Month 04—April

The following words or phrases are about April:
 
APRIL
“April is the kindest month. April gets you out of your head and out working in the garden”
“April showers bring May mud”
“April showers bring May mud puddles”
“April showers bring mud”
“April showers bring mud puddles”
“‘Climate change’ happens 4 times each year. My favorite is the ‘global warming’ in late April”
“Don’t believe what you see in April or September” (baseball adage)
“Hello, April. Please, be a month of rebirth, regrowth and renewal”
“I couldn’t find the mayonnaise until I looked between the Aprilonnaise and Juneonnaise”
“I’m ready to stop complaining about winter and start complaining about summer”
“It’s almost time to put away my black winter clothes and bring out my black spring clothes”
“I’ve been waiting all winter to complain about the summer heat”
“I’ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat”
“If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?”
“Me: Will it be hot, cold, sunny or rainy today? Spring: Yes”
“Me: Will it be warm, cold, rainy, snowy or windy today? Spring: Yes”
“Mother Nature apologizes for the late arrival of Spring…”
“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn”
“Spring cleaning is my favorite way to find out I’m a hoarder”
“Spring cleaning is usually the time of year when I’m reminded that I’m a hoarder”
“Spring is a lovely reminder of how beautiful change can truly be”
“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush”
“The spring blossoms get you out of your head and out working in the garden”
“The trouble with the last snowfall of the season is that you can’t be sure”
“There is a saying about April: It is a wonderful month filled with love, happiness & various fools”
“Welcome April! Wishing you a wonderful month filled with love & happiness”
“Welcome to spring, where no matter what jacket you pick, you’re wrong”
“What was invented before mayonnaise?”/“Aprilonnaise.”
“Wins in April are just as important as wins in September” (baseball adage)
“You don’t build a church for Easter Sunday”
Spring Black Friday
 
APRIL 1 (April Fools’ Day)
“April 1st: the only day people critically evaluate things on the internet before believing them”
“April Fool’s Day is the one day of the year when people critically evaluate news articles”
“April Fools’ Day. Believe nothing and trust nobody. Just like any other day”
“Doing your taxes on April Fools’ Day seems like a perfectly legitimate way to defraud the government”
“I’m combining Easter and April Fools’. I’m sending the kids to look for eggs I haven’t hidden”
“I’ve always wondered why there is a day dedicated to fools. I see fools every day and frankly, I’m sick of it”
“Remember, Mother’s Day is for moms, not men in dresses—Your day is April 1st”
“Today is April Fools’ Day. Believe nothing and trust no one. Just like any other day” (April 1)
“Why are people so tired on April 1st?”/“Because they just finished a 31-day March.”
April 1st & the Bronx Zoo (Telephone Hoax)
 
APRIL 2
“April Fools’ Day is over. Everything on the internet is true again!”
“Now that April Fool’s day is over, everything on the internet is true again” (April 2)
   
APRIL 6
New Beer’s Eve
 
APRIL 8 (National Zoo Lovers’ Day)
“I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children’s zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.”
“I went to a zoo and it had only one animal—a dog. It was a Shih Tzu”
April 1st & the Bronx Zoo (Telephone Hoax)
Glass Zoo (United Nations Building)
Iggy (iguana sculpture at the Fort Worth Zoo)
Morning Zoo (Z-100, radio station WHTZ)
New York’s Biggest Little Zoo (Staten Island Zoo)
 
APRIL 13 (National Scrabble Day)
“A man spilled his Scrabble set on the road. I asked, ‘What’s the word on the street?‘“
“I accidently swallowed some scrabble pieces” (joke)
 
