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January 17, 2025
Time/Weather

“If the weather can’t be nice for more than 2 days in a row, then neither can I”

"If the weather can't be nice for more than 2/two days in a row, then neither can I" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Bad weather often causes a bad attitude…

January 17, 2025
Time/Weather

“If the weather can’t be nice for more than two days in a row, neither can I”

"If the weather can't be nice for more than 2/two days in a row, then neither can I" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Bad weather often causes a bad attitude…

May 21, 2015
Transportation

“If the wheels aren’t turning, you’re not earning” (trucking adage)

Entry in progress -- B.P. Washington (DC) PostStoryline ⋅ The way we workThe Department of Transportation wants truckers to sleep more. Congress said no.The cromnibus temporarily rolled back some…

June 9, 2018
Time/Weather

“If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off”

"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall…

June 10, 2018
Time/Weather

“If the world didn’t suck, we’d all fly into space”

"If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall…

December 16, 2017
Work/Businesses

“If the world is getting smaller, why do postal rates keep going up?”

“If the world is getting smaller, why do they keep raising the postal rates?” is a jocular saying that was printed in many 1961 newspapers. "If the world is really getting smaller, why do…

April 30, 2022
Food/Drink

“If there are jelly beans, why aren’t there peanut butter beans?”

There are jellybeans, but no peanut butter beans. "I like jelly beans, but infinitely better would be peanut butter beans" was posted on Twitter by Ben Cobb on April 4, 2011. "Ok I…

October 4, 2024
Pets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went”

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went" is a popular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "If there are no dogs…

February 9, 2025
Government/Law/Military/Religion /HealthPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“If there are no good cops and no bad dogs, then what’s a police dog?”

"No bad dogs. No good cops" (or "No good cops. No bad dogs") is a saying that has been printed on many images. "no bad dogs, no good cops" was posted on X/Twitter by…

November 18, 2021
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“If there is a ‘health food’ section in a grocery store, what does that make the rest of the food?”

"If there is a 'health food' section in the grocery store, what does that make the rest of the food sold there?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Dr, Mark Hyman…

March 5, 2024
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If there is a government shutdown who will spy on me, waste my money and have contempt for me?”

"If there is a government shutdown who will spy on me, waste my money and have contempt for me?" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "'@hereiblog: Facebook: If…

August 21, 2013
Media/Newspapers/Magazines/Internet

“If there is a question in a headline, the answer is always no” (journalism adage)

Newspaper headlines sometime ask a question, and the answer to that question is usually "no." If the answer is "yes," then it's a fact and there would be no reason to ask a…

October 23, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If there is a risk, there must be a choice”

"If/Where there is risk, there must be choice" (or "If/Where there is a risk, there must be a choice") is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is associated…

February 20, 2021
Food/Drink

“If there is coconut milk, there is coconut cheese”

There is coconut milk, so many people believe that there should be coconut cheese. "I'd probably be down to just coconut milk - can you make coconut cheese?!" was posted on Twitter…

October 23, 2021
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If there is risk, there must be choice”

"If/Where there is risk, there must be choice" (or "If/Where there is a risk, there must be a choice") is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is associated…

October 6, 2025
Sports/GamesTime/Weather

“If there were an Autumn Olympics, it would consist of leaf raking and cold avoidance”

There are Summer Olympic Games and Winter Olympic Games, but nothing for autumn. Many people have suggested events (jokingly) that could be in an Autumn Olympics, such as bobbing for apples,…

November 7, 2015
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“If there’s a bar where everybody knows your name, you’re probably an alcoholic”

"If there's a bar where everybody knows your name, you're probably an alcoholic" is a jocular saying that has been printed on GIFs." The American television sitcom Cheers…

March 10, 2024
Food/Drink

“If there’s a vegetable emergency, Kale 999”

"If there’s a vegetable emergency, Kale 911" was posted on Facebook by Katy Haseley to the group Home Groan Puns on January 30, 2024. This is a pun on "call 911," the…

December 12, 2012
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“If there’s anything a public servant hates to do it’s something for the public”

"If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public" is a popular cynical remark about the self-interest of "public servants." "If…

May 11, 2018
Sports/Games

“If there’s one thing that makes me throw up, it is a dartboard on the ceiling”

A dartboard is usually put on a wall, not a ceiling. "Every time I see a dartboard on the ceiling it makes want to throw up!" was posted on Twitter on June 30, 2010. "I put a dart…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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