“A friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn”
"When someone told me I lived in a fantasy land/world, I nearly fell off my unicorn" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I was out riding with my girlfriend.…
Big Chilli (Bangkok, Thailand nickname)
“A friend told me that all apples were yellow… I was like, ‘that’s bananas’”
"A friend told me that all apples were yellow... I was like, 'that's bananas'" is a pun that was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on September 12, 2016. "Bananas" can…
“A friend tweeted ‘what’s a simile?’ I clicked the ‘like’ button”
A "like" button on the internet has nothing to do with a simile (a statement that uses "like" or "as"), but there are jokes. This was posted on Sickipedia on January…
“A friend wanted to start collecting dogs. I gave him a couple of pointers”
"Pointer" is a medium-sized breed of pointing dog, and the "pointer" name is used in puns. "A friend wanted to start collecting dogs. I gave him a couple of pointers"…
“A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship”
Colgate Hoyt (1849-1922), an American businessman, said in 1901: "Business founded on friendship is friendship endangered, but friendship founded on business is friendship assured." John…
“A frog walks in to a bar and orders a ‘Wodka’...” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A frog version is: "A frog walks in to a bar and orders a 'Wodka.'…
“A fruit farmer told me: ‘I eat what fruit I can, and what I can’t I can’”
A pun on the two meanings of the word "can" was posted on Reddit -- Oneliners on April 11, 2023: "A fruit farmer told me: 'I eat what fruit I can, and what I can't I…
“A fruit probably wouldn’t travel to Australia, but a veggie might”
Vegemite (an Australian food spread made from leftover brewers' yeast extract) has had several "veggie might" puns. This was posted to Reddit -- Jokes on January 9, 2017: "A…
“A full mind is an empty bat” (baseball adage)
Baseball players hitting in the batter's box often think too much, resulting in poor performance." "A full mind is an empty bat" is a saying that has been credited to baseball…
“A full pocketbook often groans more loudly than an empty stomach”
President Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945) gave a campaign speech at the Brooklyn Academy of Music on November 1, 1940: "It is an unfortunate human failing that a full pocketbook often groans…
“A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand”
"A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand" is a popular "dad joke." "Me: 'How about one night stand?' She: 'That'll be $199…
“A gaffe is when a politician tells the truth” (Kinsley gaffe)
"A 'gaffe' is the opposite of a 'lie': It's when a politician tells the truth," wrote political pundit Michael Kinsley in 1984. It's become known as…
“A game of inches” (sports saying)
The expression "game of inches" means that there is a very close line between winning and losing. "Football is a game of inches, not yards" was cited in print in November 1941,…
“A game of solitaire is probably one of the slowest ways to sort a deck of cards”
Some people view Solitaire less as a game and more as a way to arrange cards. "Solitare is just a very complicated way to unshuffle a deck of cards" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts…
“A gathering of baboons is called a congress”
"A group of baboons is called a congress" is a "fact" that became popular on the Internet by about 1999. A group of baboons is usually called a "troop" and a large…
“A gentleman is a man who can play the saxophone but doesn’t”
"A gentleman is a man who can play the saxophone/bagpipes/accordion but doesn't" is an old joke of unknown authorship. a gentleman is a man who can play a cornet but won't"…
“A German walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A German version is: "A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender…
“A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." An grammar version is: "A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to…
“A ghost walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular version involving a ghost is: "A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender says,…
“A giant lightbulb walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A lightbulb version is: "A giant light bulb walks into a bar. The bartender looks up…