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August 5, 2020
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health

“I went to a protest last weekend and all I got was this lousy t shirt…and a TV…”

"My parent went to Florida and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" is a popular meme from the 1970s. June and July 2020 had protests and civil unrest (riots) following the death of George…

April 23, 2024
Work/Businesses

“I went to a really bad manicure competition yesterday. It was nail-biting”

"Nail-biting" means something that causes anxiety or suspense. This doesn't usually involve actual nail biting, but there are manicure joke. "Just been at the manicure would…

April 1, 2017
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to a restaurant and the food was all done with special effects. It was CGI Fridays”

A joke about the restaurant chain TGI Fridays is: "I went to a restaurant and the food was all done with special effects. It was CGI Fridays." "'I went to a restaurant and the…

May 4, 2025
Food/DrinkPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to a restaurant last night which had horse on the menu. The starter wasn’t very good, but the mane was excellent!”

A joke about eating horse was posted on Sickipedia on May 4, 2025: "I went to a restaurant last night which had horse on the menu. The starter wasn't very good, but the mane was…

December 15, 2023
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to a restaurant run by cows. They didn’t allow tipping”

Restaurant tipping is not the same as cow tipping, but there are jokes. "Why don’t cows work in restaurants? They kept getting tipped" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on February 22,…

March 31, 2023
Buildings/Housing/Parks

“I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor. Yes, it was the VI P room”

A "VIP Room" is for Very Important Persons. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes,/a> on October 15, 2020: "I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor. Yes, it was the VI P…

March 20, 2016
Food/Drink

“I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel”

A popular seafood pun is: "I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel." The "pulled a mussel/muscle" pun has been cited in print since at least 2003. Google…

October 21, 2020
Work/Businesses

“I went to a smoke shop, but it had been replaced by an apparel store. Clothes, but no cigar”

"Close, but no cigar" is a popular expression that has been the subject of several puns. "I asked my grandmother for "something Cuban" for my birthday, and she got me a Che…

July 26, 2019
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/Circus

“I went to a strip club for blind people. The girls there were dancing like nobody was watching”

"You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watchin’" is a lyric in the song "Come from the Heart" (1987). The meaning is to dance uninhibited. "Business idea: Strip club for…

April 12, 2018
Food/Drink

“I went to a vegan prostitute last night and she gave me her peas”

"Herpes" (a disease) sounds like "her peas," and there have been many puns. "I once went out with a girl that gave me peas with my dinner, just so she could say she gave me…

February 28, 2018
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to a vegan restaurant last night. Was told the menu was quite tasty” (joke)

Saying "the menu was tasty" doesn't necessarily mean the actual menu, but a joke was posted on Sickipedia on February 20, 2018: "I went into a vegan restaurant as I was told the…

January 8, 2017
Buildings/Housing/ParksPets (Dogs, Cats, Horses)

“I went to a zoo and it had only one animal—a dog. It was a Shih Tzu”

"I went to a zoo the other day and it had only one animal -- a dog. It was a Shih Tzu (shit zoo)" is a popular joke that has been printed on many images. The joke has been cited in print…

December 16, 2022
Sports/Games

“I went to an acting class and a soccer game broke out”

Many people watching soccer (especially World Cup soccer) have long believed that the soccer players fall down and "act" to draw penalties on the opposing players. "I just went to a…

February 22, 2018
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to an open-air cafe yesterday and it rained. Took me two hours to finish my soup”

An old joke has it that someone went to a restaurant with a leaky roof -- and it took several hours to finish the soup. Another version is that the person went to an open-air restaurant, and that…

December 8, 2020
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to buy some bouillon cubes at the store today, but they were all out of stock”

"Out of stock" means that a business has no more of an item. It shouldn't be confused with the "stock" that is broth (bouillon), but there are jokes. "I went to buy…

December 8, 2021
Food/Drink

“I went to cinema last night and saw a movie about cheese. It was G rated”

"G-rated" (a movie rating meaning "All ages admitted. Nothing that would offend parents for viewing by children") shouldn't be confused with "grated," but there…

October 1, 2024
Music/Dance/Theatre/Film/CircusRestaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to Dan’s cafe, but was put off by the non-stop George Michael music. I’m never going to Dan’s again”

A joke on George Michael's song "Careless Whisper" (1984) was posted on Facebook by Tom Whiteman on July 3, 2018: "I popped in to a place called Dan's Cafe for a bite to…

January 31, 2018
Food/Drink

“I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day. Bought a Bing, bought a boom”

"Bada bing, bada boom!" is an expression to emphasize something regarded as surprising, sudden, effortlessly achieved or impressive. There have been many puns on the expression, with a…

December 11, 2018
Work/Businesses

“I went to Legoland last week. People were lined up for blocks”

"I went to legoland last week and it was packed. People were lined up for blocks" was posted on Twitter by "my puns have a Claus and effect" on November 8, 2018. Legos are…

December 14, 2021
Restaurants/Bars/Coffeehouses/Food Stores

“I went to McDonald’s and ordered 2 large fries. They gave me around 75 tiny ones instead”

"Large fries" and "small fries" are the same size of french fries -- the "large" order just contains more of them. "mcdonalds employee: please sir, get off the…

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BARRY POPIK is a contributor to the Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary of American Regional English, Historical Dictionary of American Slang, Yale Book of Quotations and Dictionary of Modern Proverbs. Since 1990 he has also been a regular contributor to Gerald Cohen's Comments on Etymology.

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