“Celery is basically just grass with water retention”
Celery has often been described as a combination of grass and water. "Celery is just crunchy water” is a celery saying. "'See, the thing with celery is...it's grass-flavored,…
“The only Apple product that I can afford to buy is apple juice”
An "Apple product" usually does not refer to the fruit, but there are jokes. "I am going to buy an Apple product this morning.. Guess which? Options: Fruit, Natural juice, or…
“Alexa, check my bank balance and tell me which Apple product can I buy?”/“Apple juice.”
An "Apple product" usually does not refer to the fruit, but there are jokes. "I am going to buy an Apple product this morning.. Guess which? Options: Fruit, Natural juice, or…
“Siri, check my bank account and tell me which Apple product I can buy.”/“Apple juice.”
An "Apple product" usually does not refer to the fruit, but there are jokes. "I am going to buy an Apple product this morning.. Guess which? Options: Fruit, Natural juice, or…
“If you’re ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!” (face mask requirement)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in face mask requirements. "If you're ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!" (or "If you're ugly, but have pretty eyes,…
“If you’re ugly but have pretty eyes, this is your time to shine!” (face mask requirement)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in face mask requirements. "If you're ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!" (or "If you're ugly, but have pretty eyes,…
“What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?”/“The poolice.”
"Poolice" (poll + police) is a portmanteau word that has been infrequently used. "Poolice search doctor’s office for records. Poolice, are those swimming pool cops?" was…
“If you’re ugly but have pretty eyes, this is your chance!” (face mask requirement)
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in face mask requirements. "If you're ugly with pretty eyes, this is your moment!" (or "If you're ugly, but have pretty eyes,…
“It’s my God-given right to be an atheist”
Do atheists have God-given rights? "Yes, you have a God-given right to be an atheist in America" was printed in the Twin Falls (ID) Times-News on July 7, 1963. "It's my…
“Celery is just crunchy grass-flavored water”
Celery has often been described as a combination of grass and water. "Celery is just crunchy water” is a celery saying. "'See, the thing with celery is...it's grass-flavored,…
“If anyone ever tries to sell you a transparent car wheel, steer clear”
"Steer clear" is an expression that usually does not involve the literal steering of an automobile, but there are jokes. "My friend said he was thinking of buying a car with a…
“What do you call a judge with no thumbs?”/“Justice Fingers.”
"Justice" can sound like "just his." A riddle was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on April 30, 1996: Q: What do you call a judge with no fingers?A: Justice Thumbs. A similar…
“Hey girl, are you a piñata? Because I’d hit that” (pickup line)
"Hey girl... Are you a piñata? Because I'd hit that" is a jocular pickup line that was posted on Twitter by country billy on May 5, 2011. "Damn girl, are you a piñata? ... Cuz…
“What do you call a judge with no fingers?”/“Justice Thumbs.”
"Justice" can sound like "just his." A riddle was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on April 30, 1996: Q: What do you call a judge with no fingers?A: Justice Thumbs. A similar…
“Put a potato in your swim trunks to attract more women” (joke)
A joke has it that a luckless young man asks a lifeguard for some help with women. The lifeguard suggests that he put a potato in his swim trunks. However, the young man returns later and tells the…
“The roadside farm sign said: ‘DUCK, EGGS’” (joke)
A "duck, eggs" joke was posted on Twitter by Fred Delicious on November 2, 2016: [sees a sign outside a farm that says "duck, eggs"]"huh. Why'd they put a comma after…
“The Lego store has finally reopened. People are lined up for blocks”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic closed many stores. Lego stores were among the stores that were closed, and a joke went viral at the end of May 2020. "The Lego Store Has Reopened... People…
“Fortune tellers are either depressed or hysterically manic. Why can’t I find a happy medium?
"A happy medium" is a saying that doesn't mean a fortune teller, but there are jokes. "All fortune tellers seem to be either depressed or hysterically manic. Why can't I…
“What do you call 12 enchiladas?”/“A footilada.”
There is no "inch" in "enchilada," but there are jokes. "Gringo conversions: 12 enchiladas = 1 footilada" was posted on Twitter by missingblakes on August 8, 2010.…
“I wanted to try water skiing but I couldn’t find a sloping lake”
Water skiing doesn't require a slope (like a ski slope), but there are jokes. "Joe Kowalski hasn't used his new water-skis yet; he can't find a sloping lake: was printed in The…