“I’m not unemployed—I’m a consultant”
"I'm not unemployed -- I'm a consultant" is a popular T-shirt saying. A consultant can be in a self-employed, one-person business. Employment for a consultant can be irregular,…
Food/Drink
“I’m not unemployed, I’m NSFW”
"I'm not unemployed, I'm NSFW" -- NSFW means "Not Safe For Work" -- is a jocular one-line work saying that has been printed on many images. The saying was posted on…
“I’m not voting Democrat or Republican. I do not negotiate with terrorists”
"I'm not voting Democrat or Republican. I do not negotiate with terrorists" (shown on an ecard by Someecards) was posted on Facebook by People's Uprising on October 14, 2012.…
“I’m not voting. I don’t negotiate with terrorists”
"I'm not voting Democrat or Republican. I do not negotiate with terrorists" (shown on an ecard by Someecards) was posted on Facebook by People's Uprising on October 14, 2012.…
“I’m not yawning. I’m doing face yoga”
"I'm not yawning. I'm doing face yoga" is a jocular saying that has been printed on a T-shirt. "I'm not yawning. I'm doing face yoga" was posted on Twitter…
“I’m now accepting invitations to drink and yap on your patio. Book me early”
"I'm now accepting invitations to get drunk on your patio. Book me early" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations of the saying.…
“I’m now accepting invitations to get drunk on your patio. Book me early”
"I'm now accepting invitations to get drunk on your patio. Book me early" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations of the saying.…
“I’m now accepting invitations to get shit-faced on your patio. Book me early”
"I'm now accepting invitations to get drunk on your patio. Book me early" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. There are several variations of the saying.…
“I’m old enough to remember when emojis were called ‘hieroglyphics’”
Many people have compared modern emojis to ancient hieroglyphs. A joke was posted on Twitter by moh'd on July 27, 2017: "Yo momma so old *how old is she* she was using emojis back when…
“I’m on a coffee diet. That’s when I drink coffee and don’t bite people”
"I'm on this new diet where I drink coffee instead of biting people" and "I'm on a/the coffee diet. That's when I drink coffee and don't bite people" are…
“I’m on a diet. Actually, I’m on 2 diets. I couldn’t get enough to eat on the first one”
Are two diets better than one? "I went on a diet once. Wasn't getting enough to eat so I went on two diets" was posted on the newsgroup rec.skydiving on January 13, 1998. "I had…
“I’m on a light diet. I eat by daylight, I eat by moonlight, and sometimes, I eat by fridge light”
"I’m on a light diet. I eat by daylight, I eat by moonlight, and sometimes, I eat by refrigerator light" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Lmao dis guh said…
“I’m on a light diet. I eat in the daylight, moonlight, and sometime at night by my night light”
"I’m on a light diet. I eat by daylight, I eat by moonlight, and sometimes, I eat by refrigerator light" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Lmao dis guh said…
“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!”
"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already!" is a joke that has been credited to British prop comedian and magician Tommy Cooper (1921-1984). "I'm on a…
“I’m on cloud wine”
"I'm on cloud wine" is a jocular saying, adding "wine" to the "on cloud nine" expression. "Cloud wine" has been printed on many images. "On Cloud…
“I’m on my way to work… PLEASE KILL ME”
"I'm on my way to work... PLEASE KILL ME" is a work saying that has been printed on many images. "494 bumper sticker sighting: 'Please Kill Me: I'm On My Way to…
“I’m on the coffee diet. That’s when I drink coffee and don’t bite people”
"I'm on this new diet where I drink coffee instead of biting people" and "I'm on a/the coffee diet. That's when I drink coffee and don't bite people" are…
“I’m on the Han Solo diet: I’m only eating one Carb’a'Night!”
"Carbonite" sounds like "carb a night." A joke refers to the movie Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), where the character Han Solo is frozen in carbonite.…
“I’m on this new diet where I drink coffee instead of biting people”
"I'm on this new diet where I drink coffee instead of biting people" and "I'm on a/the coffee diet. That's when I drink coffee and don't bite people" are…
“I’m on two diets. I don’t get enough to eat on just one”
Are two diets better than one? "I went on a diet once. Wasn't getting enough to eat so I went on two diets" was posted on the newsgroup rec.skydiving on January 13, 1998. "I had…