APRIL (Easter Sunday)
“An honest politician, a generous lawyer, and the Easter bunny…” (joke)
“Another egg-scuse for chocolate”
“Bunnies are cuddly, the large and the small. I like chocolate ones the best of them all”
“Bunny kisses and Easter wishes”
“Celebrate Holy Week by flogging a banker. It’s what Jesus would have done”
“Celebrate Holy Week. Flog a banker”
“Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used PrayPal”
“Easter egg hunts are proof that kids can find things when they really want to”
“Easter egg hunts are proof that your children can find things when they really want to”
“Easter Egg Hunts: proof your child can find things when they really want to”
“Easter egg hunts prove that your child can find things when they want to”
“Easter is the only time when it’s perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket”
“Easter tweets should be called ‘peeps’”
“Follow the bunny. He has the chocolate”
“Golf is just the adult version of an Easter egg hunt”
“Golf: The adult version of an Easter egg hunt”
“Happy Easter, happy spring, happy happy everything”
“Have to love Easter, baby” (pun on “Hasta la vista, baby”)
“How can you find the Easter bunny?”/“Eggs (x) marks the spot.”
“How did the eggs leave the highway?”/“They went through the ‘eggs-it’.”
“How do bunnies stay healthy?”/“Eggercise.”
“How do bunnies stay in shape?”/“Hareobics.”
“How do you know that carrots are good for your eyes?”/“Have you ever seen rabbits wearing glasses?”
“How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew?”/“When it has hares in it.”
“How do you make a rabbit stew?”/“Make it wait for three hours.”
“How do you make Easter easier?”/“Replace the t with an i.”
“How does Easter end?”/“With the letter R.”
“How to eat Peeps: Throw them in the trash”
“I go to the gym religiously. About twice a year around the holidays”
“I wanted to buy a half a rabbit, but the butcher didn’t want to split hares”
“I’m combining Easter and April Fools’. I’m sending the kids to look for eggs I haven’t hidden”
“I’m giving up drinking for Lent and giving up Lent for St. Patrick’s Day”
“I’ve got the same Easter plans as Jesus. Disappear on Friday, show up on Monday”
“If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them. It’s not chocolate”
“My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper”
“Peeps are the candy corn of Easter”
“Spring has sprung, the grass has riz, I wish I were in the chocolate biz! Happy Easter!”
“The best way to eat Peeps is to throw them in the trash”
“To stay healthy this spring I’m only going to eat the white part of the Cadbury’s Creme Eggs”
“What Chinese food is always eaten on Easter?”/“An egg roll.”
“What day does an Easter egg hate the most?”/“Fry-days.”
“What did one depressed rabbit say to the other?”/“Do you even carrot all?”
“What did the bunny say when he had only thistles to eat?”/“Thistle have to do!”
“What did the rabbit say to the carrot?”/“It’s been nice gnawing you.”
“What do you call a mischievous egg?”/“A practical yolker.”
“What do you call rabbits that marched in a long sweltering Easter parade?”/“Hot, cross bunnies.”
“What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?”/“Hot, cross bunnies.”
“What does the Easter bunny order at a Chinese restaurant?”/“Hop suey.”
“What happened to the Easter bunny when he misbehaved at school?”/“He was eggspelled.”
“What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit banknote?” (riddle)
“What is the Easter bunny’s favorite sport?”/“Basket-ball.”
“What is the Easter bunny’s favorite state capital?”/“Albunny, New York.”
“What kind of beans don’t grow in a garden?”/“Jelly beans.”
“What kind of bunny can’t hop?”/“A chocolate one.”
“What sport are eggs good at?”/“Running.”
“When I say I go to the gym religiously, I mean every Christmas and Easter”
“When Jesus is born, I get presents. When Jesus dies, I get chocolate”
“Where did the Easter bunny go to college?”/ “Johns Hopkins.”
“Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?”/“In a pellet court.”
“Where does Christmas come before Easter?”/“In the dictionary.”
“Where does Easter come before Valentine’s Day?”/“In the dictionary.”
“Where does the Easter bunny eat breakfast?”/“At IHOP.”
“Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs?”/“From eggplants.”
“Where does the Easter bunny go when he needs a new tail?”/“To a re-tail store.”
“Why did Jesus cross the road?”/“Because he was nailed to the chicken.”
“Why did the baby chick cross the road?”/“To meet up with her Peeps.”
“Why did the bunny go to the dance?”/“To do the bunny hop!”
“Why did the Easter Bunny go to the doctor?”/“It was time for his annual eggzam.”
“Why did the Easter egg hide?”/“He was a little chicken.”
“Why did the rabbit cross the road?”/“Because the chicken had his Easter eggs!”
“Why didn’t the Easter egg cross the road?”/“Because he wasn’t a chicken yet!”
“Why do we color Easter eggs?”/“Because Jesus dyed for your sins.”
“Why do we paint Easter eggs?”/“Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them.”
“Why does the Easter bunny drink beer?”/“To get his hops.”
“Why is a bunny the luckiest animal in the world?”/“Because it has four rabbits’ feet.”
“Why is Easter like whipped cream and a cherry?”/“Because it’s always on a sundae.”
“Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?”/“It might crack up.”
“Why was the little girl sad after the race?”/“Because an egg beater.”
“You don’t build a church for Easter Sunday”
Chocolate Easter Bunny (Chocolate Easter Rabbit)
Easter Eggstravaganza
Eggcellent (egg + excellent)
Qeaster or QEaster (quarantine + Easter)
QuaranEaster (quarantine + Easter)
QuarantEaster (quarantine + Easter)
Quareaster (quarantine + Easter)
Queaster (quarantine + Easter)
Spring Egg; Spring Egg Hunt/Roll (Easter Egg; Easter Egg Hunt/Roll)
Spring Sphere (Easter egg)
 
