“Aspire to inspire before you expire”
"Aspire to inspire before you expire" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, bumper stickers and T-shirts. Tullah Hanley, a former belly dancer who became…
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“Assault is a behavior, not a device”
"Assault is a behavior, not a device" is a pro-gun saying that has been printed on several images. The saying is a comment on the term "assault weapon." "ASSAULT is a…
“Assume you have a can opener” (economics joke about opening a food can)
A popular economics joke has a physicist, a chemist, and an economist all stranded on a desert island. There is one can of food, but nothing to open it with. The physicist presents his proposed…
“Asthma Alley”
"Asthma Alley" was probably coined by Jerome Kretchmer, an environmental protection administrator, in 1970. Parts of the south Bronx, western Queens, and Harlem have all been called an…
“Astronaut 1: I can’t find any milk. Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream”
"In space, no one can hear you scream" is an advertising tagline for the film Alien (1979) that was created by Barbara Gips. A joke was posted on Twitter by Mrs L on October 16, 2011:…
“Astronauts use Linux because you can’t open Windows in space”
"Astronauts use Linux because you can't open Windows in space" is a joke that was posted on Twitter by Carla Notarobot on November 7, 2020, but it went viral when it was posted again…
“Astronomy is way over my head”
The stars are over our heads, but what about the study of astronomy? "RT @monkjail: I was thinking of studying astronomy, but I fear it's all a bit over my head" was posted on…
“At 12:01 am on January 1, for the first time ever, hind sight will actually be 2020”
The year 2020 had some "2020 vision" jokes. This was posted on Facebook by Joe Haenn on December 18, 2020: "At 12:01 am on Jan 1, for the first time ever, Hind Sight will actually be…
“At first, I couldn’t believe that vodka is made from fucking potatoes…”
Many people are surprised that some vodka is made from potatoes. A curse word is often used, causing confusion and humor. "wait wait vodka is made from fucking potatoes? #mindfucked" was…
“At GM, you form a committee on snakes, then hire a consultant…” (Ross Perot)
Texas billionaire H. Ross Perot did not like the practices at General Motors, the company that bought Perot's Electronic Data Systems. GM, Perot said, bogs things down with a committee system.…
“At least mosquitoes find me attractive”
"I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive" is a saying that has been printed on many images. That is, by "find me attractive" it's…
“At least my coffee won’t get cold in hell”
"On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell" and "At least my coffee won't get cold in hell" are jocular coffee sayings that have been printed on many…
“At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song”
"At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song" is a jocular one-line saying about working out. The saying was posted on Twitter by Aaron Fullerton on June…
“At LOTR 150, Professor Gandalf is kind of a jerk. He opened the class with, ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS!’”
Gandalf is a protagonist in J. R. R. Tolkien's novels The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings. Many jokes have Gandalf as a teacher, shouting his famous line. "COLLEGE JOKE | I went to LOTR…
“At my age, ‘getting lucky’ means having coffee without interruption”
"At my age, 'getting lucky' means having coffee without interruption" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "At my age, 'getting lucky'…
“At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas”
"At my age, I don't even buy green bananas" is often credited to Florida Congressman Claude Pepper (1900-1989), but there's no documentary evidence that he said it before 1986.…
“At my house, we pray after we eat”
People often pray before a meal (such as a grace prayer) to give thanks for the food on the table. The comedian Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004) joked: "My wife is the worst cook in the world.…
“At my new job, I have hundreds of people under me. I mow the grass at the cemetery”
A person with many people under him/her usually has a responsible job. "At my new job, I have hundreds of people under me," an old joke goes. "I mow the grass at the cemetery."…
“At my next job, I’m gonna to lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want…”
"At my next job, im gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children" was posted on Twitter by street governor (@brownliquorbaby) on…
“At no point in history have the people forcing others into compliance been the good guys”
"At no point in history have the people forcing others into compliance been the good guys" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying originally meant compliance with…