“If they told you to bring ice, you can’t cook”
"If they tell/told you to bring ice, you can't cook" is a saying that has been printed on many images. “If they tell you to just bring cups, plates and ice for Thanksgiving, your…
“If they’re not serving beer at my funeral, I’m not going”
"If they don't have alcohol/beer/liquor at my funeral, I'm not going" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "If there isn’t beer at my funeral I’m…
“If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?”
"If this doughnut and chocolate milk are going to take years off my life, could I have them remove 1978-1982?" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Steve Olivas on June 21, 2013.…
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee”
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee" is a frequently cited anecdote that has usually been attributed to Abraham Lincoln…
“If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?”
Botanically, a tomato is a fruit. "If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup technically a smoothie?" is a jocular line that has been printed on posters and e-cards. "Today, I…
“If tuna is chicken of the sea, does that make chicken tuna of the land?”
Entry in progress -- BP Reddit -- StonerThoughtsPosted by u/markp_93 March 7, 2019Chicken is tuna of the land Reddit -- NoStpuiduestionsPosted by u/dab840 June 17, 2019If tuna is chicken of the…
“If two vegans have a fight, is it still considered a beef?”
When someone has a "beef" with someone else, it means a "grudge" or a "complaint." The word "beef" does not mean "meat," but the confusion leads to…
“If two vegans have an argument, is it still called a beef? Or is it a quornfrontation?”
“If two vegans have a fight, is it still considered a beef?” is a popular joke. "Quornfrontation" (quorn + confrontation) is often added to the end of the joke. "If two vegans…
“If vegetables are so good, why do vegans always try to make them taste like meat?”
"If vegetables are so good, why do vegans always try to make them taste like meat?" is a saying that has been printedon several images. "If vegetables are so good, why do vegans…
“If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?”
"If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several signs. The saying has been cited in print since at least 2000…
“If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy”
The food phrase "you are what you eat" is taken from a phrase by Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826): "Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are." Many…
“If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?”
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?" is a humorous saying that has been put on T-shirts and has been included in many collections of one-line…
“If we get rid of all the margarine, the world would be a butter place”
"If we get rid of all the margarine, the world would be a butter place" is a jocular saying, with a pun on "the world would be a better place." Authorship is unknown. "Now…
“If we getting drunk tonight lmk now so I can eat a lunchable”
"If we getting drunk tonight lmk now so I can eat a lunchable" (or "If we getting drunk tonight let me know now so I can eat a lunchable") was posted on Facebook by Michael…
“If we go on a date we’re getting appetizers bc that’s what my hors d’serve”
"Hors d'oeuvres" can be difficult to spell. This joke was posted on X/Twitter by uncle ric on December 9, 2020, and it received over 372,000 likes: "If we go on a date we’re…
“If we got rid of all the margarine and spreads, the world would be a butter place”
"If we get rid of all the margarine, the world would be a butter place" is a jocular saying, with a pun on "the world would be a better place." Authorship is unknown. "Now…
“If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs—if we had some eggs”
"If we had some ham, we could have ham and eggs -- if we had some eggs" (or "If I had some bread, I could make a ham sandwich -- if I had some ham") is a jocular saying from a…
“If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?”
"If we're not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?" is a jocular saying that has been cited in print since at least 1999. "If we…
“If we start calling it ‘potato juice’, vodka becomes a health drink, RIGHT??”
"If we start calling it 'potato juice', vodka becomes a health drink, RIGHT??" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "@donjuantip: If we start calling…
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
"If we're not supposed to eat late-night snacks, why is there a light in the refrigerator?" (or, "If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the…