“I can eat anything I want and not get fat because I’m already fat”
Some people can seemingly eat anything and not get fat. Mark Leggett posted on Twitter on April 23, 2014: "I can eat anything I want and not get fat because I'm already fat." The…
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health
“I can eat sugar with either hand. I’m ambidextrose”
"I can eat sugar with either hand. I'm ambidextrose" ("ambidetrose" is a portmanteau of "ambidextrous" and "dextrose") is a joke that has been printed…
“I can either work well with others or pass a drug test. But not both”
"Sorry, boss... You can either expect me to work well with others or pass a drug test. It can't be both" (or "I can either work well with others or pass a drug test. But not…
“I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you”
"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, buttons and posters. The saying is especially…
“I can get it for you wholesale”
I Can Get It for You Wholesale is the title of a 1937 novel by Jerome Weidman (1913-1998) about New York City's garment industry. The book was loosely adapted into a 1951 film starring Susan…
“I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell”
"I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell" is a joke from British stand-up comedian Gary Delaney, who used it in the BBC show Mock the Week. The joke was posted to…
“I can give you the formula for failure: Try to please everybody”
Longtime New York (NY) World editor Herbert Bayard Swope (1882-1958) said at a December 1950 dinner in his honor, as reported by Leonard Lyons: "Swope responded thus: He said that from the…
“I can hear Monday morning already whispering ‘Go fuck yourself’ into my ear”
"I can hear Monday morning already whispering 'Go fuck yourself' into my ear" is a jocular Monday work saying that has been printed on many images. "I can already hear…
“I can hold a note as long as the Chase Manhattan Bank” (singer Ethel Merman)
The actress Ethel Merman (1908-1984) in the musical play Girl Crazy (1930) sang the song "I Got Rhythm" (music by George Gershwin, lyrics by Ira Gershwin) and became an instant star.…
“I can hold a note as long as the Chase Manhattan Bank” (singer Ethel Merman)
The actress Ethel Merman (1908-1984) in the musical play Girl Crazy (1930) sang the song "I Got Rhythm" (music by George Gershwin, lyrics by Ira Gershwin) and became an instant star.…
“I can only sleep on stacks of old magazines. I’ve got back issues”
There have been several magazine puns on the term "back issues." "Did you hear about the woman who kept hurting herself lifting her boxes of old magazines? She had a lot of back…
“I can play by ear, but it’s much easier if I use my hands” (music joke)
"Playing by ear" doesn't mean that a musician uses ears instead of hands, but there are jokes. "I do play by ear. But I play better with my hands" was posted on Twitter by…
“I can please only one person per day; today is not your day; tomorrow’s not looking good either”
A popular office saying is "I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either." The saying is often attributed to the Dilbert comic…
“I can remove my tin-foil hat. Can you remove your spike proteins?”
"I can (always) remove my tin-foil hat. Can you remove your spike proteins?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. During the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, people who did…
“I can ski clearly now the rain has gone”
"I Can See Clearly Now" is a 1972 song written by Johnny Nash (1940-2020). "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" is the first line. "I can ski clearly now the rain…
“I can ski clearly now the rain is gone”
"I Can See Clearly Now" is a 1972 song written by Johnny Nash (1940-2020). "I can see clearly now the rain is gone" is the first line. "I can ski clearly now the rain…
“I can spell ‘banana,’ but I never know when to stop”
The word "banana" is sometimes difficult to spell, with an extra "n" and "a" often added. An old joke told of a small child who said that he could spell…
“I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone”
"I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone" -- referring to the days before smartphones -- is a one-line saying that has been printed on several images.…
“I can tell if people are judgemental just by looking at them”
"I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.…
“I can tell if people are judgmental just by looking at them”
"I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.…