“I’ve robbed banks before…and they’re never getting their pens back”
"Robbing banks" usually means stealing money, but sometimes it means stealing pens. "I’ve robbed banks before...and they’re never getting their pens back" was posted on…
“I’ve spent 2 weeks hanging out with myself and i am so sorry to every person i spent time with”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many people staying at home. This was posted on Twitter by trish on April 1, 2020: "i’ve spent 2 weeks hanging out with myself and i am so…
“I’ve started a band and called it ‘Books.’ So no one can judge us by our covers”
"You can't judge a book by its cover" -- meaning that outward appearance isn't everything -- is a popular proverb. The proverb has nothing to do with song covers, but there are…
“I’ve started telling about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s about raisin awareness”
"Raisin" sounds like "raising." "Sellers of dried grapes are always raisin awareness" is a joke that was posted on the website Pun of the Day in February 2000.…
“I’ve tasted unemployment and I’ve tasted the 9-5 life. I would recommend not being born”
"I've tasted unemployment and I've tasted 9-5. I recomment not being born" is a saying that has been printed on many images. The choices between not working at all and…
“Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer. Thereisnospacebar”
The space bar on a keyboard is not a bar that serves drinks, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- Jokes on October 28, 2020:…
“Ice cream fixes everything. It’s the duct tape of foods”
"Ice cream is like duct tape. It fixes everything" and "Ice cream is duct tape for the heart" are ice cream sayings that have been printed on many images. Duct tape fixes many…
“Ice cream is cheaper than therapy”
"Ice cream is cheaper than therapy" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Ice cream is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment" was posted on…
“Ice cream is duct tape for the heart”
"Ice cream is like duct tape. It fixes everything" and "Ice cream is duct tape for the heart" are ice cream sayings that have been printed on many images. Duct tape fixes many…
“Ice cream is duct tape for the soul”
"Ice cream is like duct tape. It fixes everything" and "Ice cream is duct tape for the heart" are ice cream sayings that have been printed on many images. Duct tape fixes many…
“Ice cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn’t illegal”
"Ice cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal" is often credited to the French writer and philosopher Voltaire (1694-1778) and has been printed on many gift items. There is…
“Ice cream is just a boneless popsicle”
Ice cream (and other frozen desserts) usually does not have the stick that a popsicle has. Some people have called these frozen desserts "boneless popsicles." "Ice cream is just…
“Ice cream is like duct tape. It fixes everything”
"Ice cream is like duct tape. It fixes everything" and "Ice cream is duct tape for the heart" are ice cream sayings that have been printed on many images. Duct tape fixes many…
“Ice cubes are just domesticated glaciers”
"Ice cubes are just domesticated glaciers" was posted on Twitter by Corey on April 5, 2014. "Ice cubes are just domesticated glaciers" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on…
“Ice cubes are just domesticated ice”
"Ice cubes are just domesticated glaciers" was posted on Twitter by Corey on April 5, 2014. "Ice cubes are just domesticated glaciers" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on…
“Ice cubes are just domesticated icebergs”
"Ice cubes are just domesticated glaciers" was posted on Twitter by Corey on April 5, 2014. "Ice cubes are just domesticated glaciers" was posted on Reddit -- Showerthoughts on…
“Ice cubes are just time-release water capsules”
"Time-release capsules" release medicine slowly, over time and not all at once. "Time-release capsules" do not release time. "imagine my disappointment at learning that…
“Ice cubes are just water croutons”
Ice cubes have sometimes been jocularly called "water croutons." "If you think about it, ice cubes are pretty much just water croutons for your drink. #amirite?" was posted on…
“Ice cubes float around in pools of their own blood”
"Ice cubes float (around) in a pool of their own blood" -- water -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain. "Ice cubes float in a pool of…
“Ice cubes float around in their own blood”
"Ice cubes float (around) in a pool of their own blood" -- water -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain. "Ice cubes float in a pool of…