“Beer doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean—against bars”
“Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, It makes you lean....against bars, tables, chairs, and poles” is an old vaudeville joke, cited in print since at least 1895. The joke is of unknown…
Fuck, I Never Actually Learned Shit (“finals” backronym)
"Fuck, I Never Actually Learned Shit" is a backronym (back-acronym) for the word "finals" that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. There is a…
Come Late And Start Sleeping (“class” backronym)
"Come Late And Start Sleeping" is a backronym (back-acronym) of the word "class" that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. "C.L.A.S.S - Come…
Six Crazy Hours Of Our Lives or Six Crappy Hours Of Our Lives (“school” backronym)
S.C.H.O.O.L = Six Crazy Hours Of Our Lives and S.C.H.O.O.L.E.D = Six Crazy Hours OF Our Lives Each Day and S.C.H.O.O.L - Six.Crap.Hours.Of.Our.Lives and S.C.H.O.O.L = Six Crappy Hours Of Our Lives…
“Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak” (food pun)
"Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak" (a pun on "mistake") is a popular food joke that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. "As far as…
“The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions”
The exercise joke about "jumping to conclusions" has a long history. "Logical exercise for ladies -- jumping to conclusions" has been cited in print since at least 1867.…
“If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales”
"If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales (to me)" is a joke on many websites that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts and posters. "If swimming is so good…
“Why are they called ‘apartments’ when they’re all stuck together?” (joke)
"Why are they called 'apartments' when they're all stuck together?" is a joke that has been cited in print since at least 1986 and that has become popular on the internet.…
“That’s all there is—there isn’t any more!” (Broadway curtain-call speech)
Ethel Barrymore (1879-1959) was part of an acting family and was known as one of Broadway's most famous actresses. The Ethel Barrymore Theatre is located at 243 West 47th Street in Manhattan.…
“Broadway’s a great street when you’re going up. When you’re going down — take Sixth Avenue.”
"Broadway's a great street when you're going up. When you're going down — take Sixth Avenue." This once-famous line refers to fortunes in the Broadway theatres and was…
“Show, don’t tell” (scriptwriting adage)
"Show (them), don't tell (them)" is a popular adage told to writers of all kinds, but especially drama scriptwriters. The audience must learn about a character through action and…
“You never cut funny” (scriptwriting adage)
The movie My Favorite Year (1982) was based on the Sid Caesar variety television show Your Show of Shows (1950-1954) -- a live television comedy legacy in New York City continued with Saturday…
“Eat Right. Exercise. Die Anyway.”
"Eat right, exercise, die anyway" is a popular slogan on many gift items, such as T-shirts and bumper stickers. The last line -- "die anyway" -- is the one constant; no one can…
“I’m not unemployed—I’m a consultant”
"I'm not unemployed -- I'm a consultant" is a popular T-shirt saying. A consultant can be in a self-employed, one-person business. Employment for a consultant can be irregular,…
“Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on”
Madison Avenue adman Jerry Della Femina wrote in his book, From Those Wonderful Folks Who Gave You Pearl Harbor: Front-Line Dispatches From The Advertising War (1970): "There are ugly people…
“Those who go to college and never get out are called professors”
"Those who go to college and never get out are called professors" is a jocular line by the dialect actor George Givot (1903-1984), cited in print since at least April 1936. The saying has…
“The state does nothing, and can give nothing, which it does not take from somebody”
William Graham Sumner (1840-1910), a Yale professor often called the "father of sociology," wrote in 1887: "The state, it can not too often be repeated, has nothing, and can give…
“A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep”
"A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep" is a jocular quotation that has been attributed to the poet W. H. Auden (1907-1973) since at least 1940. The quotation has…
“Firearms…are the American people’s liberty teeth” (George Washington?)
George Washington (1732-1799) is sometimes given credit for a "liberty teeth" quotation supporting the second amendment right to bear arms, but the quotation has been identified as bogus…
“Here’s to a long life and a merry one…” (toast)
A popular anonymous "Irish toast" is: “Here’s to a long life and a merry one.A quick death and an easy one.A pretty girl and an honest one.A cold beer—and another one!” The toast…