“New York’s water is so hard it comes at you with a switchblade”
"New York's water is so hard it comes at you with a switchblade" is a joke that was probably told during New York City's high crime days of the 1970s. Early citations of the…
“Tourists are terrorists with cameras; terrorists are tourists with guns”
Romanian-born American poet and commentator Andrei Codrescu wrote in The Muse Is Always Half-Dressed in New Orleans: And Other Essays (1993): "Tourists are terrorists with cameras, while…
Shitizen (shit + citizen)
"Shitizen" (shit + citizen) is a term for a citizen (a non-elite member of society) who knows shit and/or is treated like shit. "I ain't drunk and I'm a good s-shitizen—…
“The internet is a series of tubes filled with cats”
U. S. Senator Ted Stevens (1923-2010) of Alaska said in 2006 that "the Internet...is a series of tubes." The comment was widely ridiculed in the Internet community. Cat videos are popular…
“Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular science bar joke is: "Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. 'I've…
“Victory is a political fiction”
"Victory is a political fiction" has been included in several quotations collections, always credited to "anonymous." The quotation has been cited in print since at least 2003.…
“Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument”
“You raise your voice when you should enforce your argument" is an admonishment that has been credited to lexicographer Samuel Johnson (1709-1784). Desmond Tutu, a South African social…
“Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible”
"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible" (also "The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible")…
“Change is good, but dollars are better”
"Change is good, but dollars are better" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as T-shirts, hats and mugs. The saying has been cited since at least 1995, when…
“The higher you go, the better the snow” (skiing adage)
"The higher you go, the better the snow" is a skiing adage. The saying was promoted by the Austrian Tourist Office in 1981 as a way to get skiers to Austria's mountains. Other…
“Olive who?/“Olive you!” (knock-knock joke)
It's one of the oldest of knock-knock jokes, popular every Valentine's Day: "Knock-knock!""Who's there?""Olive.""Olive who?""Olive…
“An investment banker has good news and bad news” (joke)
A popular financial joke reveals something about the industry. An investment banker addresses his colleagues and says, "I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that we've…
“If we don’t have it, you don’t need it” (store sign)
"If you need it, we have it" is a business slogan that has been advertised since at least 1907. "If we don't have it, you don't need it" is a business slogan that has…
“A three-legged dog walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." One popular joke is: "A three-legged dog walks into a saloon, looks around, and says,…
“There’s no such thing as a bad audition” (performing arts adage)
"There is no such thing as a bad audition" is an adage popular with actors, musicians and other performing artists. If an audition doesn't go well, it's a learning experience.…
“C, E flat and G walk into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." "C, E flat and G walk into a bar" is the start of a popular music version of the…
“Jews are news”
There are only about 14 million Jews in the world, or about 0.19% of the world's population. However, many news stories (and Internet discussions) involve Jews. "Jews are news" is a…
“Jews is news”
There are only about 14 million Jews in the world, or about 0.19% of the world's population. However, many news stories (and Internet discussions) involve Jews. "Jews is news" is a…
“Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday so close to Monday?”
"Why is Monday so far from Friday, but Friday so close to Monday?" is a jocular question that has been printed on many posters. "Wonders why Monday is soooo far away from Friday, and…
“If you want snow, schedule a downhill race” (skiing adage)
Downhill skiing races are canceled if there are snowy conditions. A modern proverb is that if one wants snow, then one should schedule a downhill race. "If you want it to snow at your area,…