“If you are what you eat, do bodybuilders eat mussels?”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“I don’t care for cheese. I’m a curdmudgeon”
A "curmudgeon" should not be confused with a "curdmudgeon" (curds + curdmudgeon), but there are jokes. "@BeerCurmudgeon cheese-curd-mudgeon" was posted on Twitter by…
“The only good time to say ‘I have diarrhea’ is during a game of Scrabble”
"The only time it's good to yell 'I have diarrhea' is when you're playing Scrabble because it's worth a shitload of points" is a jocular saying that has been…
“A bar goes into a guy…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A different version is: "A bar goes into a guy. It was a gay bar." The joke was…
“Irony is when you write ‘save trees’ on a piece of paper”
Schools and businesses often try to save paper. "SOmeone just asked me to sign a petition to save trees on a piece of paper attached to a clip board made from a tree" was posted on…
“If you are what you eat, do bodybuilders eat mussels?”
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826), in the book Physiologie du Gout (1825), wrote "Tell me what you eat, and I shall tell you what you are," often interpreted as "you are what…
“If lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to get hit?”/“The conductor.”
An orchestra riddle is: Q: If lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to get hit?A: The conductor. The joke has been cited in print since at least 1996. “My uncle was a great…
“Sip sip hooray” (sip + hip hip hooray)
"Sip sip hooray" (sip + hip hip hooray) is a drinking saying that has been printed on many images. "Sip, sip hooray!" has been cited in print since at least 1913. "Sip!…
“I donut know what I’d do without you”
"Donut" doesn't sound like "do not," but there are puns. "I donut know what I'd do without you" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images.…
“Hakuna Mimosa. It means it’s brunchtime”
"Hakuna Mimosa. It means it's brunchtime"is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Hakuna matata" is Swahili for "no worries." The song…
“I make pour decisions”
"I make pour decisions" -- not to be confused with "I make poor decisions" -- is a drinking saying that has been printed on many images. "I make pour decisions.…
“Let’s wander where the WiFi is weak”
"Let's wander where the WiFi is weak" --that is, out of touch from our daily world -- is a saying that has been printed on many images. "'Let's wander where the wifi…
“No champagne, no gain”
"No champagne, no gain" is a drinking variation on "no pain, no gain" that has been printed on many images. "No champagne, no gain" has been cited in print since at…
“Everything happens for a Riesling”
"Everything happens for a Riesling" is a wine saying that has been printed on many images. "Riesling" might sound a bit like "reason." "'Everything happens…
“If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why”
A trumpet is played by blowing it, not sucking it. A joke was posted on Twitter by Eric Martin on June 7, 2011: "If you suck at playing the trumpet, that is probably why." TwitterEric…
“What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?”/“The mean increases.”
A riddle about school bullying was posted on Reddit -- Dad Jokes on September 7, 2018: Q: What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?A: The mean increases. The joke also…
“The punchline comes before the question. What’s the worst part about time traveling jokes?”
Time travel jokes are difficult. "You know the punchline before you're ever told the joke. What's the worst part about time traveling jokes?" was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on…
“When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout”
"When in danger/trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream/yell and shout" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "When in danger, When in doubt, Run in circles,…
“They need to bring back teaching binary in schools. That’s just my 10 cents”
People submitting their thoughts proverbially value them at two cents ("just my two cents"). "Network security professionals should be familiar with binary mathematics, but…
“What club do racist scientists join?”/“The Potassium Potassium Potassium.”
The KKK (Ku Klux Klan) does not stand for the periodic table symbol (K=potassium), but there are jokes. "The KKK is to be better known as the Potassium Potassium Potassium. Science joke"…