you're racing and you pass the last Lapp, you must be near the Finnish line"…
“The radar gun gets you drafted, but you have to pitch to get to the big leagues” (baseball adage)
"The radar gun gets you drafted, but you have to pitch to get to the big leagues" is a baseball adage that Nationals assistant general manager (later Braves chief of scouting) Roy Clark…
“The real reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing”
Golf professionals often instruct golfers to keep their heads down. American actress and stand-up comedian Phyllis Diller (1917-2012) explained why: "The reason the pro tells you to keep your…
“The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit”
American actress and comedienne Phyllis Diller explained -- as cited in print since at least 1995 -- why women don't play football: "The reason women don't play football is because…
“The regular season is where you make your name, but the postseason is where you make your fame”
"Frazier always said, 'In the regular season, you make your name, but the in the playoffs you make your fame,'" said New York City-born basketball player Kenny Smith in May…
“The score is still 0-0—you haven’t missed anything” (joke)
An old joke is about a young couple arriving very late to a baseball game. The man asks for the score and is told that it's still 0-0. The woman then declares, "Good! We haven't…
“The secret to managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the five who are undecided”
"The secret to managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the five guys who are undecided" is a quote that is frequently credited to New York Yankees and New York Mets…
“The serve was invented so that the net can play” (tennis joke)
"The serve was invented so (that) the net can play" is a tennis joke by comedian Bill Cosby that has appeared in many quotation collections. The joke first appeared in Cosby's book,…
“The shortest book in the world is called ‘Great Jewish Sports Heroes’”
Jewish people, allegedly, are not good at sports. A popular Jewish joke is: Q: What's the world's thinnest book? A: "Great Jewish Athletes." The joke has been cited since at…
“The sideline is a defender’s best friend”
"The sideline is a defender's (best) friend" is a football saying. "The baseline is a defender's (best) friend" is a saying in basketball and tennis. If a football…