“The closer you get, the slower I drive” (bumper sticker)

“The closer you get, the slower I drive”  is a jocular bumper sticker saying that has been printed on many images. The bumper sticker has been cited in print since at least 2005.
     
   
Google Groups: aus.family 
very scary
eggs
Jul 18, 2005, 2:50:53 AM
Best bumper sticker I ever saw read “The closer you get, the slower Idrive”.
 
Newspapers.com
6 February 2008, The Palm Beach Post (West Palm Beach, FL), “Honk if you enjoy bumper sticker wisdom” by Mike Tighe, Neighborhood Post sec., pg. 3, col. 2:
“The closer you get, the slower I drive.”
     
X/Twitter
Ray Sola
@RaySola
@arinlikeyeah when someone drives too close to you, you slow down. Bumper sticker I’ve seen: “The closer you get, the slower I drive.”
11:04 PM · Apr 10, 2009
 
X/Twitter
Jay Miller
@pastorjaymiller
Just saw a truck with the saying “the closer you get, the slower I drive”. Do you do that? Why do we do that?
12:36 PM · Jul 23, 2009
   
X/Twitter
Kyle Walling
@kylewalling
Just saw a chick in fastlane w/huge sign “the closer you get, the slower I drive”
12:38 PM · Sep 7, 2009
     
X/Twitter
Dave White
@Dave_White
Bumper sticker I just saw: “The closer you get, the slower I drive. Back off!” The irony?  It was on a Prius.
12:25 PM · Mar 10, 2010
 
Google Books
A Prescription for Retail Pharmacy:
A Guide to Retail Pharmacy for Patients, Doctors, Nurses, Pharmacists and Pharmacy Technicians
By Jean-Marc Bovee Pharm.D.
Bloomington, IN: iUnverse, Inc.
2011
Pg. 69:
Ever see that bumper sticker, “The closer you get, the slower I drive?”
     
Reddit—Funny
Posted by u/auxdear February 2, 2022
The Closer You Get The Slower I Drive
i.imgur.com/LtKpx2…
(The saying is shown on a bumper sticker.—ed.)
 
iFunny
Kushpotato420
21 dec 2023
THE CLOSER YOU GET THE SLOWER I DRIVE I
 
X/Twitter
🇯🇲Sir SoHoes✡️Jtrip🔱
@sirsohos
“The closer you get, the slower I drive” yeah, we ALLLLLLLLLL can tell… fucken clown 🤡
(An old, broken car is shown with the saying on a license plate rim.—ed.)
12:54 PM · Dec 24, 2023