“Depresso: When you’ve run out of coffee”
"Depresso: When you’ve run out of coffee" is a jocular line that was cited on Twitter on November 25, 2012. "Depresso" is a portmanteau of "depression" and…
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health
“Descartes walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
"A guy walks into a bar..." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A popular philosophy variation is: "René Descartes walks into a bar, see. He orders a…
“Describe yourself in three words.”/“Lazy.”
"Describe yourself in three words."/"Lazy" is a jocular job interview that has been printed on many images. "How would you describe yourself in 3 words? — LAZY. LAZY.…
“Desktops imply the existence of deskbottoms”
Entry in progress -- BP TwitterJundrick JAMar@ohGodJAMnitDesktops implies the existence of deskbottoms.11:43 AM · May 20, 2022·Twitter for Android
“Despite a valiant effort by my dog from our window, our neighbor has entered his own home”
Dogs can protect property, but they frequently bark unnecessarily at neighbors. A joke was posted on ,a href="https://twitter.com/Darlainky/status/1176568789481267201">Twitter by…
“Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner”
Many churches have stained windows. "I was a rubbish church window cleaner. I got rid of all the stains" was printed in The Biggest Ever Tim Vine Joke Book (2010) by English writer,…
“Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular”
"Despite the high cost of living, it remains (very) popular" (or, "Despite the high cost of living, it remains a popular item") is a jocular statement that has been printed on…
“Despite zero experience, I’m opening a BBQ restaurant next to a courthouse. It’ll be Trial by F
A barbecue joke was posted on Reddit -- Dadjokes on August 23, 2021: "Despite zero experience, I’m opening a BBQ restaurant next to the courthouse. It’ll be Trial by Fire."…
“Desserts” is “stressed” spelled backward
"Desserts" is "stressed" spelled backward. While this always has been the case, this headline in the Los Angeles (CA) Times food section on July 30, 1992 helped to popularize…
“Developers, developers, developers”
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer gave a presentation for Microsoft's 25th anniversary in September 2000. His presentation was full of manic energy and he told the crowd that the success of…
“Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans”
"Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans" -- a pun on "genes" -- is a joke that has been printed on many images. "Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in…
“Diarrhoea Is A Really Runny Heap Of Endless Amounts” (“diorrhoea” backronym)
"Diarrhea” ("diarrhoea" is the popular spelling in the UK) is a difficult word to spell. Many people use a backronym (back acronym) or mnemonic. "Diarrhoea Is A Really Runny…
“Dick pics are literally junk mail”
"Junk mail" usually has nothing to do with "junk" (sexual slang), but there are jokes. "Speaking of Brett Favre, I think it's time we start calling texted dick pics…
“Did a load of pajamas so I would have clean work clothes this week”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in many people working from home. Many people did not even get dressed all day. "Did a load of pajamas so I would have clean work clothes this…
“Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?”/“No, they had an apple.”
A popular Valentine's Day riddle is: Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?A: No, they had an apple. The joke was printed in the Boston (MA) Sunday Herald on February 8, 1959. However, the…
“Did anyone ask cauliflower if it wanted to be all these things?”
Cauliflower has been put to many uses, especially by vegetarians and vegans. "Y’all even ask cauliflower if they wanna be all these things?" was posted on Twitter by Jay on September…
“Did anyone laugh when you fell while skating?” (joke)
A skating pun is: “Did anyone laugh when you fell while skating?” “No, but the ice made some cracks.” The joke has been cited in print since at least 1948. 6 January 1948, Creston (IA) News…
“Did I invite you to my barbecue? No! Then why are you all up in my grill?”
Entry in progress -- B.P. Urban Dictionarygrill1. One's personal business2. One's teeth/smileWhy you all up in my grill, fool?(...)by Yebeka December 19, 1999 Using EnglishRe: Why you all…
“Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used PrayPal”
"bones-and-bricks" posted on tumblr. on August 30, 2013: "did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credithe used praypal" The PrayPal (pray + PayPal) joke has been frequently…
“Did my good deed for the day and gave up my seat for an elderly lady” (joke)
"I gave up my seat for an old lady today........ How was I to know she'd never driven a bus before?" was posted on Twitter by Dean Kinsella on February 24, 2016. "I did a good…