“What do you call a part-time orchestra leader?”/“A semi-conductor.”
"Semiconductor: A part-time orchestra leader" was posted on the newsgroup misc.legal on February 16, 1992. "'It was not so long ago,' said the politico Geraldine Ferraro,…
Food/Drink
“What do you call a participation trophy in astronomy?”/“A constellation prize.”
A "consolation prize" is not a "constellation prize," but there are jokes. "The astronomer's research project didn't win him the coveted Galaxy Award, but he did…
“What do you call a particularly shitty vegetable?”/“Pro-deuce.”
"Produce" sounds like "pro-deuce," and a pun is: "Fruits and vegetables prevent constipation. That's why they call it pro-deuce." "Deuce" means…
“What do you call a person missing 75% of their spine?”/“A quarterback.”
A football riddle was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on August 27, 2020: Q: What do you call a person missing 75% of their spine?A: A quarterback. The same riddle was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on the…
“What do you call a person who eats other people slowly?”/“A cannibble.”
"Cannibal" can sound like "can nibble" -- meaning someone "able to nibble" or someone who "nibbles cans" (or nibbles from cans). "What kind of person…
“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?”/“Retired.”
A retirement riddle has been printed on several images: Q: What do you call a person who is happy on Monday?A: Retired. The saying was posted on Twitter on September 20, 2014. TwitterRudeNCrude…
“What do you call a person who plays the viola?”/“A violator.”
A person who plays the viola is called a "violist" or simply a "viola player." However, a popular joke is: Q: What do you call a person who plays the viola? A: A violator. The…
“What do you call a phallic-shaped potato?”/“A dictator.”
The potato has a few “-tater” jokes, such as: Q: What do you call a phallic-shaped potato?A: A dictator. "What do you get when you cross a potato with a penis? A dictator" was cited…
“What do you call a phone shaped like an Italian dumpling?”/“A gnocchia.”
"Gnocchi" is a variety of pasta and "Nokia" is a mobile phone, so there are several "gnocchia" jokes. "I'm waiting for that Italian cell phone to become…
“What do you call a pig in the sun?”/“Bacon.”
"Bacon" sounds like "baking," leading to the joke: Q: What do you call a pig in the sun?A: Bacon. "What do you call a pig on the beach? Bacon in the sun!" was cited on…
“What do you call a pig on a leash?”/“Pulled pork.”
A pig riddle is: Q: What do you call a pig on a leash?A: Pulled pork. "What do you call a stubborn pig on a leash? Pulled pork" was posted on Twitter by Rolly on July 25, 2013. "What…
“What do you call a pig that is cold and growling?”/“A Ham-Brrr-Grrr.”
"Burger" is sometimes written as "BrrrrGrrrr," with the joking explanation that it's eaten by someone who is cold (brrrr) and angry (grrrr). "Hamburger" is…
“What do you call a pig that knows karate?”/“A pork chop.”
A popular food joke is: Q: What do you call a pig that does karate? A: A pork chop. The joke was published in Boys' Life in 1978 (and has been resubmitted by many other readers and published…
“What do you call a pig that’s cold and angry at the same time?”/“A ham-brr-grr”
"Burger" is sometimes written as "BrrrrGrrrr," with the joking explanation that it's eaten by someone who is cold (brrrr) and angry (grrrr). "Hamburger" is…
“What do you call a pig thief?”/“A ham-burglar.”
A riddle on the name of the "Hamburglar" (a character in McDonald's restaurant commercials) is: Q: What do you call a pig thief?A: A ham-burglar. The joke has been cited in print…
“What do you call a pig with no clothes on?”/“Streaky bacon.”
"Streaky bacon" has nothing to do with streaking, but there's a riddle: Q: What do you call a pig with no clothes on?A: Streaky bacon. The joke has been cited in print since at least…
“What do you call a pig with no legs?”/“A groundhog.”
A pig riddle has been printed on several images: Q: What do you call a pig with no legs?A: A groundhog. The joke (popular on Groundhog Day) has been cited in print since at least 2001. Google…
“What do you call a pious pepper?”/“A holy peño.”
"Holy peño" is sometimes given for "jalapeño." A "Holy-Peno Burger" by 8-year-old Charlie Beckett from Rathdrum, Idaho, was cited on Twitter on December 5, 2008 and…
“What do you call a pirate who skips class?”/“Captain Hooky.”
A pirate riddle is: Q: What do you call a pirate who skips class?A: Captain Hooky. "Captain Hooky" is a blend of "Captain Hook" and "hooky." The joke has been cited in…
“What do you call a pizza place run only by nonbinary people?”/“Little Ze/Zirs.”
Little Caesars is an American multi-national pizza chain. The gender neutral pronouns "Ze/Zir" are sometimes used to make a joke. "ze / zirs as in little caesars pizza ? is that…