“A committee is a group of the unwilling, chosen from the unfit, to do the unnecessary”

“Would you buy a used car from this man?”

“Notice: No service will be provided at this bar to anyone on a horse” (bar sign)

“Liquor in front, poker in rear” (bar sign)

“People who love to eat are always the best people” (Julia Child)

“Don’t do anything yourself that someone else can do for you”

“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things”

“Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency for me”

“The first myth of management is that it exists”

Ameritopia (America + utopia)

“A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow”

“I’m not drinking anymore (but I’m not drinking any less, either)”

“Quigley’s Law: Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will attempt to use it”

Mainly Socialist Media (Main Stream Media or MSM nickname)

Absolutely Pathetic (Associated Press or AP nickname)

“When I die, bury me in Chicago because I want to remain politically active”

“Texas will again lift up its head, and stand among the nations” (Sam Houston)

Croak and Choke (insurance)

“White on right” or “White to the right” (chess axiom)

“Just because you pour syrup on something doesn’t make it pancakes”

Texas Burger (with pastrami)

Republicreep (Republican + creep)

Hockey on Horseback (polo nickname)

Sport of Kings (polo nickname)

“Bump, set, spike” (volleyball axiom)

Volleyball (Volley Ball)

Taxmageddon (tax + Armageddon)

“Sex sells” (advertising adage)

Jersey Lightning

Farm Fresh

Mouthfeel

“To die for” (an excellent food dish)

Jersey Lightning (cocktail; punch)

“I’m a light eater; when it gets light, I start eating”

“A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch”

“I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is fourteen days”

Savile Row (bespoke tailoring in NoHo/Nolita/West Village)

“The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes”

“There is no such thing as a good tax”

Spokes-idiot (spokesman/spokesperson + idiot)

“You can train hard or you can train long, but you can’t do both”

“Doing God’s work” (investment banking joke)

“We don’t swim in your toilet, so don’t pee in our pool” (swimming pool adage)

“Wait an hour after eating before going swimming”

“Firings will continue until morale improves” (personnel policy joke)

“Great abs are made in the kitchen, not in the gym”

“Get me a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy” (joke)

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity”

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad”

Banktatorship (bank + dictatorship)

Highly Trained Broadcast Specialist (radio talk show host)

Enslavement Day (Tax Day nickname)

“Creativity is the residue of time wasted” (Einstein?)

“Luck is the residue of design” (Dodgers executive Branch Rickey)

TOTUS (Teleprompter Of The United States)

“No one can whistle a symphony; it takes a whole orchestra to play it” (teamwork aphorism)

“There’s no ‘I’ in ‘team,’ but there is a ‘me’”

Go Spend it All (General Services Administration or GSA nickname)

“If a bug won’t bite it, why should you? Go Organic”

“Don’t panic, it’s organic”

“Teamwork makes the dream work” (teamwork adage)

“Love bakes good cakes and brews good stews”

“The dinner bell is always in tune”

“Old bowlers never die — they just end up in the gutter”

“The road to success is always under construction” (business adage)

“Men: No Shirt, No Service—Women: No Shirt, No Charge” (restaurant sign)

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” (joke)

“I only have a kitchen because it came with the house”

Texas Earthworm (a rattlesnake)

“Taste makes waist”

Godfellas (God’s work + Goodfellas); Goldfellas (Goldman Sachs + Goodfellas)

“I’m not overweight—I’m undertall”

“I’m not fat—just short for my weight”

“Call me butter because I’m on a roll”

Axe (bad financial asset)

“If a train station is where a train stops, then what’s a workstation?” (joke)

Media Mutters (Media Matters nickname)

Moron.org or MorOn.org (MoveOn.org nickname)

“I can please only one person per day; today is not your day; tomorrow’s not looking good either”

“It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice”

“If winning isn’t important, why keep score?”

“Bacon is meat candy”

VIP (Very Important Person)

Veep (vice president or VP)

Hide-and-Speak (electronic constituent communications)

“The last official act of any government is to loot the treasury” (Washington?)

“What do you get when you play a country song backwards?”

“Q: How do journalists count? A: One, two, trend.” (joke)

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger; comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die”

“Old bankers never die—they just lose interest”

Hispandering (Hispanic + pandering)