“Beer because nothing actually happened over coffee”
Do more things happen over alcohol than coffee? "Beer because nothing actually happened over coffee. Fuck you CCD (CafeCoffeeDay -- ed.)!" was posted on Twitter by "Poor Spoiled…
Archive for /P26000
“I’ve reached the age where I can’t function without my glasses…especially if they’re empty”
"I've finally reached the age where I can't function without my glasses...especially if they're empty" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on several ecards.…
“I’m about to have a cup of dangerous coffee. Safe tea first though”
"Safety first" is a slogan that has been used since the early 1900s. "Safe-Tea First" is a pun that was used in Ridgways Tea advertisments from October 1914. A jocular saying…
“A book dies every time you watch a reality TV show”
Jersey Shore was an American reality television series that ran from 2009 until 2012. "Every time someone watches jersey shore, a book commits suicide!" was posted on Twitter on January…
“Don’t update your status when you’re drunk”
"Never go shopping when you're hungry" is a saying that became popular in the 1970s. "THree rules to live by" were first posted on Twitter on April 17, 2012: 1. Don't…
“I’m a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear”
A popular paycheck joke is: "I'm a magician. I can make my paycheck disappear." "You're (magician Doug Henning -- ed.) good...but the government is faster at ,making a…
“I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided…” (joke)
"This town ain't big enough for the both of us" is a line that supposedly started fights in the old Wild West. A one-line joke is: "A lot of conflict in the old Wild West could…
“Lost like a fat person at a salad bar”
"Lost as/like a fat person at a salad bar" is a simile that has had infrequent use. Fat people supposedly avoid eating healthy, such as at salad bars. "I'm lost like a fat gurl…
“I really love my fanbase…without it my fan would fall over”
Sports and entertainment stars have "fans," and there's a joke: "I really love my fanbase...without it my fan would fall over." The joke was posted to Twitter on December…
“It’s not my fault I blame everyone else for my mistakes”
"It's not my fault that I blame everyone else for my mistakes" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on an ecard. "It's not my fault I blame everyone else for…
“I’ve grown to hate low ceilings”
"I've grown to hate low ceilings" is a jocular one-line saying that takes the expression "grown to hate" with literal physical growth. "I've grown to hate low…
“I can’t believe pretzels are knot bread”
Pretzels are baked bread often -- but not always -- shaped into a twisted knot. "Why do people eat pretzels since they are knot food? (Pun of the Day)" -- from the website Pun of the Day…
“The life of a snail is taken with a pinch of salt”
The expression "take it with a grain/pinch of salt" means to not take it with great importance. However, salt melts snails, so it's important to them. A one-line saying is: "The…
“So many people in my area have head lice. The positive side is, we are a close nit community”
A pun on the term "close-knit community" was posted on Twitter on August 28, 2011: "I live in a really small village where everybody suffers terribly with head lice.. Its a close nit…
“Why do people carry umbrellas?”/“Because umbrellas can’t walk.”
An umbrella riddle is: Q: Why do people carry umbrellas?A: Because umbrellas can't walk. The riddle was printed in many newspapers in 1986. 21 January 1986, Morning Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA),…
“Where do animals go when their tails fall off?”/“The retail store.”
A pun about a "retail" store is: Q: Where do animals go when their tails fall off?A: To a retail store. "Where would a dog go to get a new tail? To a retail store!" was…
“What do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?”/“Squash.”
A "squash" pun is: Q: What do you get when an elephant walks through your garden?A: Squash. The elephant joke has been cited in print since at least 2003. Google BooksNoah's Favorite…
“What do you call a block of cheese that hasn’t been shredded?”/“Ungrateful.”
A cheese pun is: Q- What do you call a block of cheese that hasn't been shredded?A- Ungrateful. The cheese joke was posted on Twitter by Jonathan K. Fields on June 9, 2014. Similar…
“What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?”/“Canabananalism.”
"Canabananalism" or "cannibananalism" (cannibalism + banana) is a jocular portmanteau word that has been printed on many images. "When a banana eats another banana,…
“Bananosecond: The time between slipping on a banana peel and hitting the pavement”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Urban DictionaryBananosecondThe time between slipping and hitting the pavement.Yesterday I accidently slipped on a peel and within a bananosecond, found myself laying flat…