“If there are jelly beans, why aren’t there peanut butter beans?”
There are jellybeans, but no peanut butter beans. "I like jelly beans, but infinitely better would be peanut butter beans" was posted on Twitter by Ben Cobb on April 4, 2011. "Ok I…
Food/Drink
“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went”
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went" is a popular saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is unknown. "If there are no dogs…
“If there are no good cops and no bad dogs, then what’s a police dog?”
"No bad dogs. No good cops" (or "No good cops. No bad dogs") is a saying that has been printed on many images. "no bad dogs, no good cops" was posted on X/Twitter by…
“If there is a ‘health food’ section in a grocery store, what does that make the rest of the food?”
"If there is a 'health food' section in the grocery store, what does that make the rest of the food sold there?" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Dr, Mark Hyman…
“If there is a government shutdown who will spy on me, waste my money and have contempt for me?”
"If there is a government shutdown who will spy on me, waste my money and have contempt for me?" is a saying that has been printed on several images. "'@hereiblog: Facebook: If…
“If there is a question in a headline, the answer is always no” (journalism adage)
Newspaper headlines sometime ask a question, and the answer to that question is usually "no." If the answer is "yes," then it's a fact and there would be no reason to ask a…
“If there is a risk, there must be a choice”
"If/Where there is risk, there must be choice" (or "If/Where there is a risk, there must be a choice") is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is associated…
“If there is coconut milk, there is coconut cheese”
There is coconut milk, so many people believe that there should be coconut cheese. "I'd probably be down to just coconut milk - can you make coconut cheese?!" was posted on Twitter…
“If there is risk, there must be choice”
"If/Where there is risk, there must be choice" (or "If/Where there is a risk, there must be a choice") is a saying that has been printed on many images. The saying is associated…
“If there were an Autumn Olympics, it would consist of leaf raking and cold avoidance”
There are Summer Olympic Games and Winter Olympic Games, but nothing for autumn. Many people have suggested events (jokingly) that could be in an Autumn Olympics, such as bobbing for apples,…
“If there’s a bar where everybody knows your name, you’re probably an alcoholic”
"If there's a bar where everybody knows your name, you're probably an alcoholic" is a jocular saying that has been printed on GIFs." The American television sitcom Cheers…
“If there’s a vegetable emergency, Kale 999”
"If there’s a vegetable emergency, Kale 911" was posted on Facebook by Katy Haseley to the group Home Groan Puns on January 30, 2024. This is a pun on "call 911," the…
“If there’s anything a public servant hates to do it’s something for the public”
"If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public" is a popular cynical remark about the self-interest of "public servants." "If…
“If there’s one thing that makes me throw up, it is a dartboard on the ceiling”
A dartboard is usually put on a wall, not a ceiling. "Every time I see a dartboard on the ceiling it makes want to throw up!" was posted on Twitter on June 30, 2010. "I put a dart…
“If there’s watermelon, shouldn’t there be earthmelon, firemelon, and airmelon? The elemelons”
Watermelon exists, so many people think there should be firemelon, earthmelon and airmelon (water-fire-earth-air + melon), all called the "elemelons" (elements + melons). "The…
“If there’s a vegetable emergency, Kale 911”
"If there’s a vegetable emergency, Kale 911" was posted on Facebook by Katy Haseley to the group Home Groan Puns on January 30, 2024. This is a pun on "call 911," the…
“If these walls could talk”
"If these walls could talk" is said of old buildings, or buildings where famous or infamous things happened. "The stately walls, which, if walls could speak, would unfold many a sad…
“If they act like they can live without you, help them do it”
"If they act like they can live without you, help them do it" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many images. That is, if people don't value you, then don't…
“If they can make penicillin from moldy bread, you can become something”
A penicillin joke was told in 1959 by an unknown jokester: "Son, there's got to be a future for you. After all, they make penicillin out of moldy bread!" Bronx-born comedian Milt…
“If they can’t kill you, they will try and kill your credibility”
"If they can't kill you, they will try and kill your credibility" was posted on Twitter by PlRATES | ☠ | on January 8, 2012. Authorship of the saying is uncertain. "This is…