“Daylight didn’t ask to be saved. Daylight didn’t want to be saved”
There is daylight saving time (DST), but no one asked daylight its feelings in the matter. "What if the daylight didn't want to be saved?" was posted on Twitter by Jackie M. Briski…
Work/Businesses
“Days are now divided by coffee hours and alcohol hours”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to be locked down in their homes. People drank a lot of coffee and alcohol to get through it. "Days are now divided by coffee hours and…
“Days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today & nextday”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic made days flow together for many people. "Hours now don’t exist, days are split into 4 sections: Coffee, Midfood, Latefood & Sleep. Days don’t have…
“Dead voters vote Democrat”
Political campaigns target to win various groups, such as the Black vote or the Jewish vote or the Hispanic vote. Who wins the dead vote (i.e., voter fraud)? Chicago has had a reputation of dead…
“Deadlines spur action” (business adage)
"Deadlines spur action" (or "a deadline spurs action") is an old business adage of uncertain origin. If both sides to a negotiation know of a deadline, a deal is often struck…
“Deal with the devil if the devil has a constituency—and don’t complain about the heat”
"Deal with the devil if the devil has a constituency -- and don't complain about the heat" has been credited to science fiction and fantasy author C. J. Cherryh. The quotation has…
“Dear account balance: Wingardium Leviosa”
"Dear account balance: Wingardium Leviosa" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. It means that the speaker has a low bank account balance, and desires it to levitate…
“Dear animals, I’m sorry it took me so long”
"Dear animals, I'm sorry it took me so long" is a vegan saying (from a person who had been eating meat) that has been printed on many images. Authorship of the saying is unknown, but…
“Dear Apple, No one uses the word ‘ducking,’ absolutely no one”
According to one joke, Apple iphones autocorrect "fucking" to "ducking." "I use the word 'fucking' all the time. Why does iPhone still autocorrect to ducking. No…
“Dear Autocorrect, I’m getting a bit tired of your shirt”
Entry in progress -- BP
“Dear Autocorrect, No one uses the word ‘ducking,’ absolutely no one”
According to one joke, Apple iphones autocorrect "fucking" to "ducking." "I use the word 'fucking' all the time. Why does iPhone still autocorrect to ducking. No…
“Dear autocorrect. It’s never duck. It’s NEVER duck”
Entry in progress -- BP
“Dear Bartender, don’t be offended if we ask ’Is there any liquor in this drink?’”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic closed many bars and restaurants. Liquor stores were open, and people made their own drinks at home. Many of these drinks were less watered-down (more alcoholic)…
“Dear Black Friday, We all have big tvs now. Put them groceries on sale”
"Dear Black Friday, We all have big tvs now. Put them groceries on sale" is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Dear Black Friday, we been had big TVs put dem groceries on…
“Dear cancel culture, Aim higher, go for the IRS”
"Dear cancel culture, Aim higher, go for the IRS" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Dear cancel culture twitter please go after the IRS next. Thank you"…
“Dear cancel culture, Dream bigger, aim higher. ATF, IRS, Federal Reserve”
"Dear cancel culture, Aim higher, go for the IRS" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "Dear cancel culture twitter please go after the IRS next. Thank you"…
“Dear Coca-Cola Company: No more new flavors. Either add the cocaine back, or leave it alone”
Coca-Cola used to be made with cocaine (in the 19th century). "Dear Coca-Cola Company: No more new flavors. Either add the cocaine back, or leave it alone" is a jocular saying that has…
“Dear Dairy: Today I failed another spelling test”
A spelling joke was posted on Twitter on February 23, 2014: "Dear dairy, I failed another spelling test today." "Dairy" is a common misspelling for "diary." "Dear…
“Dear Diamond, We all know who is really a girl’s best friend. Yours sincerely, Chocolate Cake”
"Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend" is a song from the Broadway musical Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1949). A jocular line is: "Dear Diamond(s), We all know who is really a…
“Dear everyone, upset, bored, angry or hungry—I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge”
"Dear everyone, upset, bored, angry or hungry -- I'm here for you. Sincerely, fridge" is a jocular one-line saying from a refrigerator. The saying was posted on Twitter on June 8,…