“If you make home fries whilst not at home, are they away fries?”
"Home fries" is a popular breakfast dish of fried potatoes, cut in chunks or wedges and usually served with onions. You can get "home fries" at restaurants (outside the home),…
Food/Drink
“If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas”
Texas is a large state. "You measure distances in hours out here, not miles" was printed in the Austin (TX) American-Statesman on July 7, 1996. "You Know You're From A Small…
“If you miss the ball, don’t miss the leg” (soccer adage)
"If you missed the ball, don't miss the leg/man/bone" is a soccer adage popular in West African countries such as Ghana and Nigeria. The saying means that if you strike your leg out…
“If you mix butter and flour, you’ll roux the day”
"Roux" (a mixture of flour and fat) has resulted in many "roux the day" (roux + rue the day) puns. "Roux the day" has been cited in print since at least 1989, when it…
“If you mix garlic with a hallucinogenic, you’d get an Allicin Wonderland”
Allicin is an organosulfur compound obtained from garlic. "Allicin Wonderland" is an obvious pun on Alice in Wonderland. "The body is, in fact, a veritable allicin wonderland"…
“If you mix sodium, carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and sulfur together, what do you get? NaCHOS!”
Nachos are sometimes described by the elements Sodium (Na), Carbon (C), Hydrogen (H) and Oxygen (O), with Sulfur (S). "What do you get when you combine sodium (Na), carbon (C), hydrogen (H),…
“If you mix Tabasco in hand sanitizer, it will not only kill germs…”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to buy hand sanitizer. "If you’re having trouble keeping your hands away from your face and eyes just mix Tabasco in your hand…
“If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first”
"If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as bumper stickers and posters. The saying was a response to the…
“If you need a vaccine passport to ‘return to normal,’ you’re not returning to normal”
"Vaccine passports" were proposed in 2021 as a solution to "return to normal." "Just a reminder, if you need a vaccine passport to 'return to normal', you’re…
“If you need two yards, he’ll get you two yards…” (running back joke)
It's sometimes said of a powerful, short-yardage runner in football that, "If you need two yards, he'll get you two yards. If you need seven yards, he'll get you two…
“If you need violence to enforce your ideas, your ideas are worthless”
"If you need violence to enforce your ideas, your ideas are worthless" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If you need violence to protect your ideas, your ideas are…
“If you need violence to protect your ideas, your ideas are worthless to begin with”
"If you need violence to enforce your ideas, your ideas are worthless" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "If you need violence to protect your ideas, your ideas are…
“If you needed a reason to unfriend me, I like pineapple on pizza”
Many people have strong feelings about pineapple as a pizza topping. "The only acceptable reason to unfriend someone is if they like pineapple pizza" was posted on Twitter by MicDre on…
“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun”
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, T-shirts and wall plagues. The saying is almost always credited to…
“If you only knew how much money was spent to brainwash you, you would realize how special you are”
"If you only knew how much money was spent to brainwash you, you would realize how special you are" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain. "If…
“If you open a bag of Sun Chips at night, do they technically become Moon Chips?”
There are Sun Chips, but no Moon Chips. "Note to self: Sun Chips big hit. Action item: invent Moon Chips" was posted on X/Twitter by Jason K on May 11, 2009. "If you open a bag of…
“If you operate a drill press, you have a boring job”
A pun on "boring job" was posted on the newsgroup alt.humor.puns on September 23, 2000: "If you operate a drill press, you have a boring job. (Pun of the Day)" "Digging…
“If you owe a bank thousands, you have a problem; owe a bank millions, the bank has a problem”
There's an old banking proverb: "If you owe the bank thousands (a small amount), then you have a problem. If you owe the bank millions (a large amount), then the bank has a problem."…
“If you pay for service by the hour, you buy hours and not service”
Some employers pay for a completed job, but others pay by the hour. "When you buy software development by the hour, what are you buying? Hours" was posted on Twitter by Brad Murphy on…
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys”
"if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys" means that if you pay a small amount ("peanuts"), you don't get very good workers ("monkeys"). "Peanuts" has long…