“Doing God’s work” (investment banking joke)
Lloyd Blankfein, the CEO and Chairman of Goldman Sachs, told the Times of London in a November 2009 interview that he was just a banker "doing God's work." The line was meant as a…
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health
“Doing my part to keep the coffee industry financially strong”
"Doing my part to keep the coffee industry financially strong" is a coffee saying that has been printed on many images. That is, the speaker drinks a lot of coffee. "I am doing my…
“Doing sit-ups at home is a form of domestic ab use”
"Ab use" should not be confused with "abuse," but that's been the subject of several puns. "Doing crunches and situps at home is domestic ab use" was posted on…
“Doing squats so my ass matches my sass”
"Doing squats so my ass matches my sass" (or "I squat so my ass matches my sass") is a motivational gym saying that has been printed on many images. "Squats. So my ass…
“Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness”
"Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many posters. The saying has been credited to Brooklyn-born editorial…
“Doing your best does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown”
"Friendly reminder that 'doing your best' does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown" is a saying that has been printed on many images. Kipplekipple wrote…
“Doing your taxes on April Fools’ Day seems like a legitimate way to defraud the government”
"Doing your taxes on April Fools' Day seems like a perfectly legitimate way to defraud the government" is a jocular one-line saying that has been printed on an ecard. The saying was…
“Dollars to doughnuts”
"Dollars to doughnuts" (or "I'll bet dollars to doughnuts") means a sure thing, a certainty; someone will put up something to substance to something worth much less that a…
“Dom Pérignon implies the existence of Sub and Switch Pérignon”
Dom Pérignon is a brand of vintage Champagne. Dom Pérignon has nothing to do with "dominance and submission" or "dom/sub," but there are jokes. "Dom Perignon in the…
“Dom Pérignon implies the existence of Sub Pérignon”
Dom Pérignon is a brand of vintage Champagne. Dom Pérignon has nothing to do with "dominance and submission" or "dom/sub," but there are jokes. "Dom Perignon in the…
“Dom Pérignon implies the existence of Submissive Pérignon”
Dom Pérignon is a brand of vintage Champagne. Dom Pérignon has nothing to do with "dominance and submission" or "dom/sub," but there are jokes. "Dom Perignon in the…
“Dominant chords imply the existence of submissive chords”
In music theory, there is a dominant chord, but no submissive chord. "Dominant chords and submissive chords #musicjokes #music" was posted on twitter by Matt Hues on June 26, 2012.…
“Don’t agonize, organize”
"Don't agonize, organize" was a 1970s slogan of the women's movement, specifically the older women's movement for civil rights. Both Florynce Kennedy (1916-2000) and Tish…
“Don’t applaud—just throw cash”
"No applause -- just throw money" is an entertainment gag line of uncertain authorship. Some insist that the line is from vaudeville in the early 1900s, but it has been cited in print…
“Don’t applaud—just throw money”
"No applause -- just throw money" is an entertainment gag line of uncertain authorship. Some insist that the line is from vaudeville in the early 1900s, but it has been cited in print…
“Don’t argue with people on social media. Every classroom had a kid that ate paste. That’s probably who you’re arguing with”
"Don't argue with people on social media. Every classroom had a kid that ate paste. That's probably who you're arguing with" is a saying that has been printed on many…
“Don’t ask me about my protein and I won’t ask you about your cholesterol”
Vegans are often asked about how they get enough protein in their diets. "Don't ask me about my protein and I won't ask you about your cholesterol" is a vegan saying that has…
“Don’t ask me why I’m a vegetarian. Ask yourself why you’re not”
"Don't ask me why I'm vegan. Ask yourself why you're not" and "Don't ask me why I'm a vegetarian. Ask yourself why you're not" are sayings that…
“Don’t ask me why I’m vegan. Ask yourself why you’re not”
"Don't ask me why I'm vegan. Ask yourself why you're not" and "Don't ask me why I'm a vegetarian. Ask yourself why you're not" are sayings that…
“Don’t ask why children need to see drag queens. Ask why drag queens crave an audience of children”
"Don't ask why children need to see drag queens. Ask why drag queens crave an audience of children" (or "Ask not why the children shouldn’t see drag queens; ask why drag…