“Hard times like a stone clock”
"Hard times" doesn't usually involve a stone clock, but there are jokes. "RT @walteroho: Hard times like a stone clock #boss my #punchline :D" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“Hard to find four innocent people in New York”
American humorist Will Rogers (1879-1935) wrote in January 1923: "Another innocent bystander was shot in New York yesterday. You just stand around this town long and be innocent and…
“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard”
"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard" (or "Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard") is a popular sports saying that has been printed on many…
“Hard work is equal to prayer”
"Hard work is equal to prayer" was a motto of Lal Bahadur Shastri, Prime Minister of India (1964-66). Shastri believed that hard work was a religious article of faith, and his saying has…
“Hard work is the accumulation of easy things you didn’t do”
A popular statement about hard work is: "Hard work is the accumulation of easy things you didn't do when you should have." The saying has been cited in print since at least 1951. It…
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” (joke)
"Hard work never killed/hurt/harmed anybody/anyone" is a proverb from at least 1874. The saying means that one shouldn't be lazy and that one should work hard; people who perform…
“Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now”
"Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now" is a popular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters and T-shirts. The Blondie comic strip, on July 2,…
“Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self-control needed”
Some jobs provide temptations. Who can resist popping a bubble wrap? "Hardest job ever: Working in a bubble wrap factory. Imagine the self-control needed" and "I can’t even imagine…
“Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend. They’re both cauldron”
In the Harry Potter series of seven fantasy novels written by British author J. K. Rowling, Harry has a friend named Ron Weasley. There is a popular joke about that. "Why does Harry get his…
“Harry Potter walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A Harry Potter version is: “Harry Potter walks into a bar. Because I put them on his…
“Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or…?”
"Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life" is a jocular saying about cookie dough that has been…
“Has anyone else ever noticed that Mallomars are marshmallows backwards? Duhhhhh”
Mallomars are cookies, first introduced in 1913 by Nabisco, with a graham cracker base topped with marshmallow, and coated with dark chocolate. The chocolate melted in the summer, and the product…
“Has anyone else noticed the word ‘pandemic’ is just ‘dem’ surrounded by ‘panic?’”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic saw some Republicans point out the "Dem" (Democrat) in "pandemic." "When you realize that the word Pandemic is just ‘Dem‘ surrounded…
“Has anyone ever found their marbles?”
Marbles is a game. To "lose one's marbles" is an idiom meaning "to become insane." "is wondering if anyone has found their marbles...they seem to be lost..." was…
“Has anyone got any tips on cooking asparagus?”
"Anyone got any Tips on cooking asparagus?" was posted on Twitter by Sam Poullain on February 7, 2011. "got any tips on cooking asparagus? :)" was posted on Twitter by mike on…
“Has anyone here ever drank a pint of tequila? I know it’s a long shot”
"Has anyone on here ever drunk a pint of Tequila? I know it's a long shot" is a drinking pun that was posted on X/Twitter by Matt Ward on January 31, 2012. "A pint of tequila?…
“Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?”
Worcestershire sauce is something that many people don't use a lot of. "Has anyone lived long enough to buy a 2nd bottle of Worchestershire sauce ?" was posted on Twitter by Jason on…
“Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second jar of Marmite?”
Marmite is something that many people don’t use a lot of. "I lived under so many Prime Ministers, I'm on my second jar of marmite" was posted on Twitter by Geoff(Disenfrachised…
“Has anyone tried turning the country off and on again?”
The 2020 COVID-19 pandemic made life difficult for many countries. "Has anyone tried turning the country off and on again?" -- something one does to a computer system -- is a joke that…
“Has there ever been a meat product that claimed it tastes like vegetables?”
Many food products made of vegetables claim that they taste like meat. However, is there a meat product that claims it tastes like vegetables? "They should have meat that tastes like…