APRIL 15 (Income Tax Day)
“A fool and his money are soon audited”
“An income tax form is like a laundry list—either way you lose your shirt”
“Anything is deductible until you’re audited”
“Can I claim the government as a dependent on my taxes?”
“Count that day won when, turning on its axis, this earth imposes no additional taxes”
“Cursing: There is only one bad word, taxes. Any other word that is good enough for sailors…”
“Cursing: There’s only one bad word: taxes. If any other word is good enough for sailors…”
“Dear cancel culture, Aim higher, go for the IRS”
“Dear cancel culture, Dream bigger, aim higher. ATF, IRS, Federal Reserve”
“Dear IRS tax refund, What’s the address? I’ll come get it myself”
“Doing your taxes on April Fool’s Day seems like a perfectly legitimate way to defraud the government”
“Even when you make out a tax return on the level you don’t know if you are a crook or a martyr”
“Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form”
“Hating the IRS today is a great respite from hating my job”
“I feel like the IRS be like ‘HEHE GIRL MATH’ when takin all our money”
“I hate words that are the same, but are pronounced differently like read and read, live and live, taxation and theft”
“I know they didn’t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax return”
“I tried paying taxes with a smile, but the IRS wanted cash”
“I turn coffee into tax returns”
“I wish complaining about taxes was tax-deductible”
“I’m glad I learned about parallelograms in high school instead of how to do my taxes”
“If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad…”
“If you want higher taxes, you ain’t Robin Hood. You’re the Sheriff”
“If you want higher taxes, you’re not Robin Hood. You’re Prince John”
”In honor of tax season, for an extra $50, the hookers in Times Square will handle your extension”
“Income tax is the fine you pay for thriving so fast”
“Income tax: the fine you pay for not being quite the person your ancestor was”
“Income Tax: The fine you pay for the crime of being productive and useful”
“Income Tax: The fine you pay for thriving too fast”
“Income taxes are the fine one pays for the crime of being useful and productive”
“IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got”
“Just a reminder that you still have plenty of time to do your taxes at the last minute”
“Make Tax Day the day before Election Day”
“Mommy and daddy’s little tax deduction” (a young child)
“Move Tax Day to the day before Election Day”
“Paying taxes to a corrupt government is not patriotic. It is slavery”
“Paying taxes to a corrupt government isn’t patriotism. It’s slavery”
“People are getting smarter nowadays, letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide”
“People cheating on their taxes disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in”
“Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July; Democrats believe every day is April 15th”
“SCAM ALERT: There’s an organization going around called ‘IRS’ claiming you owe them money”
“Short form, the government gets your money; long form, the CPA gets it”
“Stop calling it a refund. You overpaid all year. You got your change back”
“Tax Day should be the day before Election Day”
“Taxes are essentially just a yearly subscription to the country you live in”
“Taxes are essentially just an annual subscription to the country you live in”
“Taxes are the fines one pays for the crime of being useful and productive”
“Taxes are the price we pay to avoid ass-rape in prison”
“Taxes are the price we pay to avoid going to jail”
“Taxes are the price we pay to avoid prison”
“Taxes are the price you pay to avoid being kidnapped by the government”
“Taxes are the price you pay to avoid being murdered for not paying taxes”
“Taxes are the price you pay to avoid going to prison”
“Taxes grow without rain”
“Taxpayer: A person who resents that death and taxes don’t come in that order”
“Teach your children about taxes—eat 30% of their ice cream”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them”
“The guy who said that the truth never hurts never had to fill out a form 1040”
“The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government”
“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has”
“The Income Tax: The fine you pay for the crime of being useful and productive”
“The reward for saving your money is being able to pay your taxes without borrowing”
“The tax code is longer than the Bible, but without the good news”
“There is only one bad word: taxes”
“There once was a dog named Tax. I opened the door and income Tax”
“They say politics makes strange bedfellows, but it’s the taxpayer who has the nightmare”
“TurboTax is the worst computer game ever”
“TurboTax is the worst video game ever”
“When I get my tax money, I’m cooking my ramen noodles in Fiji water”
“When I get my taxes, I’m boiling my ramen noodles in Fiji water”
“When you put ‘THE’ and ‘IRS’ together, it spells ‘’THEIRS‘“
“Where do homeless accountants live?”/“In a tax shelter.”
“You cannot claim alcohol as a dependent on your taxes”
“You don’t pay taxes. They take taxes”
“You know it’s tax season when you see a dancing Statue of Liberty on the street corner”
“You must pay taxes. But there’s no law that says you gotta leave a tip”
Enslavement Day (Tax Day nickname)
Forosophobia (fear of taxes and the IRS)
Immoral Robbery Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Income Reduction Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Infernal Revenue Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Internal Rectal Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Internal Revenge Service (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
Internal Rotten Scoundrels (Internal Revenue Service or IRS nickname)
IRSS (IRS + SS)
 
