“I ate too much Middle Eastern food and now I falafel”
"Falafel" sounds like "feel awful," prompting the pun: "I ate too much Middle Eastern food and now I falafel." "Clever pun. Now I falafel" was cited in a…
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health
“I avoid Twitter drama by being unpopular”
"I avoid Twitter drama by being unpopular" is a joke that was posted on X/Twitter by Man of Letters on December 17, 2021, and again on X/Twitter on June 20, 2024. The joke implies that…
“I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four”
"I backed a horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four" -- the first numbers are odds, but the second numbers are a time (it took the horse over three hours to run the…
“I bake because punching people is frowned upon”
"I bake because punching people is frowned upon" is a baking saying that has been printed on many images. "I Bake Because Punching Is Frowned Upon" was posted on Twitter by Sian…
“I be drinking water in front of my plants so they remember who the breadwinner is”
"drinking water in front of my plants so they remember who the breadwinner is" was posted on Twitter by farah mynaf ☾ on March 11, 2022. The tweet went viral and received over 218,000…
“I be flying home after work like I’m late for the house”
"I drive home so quick after work like I'm late for the house" is a saying that has been printed on many imaes. Some people can't wait to get home after a day's work.…
“I beat a black belt at karate. My next opponent is a green sock”
To face "a black belt at karate" usually means facing "a person with a black belt," but a joke is: "I beat a black belt at karate. My next opponent is a green sock."…
“I beat anorexia”
"I beat anorexia" -- that is, the speaker is not thin -- is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I beat anorexia" -- a literal use -- was a segment on…
“I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart. I’ve been charged with a graph-aided assault”
A work pun was posted on the website PunGents.com on August 4, 2017: "So… I beat my boss over the head with a pie chart. And they charged me with a graph-aided assault." "A…
“I became math teacher to teach subtraction. I just want to make a difference”
Do math teachers who teach subtraction "make a difference"? "When I was a kid I wanted to make a difference. But my math teacher said I sucked at subtraction" was posted on…
“I before E except after C has been disproved by science”
"'I before E except after C' has been disproved by science" is a joke about spelling that has been printed on an ecard. Along with the word "science," there are many…
“I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided…” (joke)
"This town ain't big enough for the both of us" is a line that supposedly started fights in the old Wild West. A one-line joke is: "A lot of conflict in the old Wild West could…
“I believe in censorship—I made a fortune out of it” (Mae West)
Brooklyn-born actress, singer, playwright, screenwriter, comedian, and sex symbol Mae West (1893-1980) experienced censorship, especially for her play Sex (1927). West was quoted in The Daily News…
“I believe in God and guns. Trespass and you will meet both” (property sign)
"I believe in God and guns. Trespass and you will meet both" is a property sign that has been shown on many images.
“I believe in the two-party system—one on Friday night and one on Saturday night”
"I believe in the two-party system -- one on Friday night and one on Saturday night" is a jocular political saying that has been printed on many images. "Overheard on the elevator:…
“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Bartleby.comRespectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations. 1989. NUMBER: 1204 AUTHOR: Thomas Jefferson (1743–1826) QUOTATION: If the American people ever allow private…
“I bet acting like assholes on the Internet isn’t where we all thought we’d be”
"I bet acting like assholes on the Internet isn't where we all thought we'd be at this point in our lives" is an internet saying that was posted on Twitter by Blisssy on June 8,…
“I bet centaurs never know who to root for at rodeos”
A centaur in Greek mythology is a creature with the upper body of a human and the lower body and legs of a horse. "I bet centaurs never know who to root for at rodeos" was posted on…
“I bet Dracula does all his shopping online, just so he can keep clicking on ‘Your Account’”
"Your account" shouldn't be confused with "You're a Count," but there are several Count Dracula puns. "RT @GaryDelaney: I bet Dracula does all his shopping…
“I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish”
"I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter…