Month 02—February
The following words or phrases are about February:
FEBRUARY
“I’m sorry for the things I said when it was winter”
“It’s officially ‘once I get home I ain’t coming back out’ season”
“It’s officially ‘once I’m home I’m not coming back out’ season”
“It’s officially ‘once I’m home I’m not going out again’ season”
“What is a barista’s favorite month?”/“Febrewary.”
“What is the best month to drink beer?”/“Fe-brew-ary.”
“What’s the best month to make coffee?”/“Fe-brew-ary.”
Febrewary (February + brew)
FEBRUARY 2 (Groundhog Day)
“Oh you don’t have a valentine on valentine’s day? Some people don’t even have a groundhog on groundhogs day”
“We accept weather predictions from a rodent, but deny climate change evidence by scientists”
“What do you call a pig with no legs?”/“A groundhog.”
“You don’t have a valentine for Valentine’s Day? I don’t have a groundhog for Groundhog Day”
#NotMyGroundhog
Staten Island Chuck (groundhog weather prognosticator)
FEBRUARY 5 (World Nutella Day)
“Never put Nutella on salmon or you’ll get Salmonella”
“You can’t make everybody happy. You’re not a Nutella jar”
FEBRUARY 14 (Valentine’s Day)
“A heart shaped pizza is less pizza! Stay woke”
“A man promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine’s Day. So he took her to a baseball park”
“Annual reminder that heart shaped pizza is less pizza for the same amount of money”
“Couples have Valentine’s Day. Singles have Palm Sunday”
“Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play”
“Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?”/“No, they had an apple.”
“‘Did u eat?’ has to be one of the most romantic questions ever”
“‘Did you eat?’ has to be one of the most romantic questions ever”
“Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”/“Yes. February 14th.”
“Do you know what’s on the menu? Me-n-u”
“Forget love—I’d rather fall in chocolate”
“How do you get a farm girl to like you?”/“A tractor.”
“Hubby and I exchanged Valentine’s Day cards at the store. Then we put them back on the rack”
“I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons. You make me sick!”
“I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day”
“I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single”
“I love you like the last slice of pizza”
“I’ve just booked a table for Valentine’s Day. I hope she likes pool”
“If couples celebrate Valentine’s Day, what do single men celebrate?”/“Palm Sunday.”
“If it’s not Valentine’s Day and you see a man in a flower shop, ask ‘What did you do?‘“
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”
“If Valentine’s Day is a day for lovers, what day is special for singles?”/“Palm Sunday.”
“If you don’t have a valentine on Valentine’s Day, don’t be sad”
“If you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, remember nobody loves you on any other day”
“Just booked a table for Valentine’s Day. I hope she likes snooker”
“Lettuce hearts are great for Valentine’s Day because they’re so romainetic”
“Math tells us three of the saddest love stories…”
“My wife asked me, ‘Did you eat my chocolate in the cupboard?‘“ (joke)
“My wife just called me, ‘Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers‘“ (joke)
“No woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentine’s Day…”
“Nothing says love like something you made”
“Oh you don’t have a valentine on valentine’s day? Some people don’t even have a groundhog on groundhogs day”
“Olive who?”/“Olive you!” (knock-knock joke)
“Roses are red. Chocolates are brown. I expect nothing, and I’m still let down”
“Roses are red. Chocolates are brown. I expected nothing, but you still let me down”
“Roses are red. Chocolates are brown. You’re getting neither, so calm the fuck down”
“Roses are red. Chocolates are brown. You’re not getting either, so calm the fuck down”
“Roses are red. Violets are blue. Vodka costs less than dinner for two”
“So I’ve decided that my wifi will be my valentine. I don’t know, we just have this connection”
“St. Patrick’s Day is like Valentine’s Day for people who love beer”
“St. Patrick’s Day is like Valentine’s Day for people who love beer and bad decisions”
“St. Patrick’s Day is like Valentine’s Day for people who love fun”
“St. Patrick’s Day is like Valentine’s Day for people who love Jameson and bad decisions”
“St. Patrick’s Day is like Valentine’s Day for people who love whiskey and bad decisions”
“Sugar is sweet and so are you” (“Roses are red…”)
“Surprise your girlfriend this Valentine’s Day. Introduce her to your wife!”
“Tell someone you love them today. Tomorrow is not promised”
“The most romantic thing you can ever do for me is buy me food”
“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”
“This Valentine’s Day, I will almost certainly be inundated. Sorry. In, undated”
“Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married” (joke)
“Valentine’s Day is great, but the real holiday is February 15th, when all the candy goes on sale”
“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is”
“Valentine’s Day plan: Breakfast in bed; Watch movie; Dinner for two; Regret eating two dinners”
“Weddings are basically funerals with cake”
“What did one oar say to the other?”/“Are you up for a little row-mance?”
“What did one pickle say to the other on Valentine’s Day?”/“You mean a great dill to me.”
“What did the chocolate sauce say to the ice cream?”/“I’m sweet on you!”
“What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day?”/“Hogs and kisses.”
“What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine’s Day?”/“‘You’re my butter half.‘“
“What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?”/“Cauliflowers.”
“What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? February 14th”
“What’s the difference between you and a calendar?”/“A calendar has a date on Valentine’s Day.”
“Where does Easter come before Valentine’s Day?”/“In the dictionary.”
“Why are artichokes so beloved?”/“They’re known for their hearts.”
“Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?”/“Because he wanted sweet dreams.”
“Why did the cannibal break up with his valentine?”/“She didn’t suit his taste.”
“Why didn’t Cupid shoot at the lawyer’s heart?”/“Because Cupid can’t hit a target that small.”
“Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?”/“Because it’s all heart”
“Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?”/“Because you can really party hearty!”
“Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?”/“Because he’ll dessert you.”
“Wife and I exchanged Valentine’s Day cards at the store. Then we put them back on the rack”
“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it”
“You don’t have a valentine for Valentine’s Day? I don’t have a groundhog for Groundhog Day”
Arizona: Valentine State (nickname)
Besos (Mexican pastry “kisses”)
FEBRUARY 15 (Day after Valentine’s Day)
“Valentine’s Day is great, but the real holiday is February 15th, when all the candy goes on sale”
FEBRUARY 15-20 (Presidents’ Day on third Monday)
“Celebrate Presidents’ Day by making a promise you have no intentions of keeping!”
“I’m celebrating President’s Day by making a bunch of promises I have no plan on keeping”
“Prune roses before Presidents Day and azaleas before the Fourth of July”
FEBRUARY 18
First “Big Apple” explanation: February 18, 1924
FEBRUARY (Shrove Tuesday, seven weeks before Easter) (Pancake Day)
“A waffle is a pancake with a non-skid tread”
“A waffle is just a more considerate pancake”
“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap”
“Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped”
“Haunted French pancakes give me the crépes”
“He who goes to bed hungry dreams of pancakes”
“How do elves eat their pancakes?”/“In short stacks.”
“How do you make a pancake smile?”/“Butter him up.”
“I’m getting pancakes with a side of pancakes”
“Just because you pour syrup on something doesn’t make it pancakes”
“Most kids today don’t even know who St. Pancake is”
“My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes” (joke)
“One does not simply have ‘one’ pancake”
“Pancake Day really crêped up on us”
“Pancake jokes are for tossers”
“Pancakes are just boneless waffles”
“Pancakes are just morning pizzas”
“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they’d turn over by themselves”
“Waffles are just pancakes with abs”
“We all deserve morning sex and pancakes”
“What did the pancake say to the baseball player?”/“Batter up!”
“What did the young pancake say to the old one?”/“I don’t like your flip side.”
“What dinosaur loves pancakes?”/“A tri-syrup-tops.”
“What do the New York Yankees and pancakes have in common?”/“They both need a good batter!”
“What’s the best pancake topping?”/“More pancakes.”
“When the boy was making pancakes, why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it”
Latkes or Latkas (potato pancakes)
Pancake Capital of Texas (Hawkins nickname)
Pancakes in the Park
Puffer or Kartoffelpuffer (potato pancakes)
FEBRUARY 28
“It’s a leap year so whatever you do tomorrow won’t show up on social media memories for another four years”
FEBRUARY 29 (leap year day)
“It’s a leap year so whatever you do today won’t show up on social media memories for another four years”
“Join the 3 day challenge. No alcohol on February 29, 30 and 31”
“The best way to celebrate Leap Day is coming to the Empire State Building”
“The reason there’s a February 29 is because it takes a full day to explain what a leap year is”
“What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a calendar?”/“A leap year.”
“What is a kangaroo’s favorite year?”/“A leap year.”
FEBRUARY 30
“Join the 2 day challenge. No alcohol on February 30 and 31”
“Join the 3 day challenge. No alcohol on February 29, 30 and 31”
FEBRUARY 31
“Join the 2 day challenge. No alcohol on February 30 and 31”
“Join the 3 day challenge. No alcohol on February 29, 30 and 31”