APRIL 18 (National Columnists’ Day)
“Gossip columnist—One who writes other’s wrongs”
Columny (calumny from a columnist)
Colyumist (Columnist)
 
APRIL 19 (National Garlic Day)
“A nickel gets you on the subway, but garlic gets you a seat”
“Fight mouthwash. Eat garlic”
“FriEND BestfriEND BoyfriEND GirlfriEND Garlic bread. Only garlic bread has no END”
“My best mate ran off with the garlic bread and coleslaw. I wish he would stop taking sides”
“There is no such thing as a little garlic”
Bronx Vanilla (garlic)
Garlic Knots (Pizza Knots)
RPG Sandwich (roast pork on garlic bread)
     
APRIL 20 (420 or Weed Day)
“4:20 could also be called high noon”
“4/20: National Pot Smokers Day 4/21: National Surprise Drug Test Day”
“Awe shit man. I thought ASAP meant As Stoned As Possible”
“I can’t stand bodybuilders who smoke weed. They always act so high and mighty”
“I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions”
“This year, 4/20 falls on taco Tuesday. This is it people. This is what we’ve been training for”
“What is the difference between noon and high noon?”/“One is at 4:20.”
“What is the difference between noon and high noon?”/“Weed.”
As Stoned As Possible (ASAP)
     
APRIL 21 (National Surprise Drug Test Day)
“4/20: National Pot Smokers Day 4/21: National Surprise Drug Test Day”
   
APRIL 22 (National Unemployment Day)
“4/20: National Pot Smokers Day 4/21: National Surprise Drug Test Day”
   
APRIL 22 (Earth Day)
“Earth Day implies the existence of Earst, Earnd and Earrd Days as well”
“Earth Day implies the existence of Mercury Day and Venus Day and Mars Day and…”
“Earth Day implies the existence of Moon Day”
“Earth Day implies the existence of Moon Night”
“Earth Day implies the existence of Noseth Day and Throatth Day”
“Earth Day implies the existence of Space Week”
“Earth Day implies the existence of Water Day. Fire Day and Air Day”
“Earth Day implies the existence of Wind Day and Fire Day”
 
APRIL 22 (National Jelly Bean Day)
“What kind of beans don’t grow in a garden?”/“Jelly beans.”
“You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by the way he eats jelly beans”
“You know what I mean, jelly bean?” (YKWIMJB)
Jelly Bean
 
APRIL 26 (National Pretzel Day)
“I can’t believe pretzels are knot bread”
“Live every day like it’s Pretzel Day”
“These pretzels are making me thirsty”
“What’s a pretzel’s favorite dance?”/“The Twist.”
Baldie or Baldy (pretzel without salt)
Pretzel (Soft Pretzel)
Pretzel Burger
Pretzel Rod
 
APRIL (last Wednesday) (Administrative Professionals’ Day or Admin Day or Secretaries’ Day)
“Do leprechauns make good secretaries?”/“Sure, they’re great at shorthand!”
Girl Friday (Gal Friday)
Sexretary (sex + secretary)
Suckretary (suck + secretary)
 
APRIL 29 (National Shrimp Scampi Day)
Shrimp Scampi
 
APRIL 30 (National Raisin Day)
“Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine”
“I saw a family of raisins in the bank today.  They were opening a currant account!”
“Raisins are just elderly grapes”