“A blind man walks into a shop with his seeing-eye dog…” (joke)
Many people walk through stores "just looking around." A joke was printed in the New York (NY) Times on August 30, 1983, of a blind person who grabs his seeing eye dog by the tail and…
Archive for 11/2017
“A surgeon, an architect, and a politician” (joke)
What is the oldest profession? "A surgeon, an architect, and a politician" is the start of a popular joke. The surgeon argues that Eve was created from Adam's rib, so surgery is the…
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”/“Because Colonel Sanders was after him.”
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" is an old joke from the 19th century. The punchline is usually "to get to the other side," but another version is: Q: Why did the chicken…
“Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?”/“Because he was stuffed.”
A teddy bear riddle was posted on the newsgroup alt.tasteless.jokes on October 11, 1997: Q: Why didn't the teddy bear eat anything?A: He was already stuffed. A dessert version was printed in…
“Cookie dough is the sushi of desserts”
"Cookie dough is the sushi of desserts" was posted on Reddit -- Shower Thoughts on August 2, 2014. Both cookie dough and sushi are raw food dishes. The saying has been printed on several…
“What time do ducks wake up?”/“At the quack of dawn.”
A duck riddle is: Q: What time do ducks wake up?A: At the quack of dawn. The pun has been cited in print since at least 1983, and has been printed on several images. Google Books January 1983,…
“What do snowmen call their offspring?”/“Chill-dren.”
A winter riddle is: Q: What do snowmen call their offspring?A: Chill-dren. "Chill-dren" is a pun on "chill" and "children." The joke has been cited in print since at…
“A goat walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A goat version is: "A goat walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'We don't…
“A cabbage and celery walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A food version is: "A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served…
“Chuck E. Cheese is really just a casino for children”
Chuck E. Cheese's is a chain of entertainment restaurants. It was called Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre in 1985, and was dubbed a "Las Vegas casino for kids." "Chuck…
“A marathon runner walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A running version is: "A runner walks into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Why the…
“What flies when it’s born, lies when it’s alive, and runs when it’s dead?”/“Snow.”
A winter riddle is: Q: What flies when it's born, lies when it's alive, and runs when it's dead?A: Snow. The riddle was posted on the newsgroup alt.rec.spot on May 5, 2000, and has…
“Onion rings are vegetable donuts”
"Onion rings are vegetable donuts" is a food saying that has been printed on several images. "Alcove onion rings are like cornbread donuts" was posted on Twitter on September 6,…
“An eel walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A eel version is: "An eel walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Back for more,…
“Quasimodo walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A version involving the fictional character Quasimodo is: "Quasimodo walks into a bar…
“I used to date an opera singer, but it didn’t work out. She was all mi, mi, mi”
Opera singers sometimes rehearse with "mi, mi, mi" ("me, me, me"). "Old gag: Do you have to practise your opera singing so loud? You're so selfish. It's all ME ME…
“The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian”
"The gender neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian" is a jocular saying about a "sugar daddy" that has been
“You are what you eat—minus what you excrete”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“A runner walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A running version is: "A runner walks into a bar. The bartender asks, 'Why the…
“I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it” (joke)
A classic swimming pool joke has been cited in print since at least 1993. A lifeguard tells a swimmer that he's banned for peeing in the pool. "But everyone pees in the pool!" the…