“When I eat at a restaurant, the waiter tips me”
"When [X] eats at a restaurant, the waiter/waitress tips him" is a joke said about several powerful people, including American martial artist and actor Chuck Norris and Dos Equis beer…
Alphebetical for "w"
“When I eat at a restaurant, the waitress tips me”
"When [X] eats at a restaurant, the waiter/waitress tips him" is a joke said about several powerful people, including American martial artist and actor Chuck Norris and Dos Equis beer…
“When I exercise, I wear all black—it’s like a funeral for my fat”
"When I exercise I wear all black -- it's like a funeral for my fat" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many posters. "I wear all black to the gym cause its like a…
“When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog, like I’m a blackjack dealer”
"When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog, like I'm a blackjack dealer" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The dog is looking the some food.…
“When I found out my microwave wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked”
A jocular one-liner about a microwave oven is: "When I found out my microwave wasn't waterproof, I was shocked." The "shocking" pun was cited on Twitter on May 21, 2012.…
“When I found out my new toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked”
"When I found out my new toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on June 23, 2010. The joke probably originated on the…
“When I get my tax money, I’m cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water”
"When I get my tax money, I'm cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Ramen noodles are what a poor person eats, while Fiji…
“When I get my taxes, I’m boiling my ramen noodles in Fiji water”
"When I get my tax money, I'm cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Ramen noodles are what a poor person eats, while Fiji…
“When I get younger, I’m going to be a time traveller”
"When I get younger i'm going to be a Time Traveller :)" was posted on Twitter by Tony547uk (and others) on October 13, 2011. Authorship of the joke is uncertain. "When I get…
“When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner”
"When I grow up, I'd like to be a retired lottery winner" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "When I grow up I'd like to be a 'Retired…
“When I hear somebody sigh that ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’”
"When I hear somebody sigh that 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'" is a jocular line about life's troubles that has been printed on…
“When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a housewarming party and now I’m homeless”
A "housewarming party" no longer involves making a house warm, but there are jokes. "When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party. Now I'm…
“When I open my first business, I’m only hiring trans women. Men’s strength, Women’s wages”
"When I open my first business, I'm only hiring trans women. Men's strength, Women's wages" is a joke that has been printed on many images. Authorship of the meme is…
“When I order Amazon chicken pellets, I get an email a few days later asking for their feed back!”
"Feedback" should not be confused with "feed back," but there are puns. This joke was posted on Sickipedia on August 15, 2019: "I've had it with Amazon. Every time I…
“When I order pizza online and there’s a ‘Notes’ box, I put ‘Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON’”
An online food delivery order often has a "notes" or "special instructions" space, so the ordering party can inform the delivery person of the procedure at that address (such as…
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading”
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading" is a joke that has been included in many collections of sayings about drinking. The joke has been cited in print since at…
“When I said ‘nuke the Chinese,’ I meant put the takeout in the microwave”
Microwave cooking is called "nuking." A joke has been printed on many images: "When I said 'nuke the Chinese,' I meant put the takeout in the microwave." "Time to…
“When I said butter, I actually meant ghee. I should have clarified”
Ghee is a class of clarified butter that originated in India. "When I said butter, I actually meant ghee. I should have clarified" was posted on Twitter by Sanjeev Kohli on April 10,…
“When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed”
"When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "My version of a clean room, a…
“When I say ‘I’ll figure it out’ I mean I’ll just adapt to whatever new level of hell is coming”
People often say "I'll figure it out" when they see something new. This was posted on X/Twitter by Mike Primavera on July 12, 2023: "When I say 'I'll figure it…