“I went to cinema last night and saw a movie about cheese. It was G rated”
"G-rated" (a movie rating meaning "All ages admitted. Nothing that would offend parents for viewing by children") shouldn't be confused with "grated," but there…
Alphebetical for "i"
“I went to Dan’s cafe, but was put off by the non-stop George Michael music. I’m never going to Dan’s again”
A joke on George Michael's song "Careless Whisper" (1984) was posted on Facebook by Tom Whiteman on July 3, 2018: "I popped in to a place called Dan's Cafe for a bite to…
“I went to go shopping for cherries and microphones the other day. Bought a Bing, bought a boom”
"Bada bing, bada boom!" is an expression to emphasize something regarded as surprising, sudden, effortlessly achieved or impressive. There have been many puns on the expression, with a…
“I went to Legoland last week. People were lined up for blocks”
"I went to legoland last week and it was packed. People were lined up for blocks" was posted on Twitter by "my puns have a Claus and effect" on November 8, 2018. Legos are…
“I went to McDonald’s and ordered 2 large fries. They gave me around 75 tiny ones instead”
"Large fries" and "small fries" are the same size of french fries -- the "large" order just contains more of them. "mcdonalds employee: please sir, get off the…
“I went to school for magicians, but failed the final exam. They were all trick questions”
A "trick question" shouldn't be confused with a question about tricks, but there are jokes. "Why did the students flunk the final exam at the Magician's School? They were…
“I went to school to become a wit—only got halfway through”
A half-wit is a foolish or imbecilic person. "I went to school to become a wit -- only got halfway through" is a jocular saying that has been cited in print since at least 1999 and is of…
“I went to Starbucks and asked for a medium roast. The barista said I had small ears”
A person who enters a coffee shop and orders a "medium roast" probably doesn't want a light ribbing, but there are many jokes. "Asked for a medium roast at Starbucks and the…
“I went to the Air and Space Museum the other day. There was nothing there!”
What's in an air and space museum? Just air and space? "I want my money back. I went to the air and space museum and there was nothing in it. http://bit.ly/NpDLu7 via @sickipedia"…
“I went to the corner shop—bought four corners” (joke)
"Went to the corner shop -- bought four corners" is on several lists of the funniest jokes of all time. The joke has been credited to British prop comedian Tommy Cooper (1921-1984), but…
“I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the garden”
A mole could be cancer -- or it could just be a garden animal. "I went to the doctor with a suspicious-looking mole. He said they all look that way and I should have left him in the…
“I went to the doctors and asked what was the best exercise to lose weight…”
People often ask about "the best exercise to lose weight." There are at least two ways, and they both involve saying "no" to food. “'The best exercise I know of,'…
“I went to the grocery store. The sign said ‘no food or drink inside.’ So I went home”
Grocery stores often have a sign that says "No food or drink inside." The sign means that customers shouldn't bring food or drink inside the store, but it can be read the wrong way.…
“I went to the store to buy chicken broth, but they said they were out of stock”
"Out of stock" means that a business has no more of an item. It shouldn't be confused with the "stock" that is broth (bouillon), but there are jokes. "I went to buy…
“I went to the store to get 6 cans of Sprite, but ended up picking 7 Up”
Sprite (a lemon and lime-flavored soft drink) is often mistaken for 7 Up, and there's a popular joke. "@davelee Just been done for shoplifting in Tesco. Thought I'd gone to the…
“I went to the worst escape room ever. It’s called IKEA”
The IKEA furniture store can be confusing to many people, who have compared it to leaving an escape room. "Me all the time: this IKEA is the worst escape room ever." was posted on Twitter…
“I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage. A sign read: ‘Bread in captivity’”
"Bred in captivity" is sometimes punned as "bread in captivity." A joke was posted on Twitter by "milk" on August 21, 2011: "I went to the zoo and saw a piece…
“I whispered because I didn’t want Zuckerberg to hear us. She laughed. I laughed. Siri laughed”
A joke about surveillance mentions Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Amazon Alexa and/or Apple's Siri. "My son asked me why I speak so softly in the house. I said I was afraid the NSA was…
“I will be back on my feet just as soon as the coffee reaches life supporting levels”
"I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight variations. "I'll be…
“I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels”
"I will be back on my feet once the coffee reaches life supporting levels" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. There are several slight variations. "I'll be…