“I went to a restaurant run by cows. They didn’t allow tipping”
Restaurant tipping is not the same as cow tipping, but there are jokes. "Why don’t cows work in restaurants? They kept getting tipped" was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on February 22,…
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs
“I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor. Yes, it was the VI P room”
A "VIP Room" is for Very Important Persons. A joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes,/a> on October 15, 2020: "I went to a Roman bathroom on the 6th floor. Yes, it was the VI P…
“I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel”
A popular seafood pun is: "I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel." The "pulled a mussel/muscle" pun has been cited in print since at least 2003. Google…
“I went to a smoke shop, but it had been replaced by an apparel store. Clothes, but no cigar”
"Close, but no cigar" is a popular expression that has been the subject of several puns. "I asked my grandmother for "something Cuban" for my birthday, and she got me a Che…
“I went to a strip club for blind people. The girls there were dancing like nobody was watching”
"You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watchin’" is a lyric in the song "Come from the Heart" (1987). The meaning is to dance uninhibited. "Business idea: Strip club for…
“I went to a vegan prostitute last night and she gave me her peas”
"Herpes" (a disease) sounds like "her peas," and there have been many puns. "I once went out with a girl that gave me peas with my dinner, just so she could say she gave me…
“I went to a vegan restaurant last night. Was told the menu was quite tasty” (joke)
Saying "the menu was tasty" doesn't necessarily mean the actual menu, but a joke was posted on Sickipedia on February 20, 2018: "I went into a vegan restaurant as I was told the…
“I went to a zoo and it had only one animal—a dog. It was a Shih Tzu”
"I went to a zoo the other day and it had only one animal -- a dog. It was a Shih Tzu (shit zoo)" is a popular joke that has been printed on many images. The joke has been cited in print…
“I went to an acting class and a soccer game broke out”
Many people watching soccer (especially World Cup soccer) have long believed that the soccer players fall down and "act" to draw penalties on the opposing players. "I just went to a…
“I went to an open-air cafe yesterday and it rained. Took me two hours to finish my soup”
An old joke has it that someone went to a restaurant with a leaky roof -- and it took several hours to finish the soup. Another version is that the person went to an open-air restaurant, and that…
“I went to buy some bouillon cubes at the store today, but they were all out of stock”
"Out of stock" means that a business has no more of an item. It shouldn't be confused with the "stock" that is broth (bouillon), but there are jokes. "I went to buy…
“I went to cinema last night and saw a movie about cheese. It was G rated”
"G-rated" (a movie rating meaning "All ages admitted. Nothing that would offend parents for viewing by children") shouldn't be confused with "grated," but there…
“I went to Dan’s cafe, but was put off by the non-stop George Michael music. I’m never going to Dan’s again”
A joke on George Michael's song "Careless Whisper" (1984) was posted on Facebook by Tom Whiteman on July 3, 2018: "I popped in to a place called Dan's Cafe for a bite to…
“I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day. Bought a Bing, bought a boom”
"Bada bing, bada boom!" is an expression to emphasize something regarded as surprising, sudden, effortlessly achieved or impressive. There have been many puns on the expression, with a…
“I went to Legoland last week. People were lined up for blocks”
"I went to legoland last week and it was packed. People were lined up for blocks" was posted on Twitter by "my puns have a Claus and effect" on November 8, 2018. Legos are…
“I went to McDonald’s and ordered 2 large fries. They gave me around 75 tiny ones instead”
"Large fries" and "small fries" are the same size of french fries -- the "large" order just contains more of them. "mcdonalds employee: please sir, get off the…
“I went to school for magicians, but failed the final exam. They were all trick questions”
A "trick question" shouldn't be confused with a question about tricks, but there are jokes. "Why did the students flunk the final exam at the Magician's School? They were…
“I went to school to become a wit—only got halfway through”
A half-wit is a foolish or imbecilic person. "I went to school to become a wit -- only got halfway through" is a jocular saying that has been cited in print since at least 1999 and is of…
“I went to Starbucks and asked for a medium roast. The barista said I had small ears”
A person who enters a coffee shop and orders a "medium roast" probably doesn't want a light ribbing, but there are many jokes. "Asked for a medium roast at Starbucks and the…
“I went to the Air and Space Museum the other day. There was nothing there!”
What's in an air and space museum? Just air and space? "I want my money back. I went to the air and space museum and there was nothing in it. http://bit.ly/NpDLu7 via @sickipedia"…