“The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular English grammar bar joke is: "The past, the present, and the future walk…
“The person who invented AutoCorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An AutoCorrect version was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 6, 2019: "The person…
“The pub is ten minutes from my house. However, my house is two hours from the pub”
It's often faster to walk from one's house to a pub than it is to walk from a pub back to the house -- that is, the person walking home from the pub is drunk. A joke was posted on…
“The restaurant advertised ‘Chicken Dinner $1.” I paid $1 and they gave me a bowl of corn”
"The restaurant advertised 'Chicken Dinner $1." I paid $1 and they gave me a bowl of corn" is a joke of unknown authorship. The joke is that the "chicken dinner" is…
“The restaurant sign says, ‘Try our new menu.’ I’m guessing it tastes like paper”
When a restaurant says to try the new tasting menu, it's implied to try the food on the menu, not the actual menu. The actual menu tastes like paper. "Or come into @PattyBolands early to…
“The restaurant’s special of the day was dalas. The waiter said it was mixed salad”
"Mixed salad" does not mean that the word "salad" is mixed, but there are jokes. This was posted on Sickipedia on July 6, 2017: In the restaurant the special of the day was…
“The Sahara desert walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Sahara desert version is: "The Sahara desert walks into a bar. The barman says,…
“The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli”
"The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli" is a jocular line of mock literature from the New York City-based television sitcom Seinfeld, on…
“The sign said, ‘Employees must wash hands.’ I waited, but I finally washed them myself”
"Employees Must Wash Hands" is a sign posted in many restaurant bathrooms. A joke was printed in New York magazine on June 12, 1989: "IN THE LADIES' ROOM OF A Greenwich Village…
“The sign says ‘Wait for Hostess to be Seated’ but the bitch will NOT SIT DOWN!”
"Please wait for hostess to be seated" is a sign that used to be in many restaurants. A joke was posted on Twitter by Belly Roll Morton on February 21, 2010: "The sign says…
“The square root of -1 walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A math version was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on February 28, 2018: "The square root of…
“The waiter said, ‘Your table will be ready shortly’” (at the IKEA restaurant)
When a waiter says, "Your table will be ready shortly," this does not mean that the restaurant is actually constructing a table, but there are jokes. "The waiter said, ‘Your table…
“The worst pub I’ve ever been to was called The Fiddle. It really was a vile inn”
"Violin" sounds like "vile inn." A pun was printed in the Cadiz (OH) Sentinel on March 29, 1865: "Why is a badly conducted hotel like a fiddle? Because it's a vile…
“There is a special place in hell reserved for people that break the ‘10 items or less’ rule”
Shoppers get angry when people before them have more than 10 items in the "10 items or less" line. "Hey, bitch @ Walmart! There is a special place in HELL for people like you who get…
“There is no worse feeling than spending money on disappointing food”
"There's nothing worse than spending money on disappointing food" and "Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain" are sayings that have been printed…
“There is only one and this is it” (Carnegie Deli)
Carnegie Deli (near Carnegie Hall) is famous for its large sandwiches. Its slogan ("There is only one and there is it") is less famous. There is a Carnegie Deli is Las Vegas, so…
“There needs to be a restaurant named Chick-fil-B open exclusively on Sundays”
Chick-fil-A is an American fast food chicken restaurant chain that is not open Sundays. "#chickfila I'm considering opening up a fast food place called Chick-Fil-B, open ONLY ON SUNDAYS…
“There was a fight at the fish and chip shop. The fish got battered”
"Did you hear the one about the fight in the fish shop?" goes a joke that has been cited in print since at least 2006. "The fish got battered." It's not known who first…
“There’s a new pie shop near me. It’s open 22/7”
"24/7" usually means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week -- all the time. "22/7" is an approximation for the number π ("pi"). "There's a new shop only sells Pies…
“There’s nothing worse than spending money on disappointing food”
"There's nothing worse than spending money on disappointing food" and "Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain" are sayings that have been printed…