“Sex is a misdemeanor. De more I miss, de meaner I get”
"I consider sex a misdemeanor. The more I miss, de meaner I get" (or "Sex is a misdemeanor. De more I miss de meaner I get") is a jocular saying that has been printed on many…
“Where do hippos go to college?”/“To the hippocampus.”
The hippocampus (a major component of the brain of humans and other vertebrates) doesn't contain a hippopotamus, but there are jokes. "And where do hippos go for advanced education? Where…
“If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?”
The Dodge Brothers brand of automobiles began in 1914. Almost immediately, a popular joke was told that it was the only car that didn't need a horn -- because it says "Dodge" on the…
“I recently bought a bread knife. It’s not as good as stainless steel”
A "bread knife" cuts bread; the knife is not made of bread, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on July 19, 2019: "I recently bought a bread knife. It's…
“If a cowboy dies and comes back to life, is it called reintarnation?”
"Reintarnation" is a portmanteau word from "reincarnation" and "tarnation." There are several cowboy jokes that use the term. "When a cowboy dies and is…
“Ants on a log, floating down the river to the waterfall” (bureaucracy)
"Ants on a log, floating down the river (to the waterfall), and each ant thinking he was steering" is an old political saying/metaphor. This was printed in The Daily Gazette (Lawrence,…
“No way, José”
"No way, José" is a rhyming phrase meaning that there is no way, or that something is not happening or is impossible. The origin is unknown, so it's not known if there was…
“Home sweet home office”
"Home sweet home office" is a work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is based on the song "Home Sweet Home" that John Howard Payne (1791-1852) wrote for…
“Sprinkles are for cupcakes, not toilet seats”
"Sprinkles are for cupcakes, not (for) toilet seats" (or "Sprinkles are for cupcakes, not toilets") is a saying that has been printed on many images. The sign instructs people…
“Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune”
"Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is from American entrepreneur, author and…
“Home sweet office”
"Home sweet office" is a work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is based on the song "Home Sweet Home" that John Howard Payne (1791-1852) wrote for the…
“Office sweet office”
"Office sweet office" is a work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is based on the song "Home Sweet Home" that John Howard Payne (1791-1852) wrote for the…
“Sprinkles are for cupcakes, not toilets”
"Sprinkles are for cupcakes, not (for) toilet seats" (or "Sprinkles are for cupcakes, not toilets") is a saying that has been printed on many images. The sign instructs people…
“Cubicle sweet cubicle”
"Cubicle sweet cubicle" is a work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is based on the song "Home Sweet Home" that John Howard Payne (1791-1852) wrote for the…
“What do you call an accordion player with a beeper?”/“An optimist.”
A classic joke about accordion players was printed in Herb Caen's column in the San Francisco (CA) Chronicle, on March 22, 1993: "Comedian Ronnie Schell at the Washbag Thurs. night,…
“If you were anti-pencil, would you be erasist?”
"Erasist" (or "eracist"), meaning someone who erases, sounds like "racist." A joke was told by Arin Hanson of Game Grumps on a YouTube video on March 3, 2014: "If…
“How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 or 2? 1? or 2?”
The traditional lightbulb joke has a popular optometrist version that has been printed on many images. The answer -- 1 or 2? -- is a joke on an optometrist changing lenses and asking this question…
“What do you call an accordion player with a pager?”/“An optimist.”
A classic joke about accordion players was printed in Herb Caen's column in the San Francisco (CA) Chronicle, on March 22, 1993: "Comedian Ronnie Schell at the Washbag Thurs. night,…
“When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day”
"When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day" is a Monday saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain. "When life gives you Monday, dip…
“I’m on cloud wine”
"I'm on cloud wine" is a jocular saying, adding "wine" to the "on cloud nine" expression. "Cloud wine" has been printed on many images. "On Cloud…