“I sleep in a castle once every two weeks. It’s my fort night”
A fortnight joke was posted on X/Twitter by FizzySnood on August 23, 2015: " I sleep in a castle once every two weeks. It's my fort night." Wikipedia: Fortnight A fortnight is a unit…
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“The standard American diet gives you standard American diseases which puts you on standard American drugs”
"The standard American diet gives you standard American diseases which puts you on standard American drugs" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying (shown on an…
“Convenient napkin dispenser lets you grab either a handful of 50 napkins or tear a small corner off 1 napkin”
"Convenient napkin dispenser lets you grab either a handful of 50 napkins or tear a small corner off 1 napkin" is a saying that was printed in The Babylon Bee on June 28, 2022. The napkin…
“Male birth control is free and it’s called holding a fish in your profile photo”
"Male birth control is free and it's called holding a fish in your profile photo" is a joke that has been printed on many images. Women, according to this saying, and not interested…
“My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it’s there to stab potential taco thieves”
"My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it’s there to stab (potential) taco thieves" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Tacos are usually eaten with…
“My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only assume it’s there to protect myself against anyone who tries to steal my tacos”
"My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it’s there to stab (potential) taco thieves" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Tacos are usually eaten with…
“Idk why they call it social media, all I do is crack jokes and ignore people”
"Idk why they call it social media, all I do is crack jokes and ignore people" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "Idk why they call it social media, all I do is…
“Inner peace starts with great whiskey”
"Inner peace starts with great whiskey" is a whiskey saying that has been printed on many images. "Inner peace starts with great whiskey!" was posted on X/Twitter by Danielle…
“Inner peace starts with good wine”
"Inner peace starts with a good glass of wine" is a wine saying that has been printed on several images. "Inner peace starts with good wine" was posted on X/Twitter by Simply…
“Inner peace starts with great whisky”
"Inner peace starts with great whiskey" is a whiskey saying that has been printed on many images. "Inner peace starts with great whiskey!" was posted on X/Twitter by Danielle…
“All of those anti-gun people are celebrating a day won by armed citizens”
"All of those anti-gun people are celebrating a day won by armed citizens" (or "All these anti-gun people are celebrating a day won by armed citizens") is a Fourth of July…
“All these anti-gun people are celebrating a day won by armed citizens”
"All of those anti-gun people are celebrating a day won by armed citizens" (or "All these anti-gun people are celebrating a day won by armed citizens") is a Fourth of July…
“I hate when Walmart doesn’t have what I need & I have to go home, change out of my pajamas & take a shower so I can go to Target”
"I hate when Walmart doesn't have what I need & I have to go home, change out of my pajamas & take a shower so I can go to Target" is a jocular saying that has been printed…
“Hate when Walmart doesn’t have what I need & I have to go home, change out of my pajamas & brush my hair so I can go to Target”
"I hate when Walmart doesn't have what I need & I have to go home, change out of my pajamas & take a shower so I can go to Target" is a jocular saying that has been printed…
“Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital”
"Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There have been variations for other…
“Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital”
"Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital" is a saying that has been printed on many images. There have been variations for other…
“My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th”
Some people light fireworks both before and after July 4th (Independence Day). "My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th" was posted on X/Twitter by Simon…
“The local vampire social club is constantly getting bigger. They’re always looking for new blood”
"vampires have the most active club. They're always looking for new blood" is a vampire joke that was posted on X/Twitter by peterkidder on December 4, 2013. "I'm thinking…
“I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, random shenanigans, and solid love of coffee”
"I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, random shenanigans, and solid love of coffee" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "I like…
“Before drinking eat liver, so that the alcohol doesn’t know which liver to attack”
Alcohol attacks the liver, but which one? "Before drinking alcohol, eat goat liver. That way, when you drink, the alcohol doesn't know which liver to attack. Yours or the goats" was…