“What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?”/“The poolice.”
"Poolice" (poll + police) is a portmanteau word that has been infrequently used. "Poolice search doctor’s office for records. Poolice, are those swimming pool cops?" was…
“What do you call a snake that works in the government?”/“A civil serpent.”
"Civil serpent" is a popular malapropism for "civil servant." A popular joke in October 1961 featured little girls telling each other what their fathers did. "My daddy is a…
“What do you call a tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy theorist?”/“The Alluminati.”
"Tin foil hat" can describe someone who believes in conspiracy theories; the hat itself is usually aluminum foil. "Alluminati" is a portmanteau of "aluminum" and…
“What do you call an alligator in a vest?”/“An investigator.”
An alligator riddle that has been printed on images is: Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?A: An investigator. The alligator pun was posted on Twitter on September 20, 2010, but went viral…
“What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down stairs?”/“A condescending con descending.”
A popular pun is: Q: What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down stairs?A: A condescending con descending. "A condescending con descending" was a "Cryptoquip" puzzle…
“What do you call an IQ of 160 in the marines?”/“A platoon.”
A riddle (told two ways) makes fun of the Marines. "Hey, John, what do you call a Marine with an IQ of 112? A Platoon" was posted on the newsgroup alt.tasteless.jokes on October 12, 1998.…
“What do you call cows that don’t have a sense of humor?”/“Feminists.”
"What do you call cows with a sense of humor?"/"A laughing stock" is a joke from at least 1975 that was posted on Reddit on December 2, 2015. A slightly different joke was…
“What do you call the study of feminism?”/“Triggernometry.”
Several jokes have it that feminists study "trigonometry" or "triggernometry" (trigger + trigonometry). "If a tumblr feminist majors in Women's rights, what do they…
“What do you call twin police officers?”/“Copies.”
A police riddle is: Q: What do you call twin police officers?A: Copies. The joke is that "cop" becomes "copies." "What do u call twin police officers? Copies" was…
“What do you call two pints of strict rules?”/“A quart of law.”
"A court of law" shouldn't be confused with "a quart of law." The western television series The Texan aired the episode "A Quart of Law" on January 12, 1959.…
“What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?”/“No more jokes about the profit.”
A capitalism riddle is: Q: What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?A: No more jokes about the profit. The pun is on the words "profit" and "prophet." The riddle was…
“What do you get when an cross an elephant with a RINO?” (joke)
A joke cited in print from at least 1973 is: Q. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino.A. An elephino. (Hell-if-I-know -- ed.) The joke is also told with RINO (Republican In Name…
“What do you get when you ask a politician for the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth?”
"Do you solemnly swear or affirm that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god?" is a sworn oath. Politicians are often said to have a problem…
“What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?”/“Another lawyer.”
A lawyer joke is: Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?A: Another lawyer. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1989, when it was published in the Chicago…
“What do you get when you cross a police dog with a skunk?”/“Law & odor.”
A "law and order" pun is: Q: What do you get when you cross a police dog with a skunk?A: Law & odor. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1996. 12 January 1996, The News…
“What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?” (lawyer joke)
The Italian mafia boss Don Corleone spoke the following line in Mario Puzo's novel The Godfather (1969, later made into a 1972 film): "He's a businessman. I'll make him an offer…
“What do you get when you put guacamole on a BLT?”/“An LGBT.” (Gay BLT)
BLT and LGBT aren't related terms, but there's a joke: Q: What do you get when you put guacamole on a BLT?A: An LGBT. "Would that be a gay BLT that only likes other BLT's?"…
“What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand? (lawyer joke)
One of the most popular of lawyer jokes is: Q. What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?A. Not enough sand. The joke has been told since at least the mid-1980s. Other…
“What do you say to a mother of members of the military?”/“Thank you for your cervix.”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Long Beach (CA) Post AUG 4 2016 5:56 PMA Hash From the Past: Running Club Serves Up Beer, History and Playful DebaucheryJason RUiz(...)They’re witty—Adam from West Los…
“What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners” (lawyer joke)
The drowning lawyer (or lawyers) joke has been one of the most popular of lawyer jokes. THe following joke has been cited in print since at least 1994: Q: What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?A:…