“I read recipes the same way I read science fiction” (joke)
American comedian Rita Rudner used a successful line in her routine by at least 2000: "I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, 'Well, that's…
Exercise/Running/Health Clubs
“I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean. I just wish they’d told me…” (joke)
A banana a day can help the colon. However, one should eat the banana -- and not attempt to directly insert it into the colon. "Maxwell said a banana a day is good for keeping your colon…
“I read that cinnamon is good for weight control. So I started eating 5 cinnamon rolls every morning”
Some doctors believe that cinnamon helps for weight control -- so patients can then order a lot of cinnamon rolls? This is just a food joke because no one eats cinnamon rolls to lose weight.…
“I read the instructions on a ready meal lasagne. It said, ‘Remove cardboard sleeve and film.’ Most boring home movie ever”
The frozen food instructions "remove cardboard sleeve and film" doesn't mean to film the dish, but there are jokes. "'Remove cardboard sleeve and film', so I did. My…
“I realized school was a joke when my business teacher didn’t own a business and my PE teacher couldn’t pass their own fitness test”
"I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn't own a business, and my PE teacher was fat" is a saying that has been printed on many images. In other words, the teachers…
“I realized the other day millennials use lol the same way operators would use stop in morse code and now I can’t unsee it”
Millennials often add "lol" (for "laugh out loud") at the end of a text message, and people have noticed that it's like the word "STOP" in an old-time telegram.…
“I really believe in the healing power of chips and salsa”
Chips and salsa make many people feel good. Do chips and salsa have healing powers? "dr recommended another week of rest....and Mexican for lunch. The amazing healing power of chips and…
“I really don’t know how fast light travels, but it gets here too early in the morning”
How fast is the speed of light> "A California scientist is experimenting with the measurement of the speed of light. We bet he finds it gets here too early in the mornings" was printed…
“I really hope mailmen don’t start getting the Coronavirus. They’re really good carriers”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in a few jokes about "carriers." "Mailmen with coronavirus don’t actually show any symptoms; they’re just carriers" was posted on…
“I really love my fanbase…without it my fan would fall over”
Sports and entertainment stars have "fans," and there's a joke: "I really love my fanbase...without it my fan would fall over." The joke was posted to Twitter on December…
“I really shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there”
"I really shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there" is a jocular saying that has been printed on several images. "I probably…
“I really want to buy a supermarket checkout divider, but the cashier keeps putting it back”
The supermarket checkout dividers are not for sale, but a joke was posted on Twitter by sickipediabot on June 13, 2013: "No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers,…
“I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel”
"I just got the new power bill, I believe they are charging me for the sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel..." is a joke that was posted on Facebook by Nora…
“I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I’m now the main stake holder”
A joke on the term "stakeholder" is: "I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I'm now the main stake holder." The joke was posted on Sickipedia and Twitter on…
“I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I’m now the main stake holder”
A joke on the term "stakeholder" is: "I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I'm now the main stake holder." The joke was posted on Sickipedia and Twitter on…
“I recently bought a bread knife. It’s not as good as stainless steel”
A "bread knife" cuts bread; the knife is not made of bread, but there are jokes. This was posted on Reddit -- 3amjokes on July 19, 2019: "I recently bought a bread knife. It's…
“I recently bought a shire horse. My existing horse was too outgoing”
LaffGaff Shire Horse by LaffGaff March 27, 2026 I recently bought a shire horse. My existing horse was too outgoing.
“I recently came into a large sum of money” (joke)
"I recently came into a large sum of money" is the first line of a Not-Sate-For-Work joke. "I came into some money recently...............fussy bloody shopkeeper wouldn't take…
“I recently joined a support group for people who talk a lot. We call ourselves On and On Anon”
"'I talk too much,' Evan Davis admitted. 'I've joined a self-help group called On-and-On-Anon. Our meetings go forever'" was printed in the Lansing (MI) State…
“I recently opened a restaurant. I guess you could call me an entrée-preneur”
"Entrepreneur" is sometimes jocularly written as "entrée-preneur," especially for someone in the restaurant business (such as an entrepreneur who sells entrées). "THE…