“I mean, yeah, I could probably live without coffee, but…”
"I mean, yeah, I could probably live without coffee, but I wouldn’t wish that science experiment on anyone" was posted on Twitter by The Real American Dadass on May 13, 2018. The…
Texas (Lone Star State Dictionary)
“I met a drunk ventriloquist who said she wanted to sleep with me…” (joke)
“'This may be the wine talking' – Drunk Ventriloquist" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Steve on August 18, 2014. "I met a drunk ventriloquist who said she wanted to…
“I met a girl at a soccer game. I think she’s a keeper”
"She's a keeper" means that a person has found a good person for a partnership. "Keeper" in soccer (association football) means a "goalkeeper." "#manrules if…
“I met my ex-wife at the gym. We didn’t work out”
There's a difference between "workout" and "work out," and there's a pun: "I met my ex-wife down at the gym. We didn't workout." The joke was cited on…
“I met my girlfriend at an African language class. We just clicked!”
The African Khoisan languages share click consonants. "Met a lovely lady at my Khoisan language class. Amazing how we just clicked" was posted on Twitter by Tom Fox on October 24, 2014.…
“I met my wife on the net. We were bad trapeze artists”
The internet is often called simply "the net." A joke by Milton Jones was posted on Twitter on August 14, 2012: "My parents met on the net. They were both rubbish trapeze…
“I met my wife on Tinder. That was awkward”
Tinder is an American online dating website. "I met my wife on Tinder" could mean success -- the person's Tinder date resulted in a marriage. However, the line is used as a joke,…
“I met someone else who urinates on fruit. We’re going to go on a date”
"Go on a date" doesn't mean to "go" (urinate) on a "date" (fruit), but there have been several puns. "Let's go on a date! I love urinating on fruit,…
“I might be going to hell, but at least my coffee will never get cold!”
"I Might Be Going To Hell, But At Least My Coffee Will Never Get Cold!" (shown on an image) was posted on Facebook by "Coffee on the Brain" on May 27, 2022. Hell is said to be…
“I might not be a 10 on the beach, but I’m a solid 8 at Walmart”
"I may/might not be a 10 on the beach, but I'm a solid 8 at Walmart" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. The people who shop at Walmart are usually not highly…
“I might not be pretty, but I fuck like the government”
"I may not be much to look at, but I fuck like the government" (or "I may be ugly, but I fuck like the government") is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I may…
“I might sleep in the spare bedroom tonight and pretend I’m in a hotel” (quarantine joke)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic forced many people to stay at home. "Might Stay In The Spare Bedroom Tonight And Pretend I'm In A Hotel..." was posted on Facebook by Daniel…
“I might wake up early and go running…” (joke)
"I might wake up early and go running. I also might wake up and win the lottery. The odds are about the same" is a jocular line about running -- or not running -- that has been printed on…
“I miss being able to raw dog oxygen”
"Raw dog" usually means sexual intercourse without a condom. The 2020 COVID-19 (coronavirus) pandemic resulted in requirements to wear face masks, and "raw dog oxygen" (or…
“I miss my wife’s cooking—as often as I can”
"I miss my wife's cooking -- as often as I can" is a popular joke of uncertain origin. "I miss my wife's cooking — whenever I get a chance!" was cited in print in…
“I miss New York so much, sometimes I fill my humidifier with urine”
American actor and stand-up comedian Emo Phillips once lived and worked in New York City, and his act included a joke about the city's smell. "When I leave new york I get homesick, so i…
“I miss skipping school. Calling out of work is too serious”
"I miss skipping school. Calling out of work is too serious" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I miss skipping school. Calling out of work is too serious 😅"…
“I miss the 90s when bread was still good for you and nobody knew what kale was”
"I miss the 90s when bread was still good for you and nobody knew what kale was" is a saying that has been printd on many images. Many people like bread and hate kale. Authorship of the…
“I miss the days when ‘employee appreciation’ meant promotions and raises, and not free coffee and doughnuts once a month”
"Employee appreciation" at many companies is not what it used to be. This was posted on Facebook by Work Memes on July 3, 2025, and it received over 2,100 shares: "I miss the days…
“I miss when ‘The News’ was just a guy in a suit telling you what happened, instead of a 24 hour panic machine…”
The television news in the 1960s used to be just a guy in a suit (such as American broadcast journalist Walter Cronkite). Today's news has obvious agendas. This was posted on X/Twitter…